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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dating thread no 53

999 replies

Flipper924 · 06/05/2013 21:48

The Rules

1 Develop a thick skin;

  1. Do not invest emotionally too soon;
  2. It's all BS until it actually happens;
  3. Trust your gut instinct;
  4. If it is not fun, stop

Off we go...

OP posts:
Toni2710 · 15/05/2013 21:12

Talking of dodgy exes. I am fairly sure mine stole my bank card and withdrew £50 on Monday. He completely denies it but had access to my card. Bank have told me to go to police. I don't really want to get him into (serious) trouble, but even when i said I was reporting it so if it was him, to come clean and I wouldn't, he still denies. Sooo, what would you do?

TigsytheTiger · 15/05/2013 21:12

thank you Rock after your post I went and got some independent advice and started dropping in phrases like false accounting, fraud and prison, after a long EA relationship with some DV, I can't tell you the pleasure it gives me to watch the rabbit in the headlights reaction.

KinNora · 15/05/2013 21:13

Hey my rock is languishing in my work locker as it's a memento from the Spud Years, although the next manager who annoys me ....

KirstyWirsty · 15/05/2013 21:13

I don't think I mentioned yesterday that rocky said he felt a 'bit twitchy' after the weekend and said he still doesn't want commitment .. I said neither do I and we both agreed that we love spending time together and the sex is great

Anyhow the twitchy man who doesn't want a relationship called me tonight for a blether!!!

He also is coming back early on Sunday ( as he is away climbing Saturday till Sunday ) so has said to meet earlier than teatime to stay at his and has suggested a sleepover on Monday too ???

I am hoping that although we both don't want commitment that he will be more like a boyfriend who I live separately from than a fwb ... Do you think I'm getting carried away?

Scrazy · 15/05/2013 21:18

Kirsty, sounds similar to my set-up. If he says he doesn't want a relationship then listen to him rather than getting carried away. There is a chance that he might change as time goes on and all you can do is hopefully not fall in love and enjoy it for what it is. Date other men in the meantime, I don't but would if I met someone nice in the supermarket!

OhWesternWind · 15/05/2013 21:20

Rose I just wish I had been as sorted and self-aware as you are when I was in my twenties. (Not meant in a patronising way at all). I am full of admiration for how you've coped with a situation that would have felled many women twice your age. Have you got a moving out date yet? Please say yes!

Toni well if he denies it then he wouldn't have a problem with you going to the police, would he? Horrible feeling to think that someone you trust(ed) has done something like that to you.

Kirsty mixed signals from Rocky or what! But just remember the old saying that when a man tells you what he is (and by extrapolation what he wants/doesn't want) then believe him . . .

KinNora · 15/05/2013 21:20

SP I'm now awaiting my first patient who comes in with an xray card saying ' Crush injury - ? fractured 1st & 2nd metatarsals. Pt dropped giant confectionary penis on foot 2/7 ago. Swelling +++ Bruising +++'

TigsytheTiger · 15/05/2013 21:21

Toni I wouldn't report it personally, only because it may be too hard to prove ... but what a cock. My ex among the many awful things he did stole my passport so me and the DC's couldn't go on holiday. Best to keep your cards stashed away safely from now on.

Kirsty I don't think you're getting carried away, it can only ever be a problem if the feelings aren't mutual and then we refer you back to rule 5 cos we do luv a rule

KirstyWirsty · 15/05/2013 21:22

scrazy I like him, he is fit and gorgeous , the chemistry between us is amazing .. I don't want to live with him or introduce him to my DD but I quite like the idea of us living separately and getting together when we are free .. To not only have sex but to go to the flicks or out dancing.. I am hopefully getting my separation agreement signed in the next week and am going to buy a house .. He has offered to do the gardening!!

KinNora · 15/05/2013 21:22

And Rose - you knock the twenty odd year old me into a cocked hat. I was a daft tart at your age.

Awaits cries of 'Surely not, Nora !'

HeyBeenTryingToMeetYou · 15/05/2013 21:22

Kirsty, what's that mumsnet phrase, about if a man tells you who he is, then you should listen.

If you are hoping for more, and he is being all gorgeous and charming, but telling you he doesn't want commitment, it sounds like a recipe for heartbreak to me. Just tread carefully with eyes open I guess?

KirstyWirsty · 15/05/2013 21:23

(And tigsy and OWW cross post!)

Scrazy · 15/05/2013 21:23

Kirsty, then let him do the gardening Grin

TigsytheTiger · 15/05/2013 21:24

surely not! Nora

Scrazy · 15/05/2013 21:25

Kin, me too, I went mad at that age.

TigsytheTiger · 15/05/2013 21:25

Kirsty a fit and gorgeous man pruning your bush, what more could a girl ask for? Grin

KirstyWirsty · 15/05/2013 21:27

Yes .. I am listening to what he said .. When he was being twitchy he said he was worried that I would get hurt .. I have told him I am going in with open eyes

The last person I had this conversation with was mr cheeky .. He ended up falling in love with me or so he said as he also let me down more than once I didn't fall for him though

Pomegranatenoir · 15/05/2013 21:29

Just for the record I think you are all extremely amazing!

EternalRose · 15/05/2013 21:29

*Kinnora, you make me smile and your posts always crack me up! Best nickname I have seen on a forum too Grin

OWW Thank you, I don't have a moving date yet, BUT I am £200 away from having all the money I need to get the fook out! Grin. Woop. This makes me happy indeed. I have been living with my now-ex since Feb 15th!!!! It's been a long old road, but I have been using this time to work on myself, got a bit of a head start on the recovery process me thinks! I have had my low moments, last week was pretty rough actually so I don't always sound this 'switched on' but I know I am doing the right thing...

But like I said before, this thread has been a saviour, it has given me hope that something better is out there for me.

Scrazy · 15/05/2013 21:33

Kirsty, you need to think carefully about what you are offering him which might end up being a NSA relationship. All the hallmarks and comforts of a relationship but with him feeling let off the hook to see other women and do what he wants. Of course, you can too, but would you want to? that is the question.

It's not an easy ask, believe me I know except with mine it's a bit more complex. I think mine will end when one of us meets someone we really want to be with more, probably him but who knows.

Original poster
Flipper924 · 15/05/2013 21:34

Hm, Kirsty, mixed messages there from Rocky.

OP posts:
EternalRose · 15/05/2013 21:35

Hey I have heard that phrase before as well, but I thought I read it in a book ha.

KirstyWirsty · 15/05/2013 21:42

Strike out error!!

News flash .. Just had a whatsapp from theboy ( the 22year old who disappeared before we met In april ) He thought I disappeared .. Think I will meet him for a coffee as friends as he seems good fun

EternalRose · 15/05/2013 21:43

And I agree, definitely sounds like mixed messages...

KirstyWirsty · 15/05/2013 21:43

scrazy he has already told me that he doesn't shag about and while he is seeing me he won't be seeing anyone else