DH said, DH left, waves is still being sick but into the third timester

[wavesandsmiles]

I haven't been around here for a while, as I was worried that twunt was reading MN to find out what my thoughts/plans were. He may very well still be doing that, but he's gone now, and my new mission is to reach out for as much support as possible (trying to see it as a sign of strength to ask for help rather than a sign of failure), so here I am.

Back in January DH (hitherto referred to as twunt), told me I had to fix the marriage etc, then within days I found out he'd been texting OW to say our marriage was over, researching late abortions etc. This was when I was 14 weeks pregnant. I'm now 27 weeks pregnant, and still have hyperemesis, necessitating almost daily visits to hospital for IV meds and fluids. Twunt left just over a month ago, and I now have lodgers in, which is helping with the mortgage.

I'm trying to be strong for my DCs, but at times it all gets rather overwhelming....especially as it is not really that long to go until my little acrobat makes an appearance. Before then I am on a twunt detox, and am trying to have no contact with him whatsoever. My DCs are being very good (most of the time), despite having to cope with their step dad (who planned to adopt them) just disappearing, and me being so ill all the time. But it is obviously challenging for them.

Terrified of the summer when acrobat arrives and the inevitably of facing up to a form of contact with the utter shite who left me in this predicament - our baby was wanted, and planned for. Lots of other practicalities to consider too, and considering investing in a diary so that I can put things onto paper rather than leave things spinning around in my head....

Anyway, I'm back, and hoping that there will be some virtual hands to hold as I continue to battle the hyperemesis, hormones and general challenges of the final trimester, and the impact of the not so "D" H's departure.

Absolutely, acrobat will be fine.
Found this.

www.pregnancysicknesssupport.org.uk/help/treatments/

I know my SIL had terrible HG and was medicated, but she lives overseas so might have different approved drugs.

Agree, acrobat will be fine. The foetus takes precedence over the mother in pregnancy - he gets first dibs on all the goodies and you get what's left, if anything.

Your radar is improving all the time, fantastic!

It did cross my mind that now you've split with the Twunt, his ex has decided to make a "friend" of you on the principle that "the enemy of my enemy is my friend" - but that's no reason for YOU to agree to her idea. She hasn't been any kind of "friend" to you before now, so really, she's not going to be a good one now. Glad you've decided to stop letting her texts bother you. :)

3/4 of the way there, Waves - that's great! Soon you'll be feeling so much better...

Followers of your threads will be keen to see you through the sickness and hear about Acrobat's safe arrival, waves.
What a journey you've had. I mustn't be selfish but hope you keep posting when able.

Good luck too, thekat.

So disappointing when you've been trying hard to eat, but would be less weight if you'd not have been trying so hard ... And yes, tis a fact that the baby will be getting everything he/she needs, it's you that isn't. Take care.

De-lurking just to say, I think you're doing brilliantly with everything that's happened, but also - at 29 wks I was 7 lb under my pre-preg weight thanks to morning sickness - my midwife wasn't bothered by my weight at all as she said - baby was a parasite who'll always get what they need - and I'd be grateful after the baby was born! (I was too, until I ate so much chocolate through sleep deprivation I'm right back where I started )

DD is a bouncing healthy, happy 8 month old now (pic on profile for proof!)

Well, I had a bit of a better day today. It was sunny and really warm here, so the DCs spent the day splashing about in the paddling pool on the patio, whilst I lay on a sunbed doing nothing at all. Very lazy and non-smelly lunch was prepared comprising carrot sticks, shop bought hummus, and toast. So, a little less sick as well today.

Glad to hear reassurances about acrobat. He is very active, so I have no major concerns, and at least I can eat lots and lots of icecream once he is born

Bit wobbly tonight, desperate to call/text twunt and beg for him to want us to work. I won't, just feel lonely I think, and sad about everything. I will go to bed very soon, and sleep off these feelings.

good to hear today was better Waves watching the DS play in the paddling pool sounds lovely and relaxing!

sorry about the loneliness, hope you managed to resist the impulse to text and i hope a good nights sleep helps. when you are feeling less ill it will be easier to see or call friends and tackle the loneliness that way. in the meantime, keep posting

I am feeling a bit better at the moment so have spent the evening very excitingly ironing maternity clothes, was a bit to much to take on but I need to distract myself from how quiet the house is I think.

Yes baby will not suffer - he will pinch the calcium from your bones & iron & glucose from your blood (from your body fat stores if you don't eat). The trouble is you will end up depleted - what's your haemaglobin level like? I'm guessing it would be hard for you to keep down an iron, calcium & vitamin D supplement to support you? Not long now & you're doing so well

Hope today was good too.... slightly of paddling pool weather!

I also hope you were able to resist texting your ex. Could just picture him casually wrecking a day like that.

Not too long now till the little acrobat makes his appearance... you will be so much happier and healthier when he does :)

It's 16 weeks since I first posted on the twunt issues! I can't believe what has happened in that time.

This was my first thread

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/a1670597-So-DH-said

I'm still a bit shocked that so much has changed, but it helped to see what an UTTER twunt he was.

I didn't text him btw, and soon I am off to bed, sleep needed after a day of trying to batch cook meals for the freezer so when I feel crap at least the DCs can have something good to eat.

So much water under the bridge waves. So much you have achieved under such difficult circumstances. You should be very, very proud of yourself.

You've come so far!!

Sounds like a perfect day to me waves. No texting, he has said he wants to be alone. You are better than him. Maybe chit hat to lodgers or phone a friend if you are fed up.

I read a quote this morning and thought of you: "Tough times never last, but tough people do". Your tough time will pass, and in so many ways you are already a long way through it, but you .... you are one tough cookie. You will survive this, you will cope, you will create a wonderful life for your three, and you will always have that inner core of strength.

Sounds like you had a good weekend.

Very organised waves, you are doing marvellously. Paddling pool and sunbed eh, I really do live in the wrong part of the UK!

We all have a tummy bug I think. DS has been off school today, I feel worse than usual and DD got home and promptly burst into tears complaining of feeling poorly with a tummy ache. Sigh. Early nights all round I guess, and I'll be fighting for toilet time the next few days.

TB texted earlier, saying "hope you are feeling better and the DCs are well. I'm at the airport, x's wedding was very nice"

I didn't even remember she was going away. And I haven't replied as I genuinely don't want to say anything to her. However, it has exacerbated my feelings of genuine loneliness, and craving again for the life I thought i was getting with twunt. I have no relationship with my sister, have cut mum out, dads dead, and that's that. Maybe this is why I blinkered my eyes to twunt's red flags? Doesn't change the fact that I absolutely hate feeling like this, and hating being alone, and hating not having a husband, the life, I thought I had, and that i stupidly thought I deserved after so so long. Grrrr. I want someone to make him back to who i thought, and send him back home. I need him.

I like liveitup 's quote, and it is so true. you will get through this, day by day step by step and life will get better.

when you have more energy you will be able to work on the friendships that are good for you and they will fill the horrible holes. better to have great friends you choose than family who treat you awfully.

I m really sorry to hear about the tummy bug, that is the last thing you need.

Tummy bugs are the pits, every term there was something 'going round'.

waves it was a false start with Twunt and it was a big let-down and disappointment but you are going to be all right, you and the DCs.

waves you HAVE got the family you deserve, a lovely little family of you and 2, soon to be 3, dc. I know it's hard now that they're young lovely but as your children grow you will realise you don't need to miss twunt and ten because you have all you need with your kids. Please believe me.

*ten = tb, sorry.

What I mean by that is that now, because they're young, although you love them to bits, they can be trying and tiring at times and life can feel very lonely when you're on your own with young children. But, as they get older, they become more independent and parenting becomes more stress free. You'll be able to have 'proper' conversations with them, socialise with them, you know, go for lunch, watch films etc (I know you can do all this now but when they're older and you do it it's more like you've got company if that makes sense and you will have the special, loving family you want and deserve).. You will feel surrounded by love, I promise, and you will look back and feel so glad you got rid if twunt.

I need him.

Like a hole in the head, Waves. You do not need him. He has done you enough harm.

The 'him' you are wishing for is someone better, the man he was pretending to be. Not actually him, though.

You do not need him - allowing you to sleep on the sofa when ill

You do not need him - encouraging his children to run riot when ill

You do not need...

waves I know how you feel sweetie. I was doing so, so well (6 weeks since 'D'H moved out). In fact, I finally made the appointment to see the lawyer today and now I just feel spent, and so very emotional. It just felt like being slapped in the face - all this talk about money and being in this situation I never dreamed I would be. I almost cried in front of the solicitor but I managed to hold it together. It's definitely set me back A LOT but I knew it would as I knew it would be a proper reality check. I just want to have my family back as it was - where money wasn't an issue and we would be planning holidays instead of how I can keep hold of the dream house we bought as the family home...

Waves you struck a chord with me with what you said about looking back on your earlier happiness - I can so relate to this. I don't want to peddle platitudes at you, but I have ended up feeling that it more helpful to see the relationship and the happiness as true and valid at the time, but in my case and I suspect in yours too, that person could not put another person's happiness equally or ahead of their own. That then has long-reaching consequences. Wishing you much strength and a very happy time with Acrobat!

angel1976 if as they say, the darkest hour is just before dawn, it seems you and waves are both deeply disillusioned but will both get through this and don't let that person's twuntery beat you down.