Dating thread no 53

[Flipper924]

The Rules

1 Develop a thick skin;

1. Do not invest emotionally too soon;
2. It's all BS until it actually happens;
3. Trust your gut instinct;
4. If it is not fun, stop

Off we go...

Wine, i tend to do that aswell now, since no fucker has the right to fuck me about on a whim, but i've tried, i shall try no more this time.

I promise you that isn't true Louly

Without wishing to sound big headed and despite my plus sized arse I am confident in my own attractiveness (being a model on the side helps) and I know I am a kind and intelligent person with a sense of humour and adventure so I honestly can't see anything wrong in my personality either and it still happens to me

It totally reflects on them being flaky and not you at all I promise.

What I've found is that on first dates people are on their best behaviour. Second dates people come out of their shells a bit more and some of their more hidden weirdnesses may come out. You may choose to not see them again after this. I'd save exclusivity for after a third date, possibly having gone to bed with them and finding out if they screech like a gibbon.

I wouldn't sleep with two people at the same time, but I would consider still having first/second dates with more than one person as, quite frankly, so many just disappear due to issues with exes, deciding they don't want to get serious, or the fact they don't like me screeching like a gibbon.

People who want to get exclusive straight away, without even meeting you (in some cases) - that's usually a red flag indicating possessiveness and insecurity.

WFF - we always notice you :)

Also, what counts as 'disappearing'? I had a date on Friday with a woman who just wasn't my sort. At all. It was obvious. For the first time ever I actually thought about just saying 'no' and turning around and leaving when I got there - I didn't, cos I'm not an arse, but it was so obviously not right I did think about it for a second. So I didn't mail or call her afterwards with a 'thanks but no thanks' - does that make me a disappearer?

Bant, im talking more about being so keen, like not leaving the other person alone then suddenly nothing, and its not the first time its happened either.

X Posted, Wine, if hes not interested, then i'd rather know, i respect honesty alot, and if he was honest then i could leave it and move on.

I dont think that makes you a disappearer Bant.
I have felt like leaving immediately on around 70% of first dates and had they not contacted me afterwards I'd not have bothered with the thanks but no thanks text.

When I've met someone who must have known from my photo's that I wouldnt have looked twice at them if I passed them in the street I just feel really irritated that I let them waste my time and I certainly dont feel as if I owe them any explanation.

Louly, this has happened to me a lot. I have had hundreds of texts and messages from blokes, with one I actually turned my phone off because I couldn't get anything done. Amd then (usually post first date) they go all quiet, text 2/3 times a day rather than 10 or more every hour, then disappear. Because they are complete dicks, each and every one. Either they are not looking for a relationship (and just bullshitting), or they are seeing loads of women doing the whole sweetshop thing. But whatever it is, it almost certainly won't be you.

I did all this stuff for 4 years, never got beyond a first date. Which made no sense to me at all because I know I am attractive, I have a good personality, great job, lovely home. In theory I should tick most boxes. My lack of success HAS to be them and not me - and it will be the same for you I'm sure. And after all that crap, I am now dating 4omeone who is a thousand times lovelier and far more attractive than all the idiots who binned me off after 1 date.

But if you want a break, take one for a while. Or carry on, maybe on a different site. You will meet someone nice evenually, however unlikely it may seem now.

Apologies for typos, am on my phone :)

Bant, I think as has been said, if she didn't seem too keen either, then leave it. If however she clearly was interested in seeing you again I'd send a polite thanks but no spark reply.

Velvet I had a break for a 18 months, it was an accidental meeting online, so i decided to take the chance.

Well glad im not some kind of OD whore! I did think it was really excessive to think that we shouldn't date other people just to go on a second date. Its kind of put me off him a bit to be honest. I fear I may be very fussy!

Louly - I think there are lots of men out there who just love the feeling of power they get over making a woman interested in them, then completely ignoring them. Bah. I's sure its not you.

Bant - I think thats fine. Im not sure I would contact someone I wasnt interested in after a bad date if they didnt contact me. That says it all really, and stops the predicament of wording 'im just not into you'.

Ex is dating a new woman - i hate it. I wish i could find someone i actually really like. That would help a lot I think. It doesnt help that hes purposely trying to make me jealous. Just need to remember that I left him because hes a lying cheating arse, and I can do better than that (easier said than done though :0( )

Just had a message from a guy i spoke to a while ago on POF, but turned down as I didnt feel ready to date (and he was lovely). He then disappeared from the site, just as I wad ready. great to have a message though, so potentially another date lined up.

A new thread! How did that happen?

OWW just caught up on yesterday's stuff. So sorry about knobhead, hope your feeling ok today. Please, don't let it derail Indie, you need - and deserve - all the good in your life you can get

Lubey still nothing but awe for you

WFF was that a dig, eh?

Nora hope you're feeling a little less inflamed this morning! Same goes for Wine's nose

louly welcome and believe what everyone says about the disappearers - and I think Bant's skating a little close to the edge! - it's not us. Or at least it's not you, it might still be me but I'm working on it!

Huge, double arm wave to everyone else particularly those suffering winedoom and carpiness. You know who you are!!

Glad to hear it Wine! Maybe a glib if Vaseline as a preventative measure next time?

Glob of, obviously

Waiting for therockclimber to arrive .. I feel quite nervous!!

Hello daters!

So basically, I have been doing some thinking... and I hope you all don't think I am a prude.

But, I would not be comfortable with sleeping with someone after a few dates at all. May I ask if the reason for sleeping with someone so soon is to test out sexual compatibility? And if there is none, you would just bin the other person? Is it silly of me to think that sexual compatibility can be worked on if there is a connection in every other area of the relationship or is this me just being way too optimistic?

I haven't yet decided if someone being not that great in the sack is a deal breaker because I have been with someone who was fine, but he was crap in every other area of our relationship so I found him a big turn off, its all very confusing!

Rose. No one is going to think you're a prude. Everyone has different comfort zones. I think you can get an idea what someone is line in bed from a kiss, to some extent, but for me if someone us going to just lie back and think of England, I don't want to sleep with them. Also if they turn up with handcuffs and a ball gag, that's just too much. Either one would put me off but I don't need to sleep with everyone just to get that idea.

I'm comfortable with the three date thing myself, but would go sooner if the spark was there. I've dropped people who obviously wanted to before though, on the first or second (or later) date if it didn't feel right for other reasons

Good luck Kirsty

Rose I think we're all different as to what works. For me, it's almost like I feel I'm running out of time, and so am willing to risk the fallout of it being too soon in the search, so far elusive, for the 'movie sex' as experienced by Snape
And for the same reason sexual incompatibility would be a deal breaker for me. Twenty years is long enough, I refuse to waste any more of my life trying to train someone up!
But then I'm an old gimmer, you, if I remember rightly, have decades ahead of you to take all the time you need!