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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dating thread no 53

999 replies

Flipper924 · 06/05/2013 21:48

The Rules

1 Develop a thick skin;

  1. Do not invest emotionally too soon;
  2. It's all BS until it actually happens;
  3. Trust your gut instinct;
  4. If it is not fun, stop

Off we go...

OP posts:
HeyBeenTryingToMeetYou · 15/05/2013 20:20

A brief comment about the degree thing. I have a degree, and would, in an unthinking kind of a way, have assumed (before I did OD) that I would naturally have more affinity with someone similarly educated. Anyway, I've dated 3 guys, 2 with no degrees, one with qualifications coming out of his ass.

The 2 non degree dates, full of sparky chat, humour, sarcasm, interesting ideas (and one of those was MrAttractive). The highly qualified guy, utterly dulldom, no sense of humour at all, worst date of the 3 by a mile.

So I guess what I'm saying is it may be worth sometimes casting your net a bit wider, as you may be missing out on something good. This includes stuff like height etc. MrAttractive would have initially been disqualified if I was being in picky mode, but I ignored it, and well, his name says it all really.

OhWesternWind · 15/05/2013 20:20

Django the children thing can be a bit of an issue, but like you say it's a good idea to keep them in the dark a bit. Mine just know I go "out" with "no-one you know" and that works fine too.

Your text friend sounds interesting but it might be best just to firmly get rid if you're thinking of looking for something else ... Or keep him as a trusty standby.

Yep, many no chemistry dates here too but I have an unquenchable hope that it will all be well, for all of us.

Keep posting now you've started Grin

SPsCliffingAllOverMN · 15/05/2013 20:22

Btw I haven't been on a date since shy guy. I nearly had a 'booty call' the other night but je was in Blackpool. Not shy guy,someone I know in RL.

We are chatting and having a laugh. I have a next week child free as my son is going away for a week with his dads family so going to meet up with him then and see what happens.

OD isn't working for me at all. I'm getting all kinds of strange messages and no one interesting.

Scrazy · 15/05/2013 20:23

Welcome DJ, the younger ones are always fun to flirt with aren't they? It's a good idea to keep your profile hidden and message a couple you like the look of. You will get replies if you have a good photo on, this is what I do if I dip my toe back in. I haven't had much success with OD though, tend to do better with RL meetings.

I reckon my only bit of advice I should give now is do what makes you Smile and Grin.

VelvetSpoon · 15/05/2013 20:24

I wanted to date someone with a degree more out of curiosity than anything else, as none of my previous Exs had been to uni (well, not strictly true, one went for a term and then left) but that box remains unticked. Which I'm not unhappy about as C is lovely even if he hasn't got a degree.

mercury7 · 15/05/2013 20:24

Thank you Kin :o

OhWesternWind · 15/05/2013 20:25

Oh god now I am worrying that I am dogmatic as well as cliquey, unwelcoming, prudish and, horror of horrors, forty-two.

Are you going to Blackpool then SP? Can just imagine you getting it on with your kiss me quick hat and a little stick of Blackpool rock ...

niceupthedance · 15/05/2013 20:26

Um, I posted for the first time yesterday but have been reading since 20-something...

I had a specific question about an IE, several posters answered and it was helpful. I don't find the thread intimidating, however I am not a hardcore dater so don't have much to contribute (although that may change soon when I move to a different city).

In summary: I don't really understand the beef here

Toni2710 · 15/05/2013 20:26

Oh dear. What has happened here?

I'm new, have been welcomed, sometimes don't get responses, but such is the way of the world. It can't all be dating talk here or it would be pretty dull. That said, this big 'discussion' is ridiculous.

SPsCliffingAllOverMN · 15/05/2013 20:27

He only went for the weekend. It was me texting him at 4am on my way home as he lives on route between town and my house. Grin He did reply and apologised for been in Blackpool though.

TigsytheTiger · 15/05/2013 20:28

Welcome django perfect timing! Wink, good luck with first steps of OD, keep posting and let us know how it goes. mercury you are always to the point and speak your mind, I call that honest Grin

mercury7 · 15/05/2013 20:29

I like to think I can tell if someone is intellectually on my wavelength without knowing if they have a degree or not

(perhaps I would say that seeing as I dont have oneBlush)

but some people (in life generally) appear think that if you dont have qualifications at that level it's because you lacked the intellectual horsepower, it may be for other reasons.

Infact I consider myself an autodidact (facetiousness intentional)

HeyBeenTryingToMeetYou · 15/05/2013 20:29

Welcome Django, I second Scrazy's advice (oh with a 'be safe' thing thrown in there too).

Velvet I have wanted to run up to you (in an online sense) for ages and shout 'look we're personality twins' (in parody of the Friends episode where Joey finds his Hand Twin), as I recognise a lot of myself in you except I'm not as glam, or educated, or successful in career terms but didn't because I thought I'd sound a bit deranged. But, seeing as the thread's gone a bit bonkers this evening..... Blush

JulietteMontague · 15/05/2013 20:31

MsC the person who left the thread was not judged for having sex, I believe she was not the first person to have sex on the thread and certainly won't be the last. It was not, as said at the time about a woman expressing her sexuality, she was not judged. It kicked off after someone else posted their concerns and I said I thought something was 'off'. Not that she was off, something didn't feel right about her posts and I also said that at the time. It turns out that more than a few people thought the same thing but as someone said at the time, didn't want to say so for fear of being attacked.

She was not chased off, no one was horrible to her. Assumptions were made for whatever reason that it was about judging her having sex, it was not.

KinNora · 15/05/2013 20:31

My first OD date was a degree-less milkman ( Ernieeeee), very clever, very funny, second was The Man Who Said he Had a Phd But Hadn't Passed his Cycling Proficiency Let Alone Anything Else, I don't think Showbiz has a degree, again, very clever and funny , Talent Show is a university dropout, I think the rest have had MScs.

Almost everyone I work with has degrees, many of them are fuckwits.

OhWesternWind · 15/05/2013 20:31

Well that is much better then SP, no chance of sand in awkward places Grin

HeyBeenTryingToMeetYou · 15/05/2013 20:32

OWW you have been so welcoming to me, that if MrAttractive and I get married I am buying YOU a hat! except I never actually want to marry again, but you know wim

KinNora · 15/05/2013 20:33

SP and OWW I have a stick of rock which was bought for me, with 'PERVERT' as the lettering through the middle...

Scrazy · 15/05/2013 20:33

Velvet, it wouldn't be a good thread if everyone agreed with everything would it. If someone wants some advice then there is nothing wrong with giving it from your own perspective as long as people are respectful with it.

I think we all know if we take any problems onto the wider board the responses can be shockingly blunt. Don't see anyone being that blunt on here, we are much gentler I would say.

TigsytheTiger · 15/05/2013 20:35

I think the older you are, the less common a degree is? I find plenty of people without degrees to be witty entertaining and educated. I wouldn't rule a degree in or out when considering an online date now height and muscles that's another story, Tigsy bows shallow head in shame

HeyBeenTryingToMeetYou · 15/05/2013 20:35

Ooo, that stick of rock could come in very handy one day Kin Wink

SPsCliffingAllOverMN · 15/05/2013 20:36

Kin I have a huge rock willy in my kitchen. Its very heavy! If you dropped it on your foot it would break your toe.

Oh no, no sand thank god. Hes only down the road. I was planning on popping in at 4am totally pissed

TigsytheTiger · 15/05/2013 20:36

The wider board is scary Grin

OhWesternWind · 15/05/2013 20:38

Toni and all other lurkers - doesn't matter if you're dating or not, it's always good to hear opinions and questions and daft humour. Come and join in, keep posting.

Hey just as long as it's a great big cluck-off straw cartwheel affair that will block the view of any bugger behind me ... Surfer Rosa today btw!

durestasiesta · 15/05/2013 20:38

Juliette as I saw it with that incident, attacking that poster was exactly what happened. Im sure if you were repeatley told you were off, you would feel attacked too. That poster had been around since the first thread I think? im sure she hadnt had any such incidents before that all kicked off.

I can see that on the most part its a case of fingers in ears and carry on as we were, that is your choice.