DH said, DH left, waves is still being sick but into the third timester

[wavesandsmiles]

I haven't been around here for a while, as I was worried that twunt was reading MN to find out what my thoughts/plans were. He may very well still be doing that, but he's gone now, and my new mission is to reach out for as much support as possible (trying to see it as a sign of strength to ask for help rather than a sign of failure), so here I am.

Back in January DH (hitherto referred to as twunt), told me I had to fix the marriage etc, then within days I found out he'd been texting OW to say our marriage was over, researching late abortions etc. This was when I was 14 weeks pregnant. I'm now 27 weeks pregnant, and still have hyperemesis, necessitating almost daily visits to hospital for IV meds and fluids. Twunt left just over a month ago, and I now have lodgers in, which is helping with the mortgage.

I'm trying to be strong for my DCs, but at times it all gets rather overwhelming....especially as it is not really that long to go until my little acrobat makes an appearance. Before then I am on a twunt detox, and am trying to have no contact with him whatsoever. My DCs are being very good (most of the time), despite having to cope with their step dad (who planned to adopt them) just disappearing, and me being so ill all the time. But it is obviously challenging for them.

Terrified of the summer when acrobat arrives and the inevitably of facing up to a form of contact with the utter shite who left me in this predicament - our baby was wanted, and planned for. Lots of other practicalities to consider too, and considering investing in a diary so that I can put things onto paper rather than leave things spinning around in my head....

Anyway, I'm back, and hoping that there will be some virtual hands to hold as I continue to battle the hyperemesis, hormones and general challenges of the final trimester, and the impact of the not so "D" H's departure.

waves, I hope you get to end this thread on a positive when he finally fucks off leaves, and you can start a new thread with good, positive vibes looking forward to the appearance of your little acrobat.

yes waves - nearly time to start a new thread, just in time for acrobat to arrive. Maybe ask your doula or nice tenant to hang around for coffee on Saturday morning. Just for backup.

Take a minute and realise that you are a bloody clever cookie, who will take no shit.

^ Exactly.

What an utter twat. Glad he's leaving but be prepared for the room to be anything but clean and tidy, and make sure that you keep an eye on him leaving so he doesn't take anything he shouldn't!
Are you returning his deposit as well? You should hang onto that until you've seen the state of the room...

You are doing immensely well, by the way. I had to ask 2 lodgers (out of the several I had) to leave and it was always extremely stressful to do so, especially the last one: he stopped paying rent, he was always a bit dodgy but it got ridiculous in the last few weeks and in the end I wrote him a letter to say if things didn't improve, he needed to leave as I couldn't afford to keep him there and sort of gave him a week's notice - nothing improved so I said he had to be out by the end of the week. He tried to argue but as you've realised, there's no real protection for lodgers; I was a little concerned I might need to get someone round to make sure he went peacefully but no, it was all fine.

You'll feel soooooo much better when he's gone (and I bet L2 will be relieved he's gone too!)

Thanks for all the supportive and kind words. They are definitely taking the edge off things. Still stressed and headachey but hoping that will improve once he has gone. I definitely won't return the deposit until I have properly checked the room. And I am not going to get a new one until acrobat is here and we have had at least a few weeks to settle in.

Busy day again - endless phone calls it seems, and it was DS's sports day so I sat through most of that until I felt so sick I really had to go. But I saw him do the sack race and it was lovely to see the big beaming smile on his face as he waved at me

It's film time now for the DCs and me, peace and quiet in my room so we can avoid L1, and just relax a little I hope. Tomorrow I am meeting our health visitor, who I think is actually the same one from when DS and DD were born!

Still niggly BH wise, hoping acrobat stays put a little longer, as I would like to be on a positive thread for that, so I need L1 to leave on this one.

Saturday morning we will be out - DCs have their swimming lesson then I am off to play at the festival, so by the time we get home early afternoon, it should be an L1-free environment. Fingers and toes are crossed.

Hope you're going to ask your HV for as much help and support as she can give you .

I'll bet your boy was thrilled you were at sports day for him.

Agatha All I thought about her visit was that I had better vacuum the lounge - I suppose asking for help would be a good idea, thanks for the reminder!

waves you are incorrigible! Yes do ask HV for as much back-up as she can muster.

How nice to see DS at Sports Day (worrying waves inflated a bouncy castle or put out the hurdles or made all the sacks).

Honestly waves .

Don't vacuum, if you present a spotlessly clean and tidy house, she will think she doesn't need to offer support. Chuck a few bits of rubbish around, don't vacuum, and most of all, be honest about how hard it has been and still is. Their job is to help and support you but she won't do it if it doesn't look like it is needed.

Oh I'm ouchy this evening. Want to go walk round the garden but L1 is enjoying his teenage rebellion and hasn't been considerate enough to respect the kitchen time thing. L2 is with him, so maybe he has had his head turned now and will be leaving too? It is sooo hard. I refused to discuss any of this with L2 as it didn't need to be discussed, not being anything to do with him. But L1 has been going on so much that I'm probably the wicked witch now.

I hate feeling like this, especially when feeling all crampy too. Oh, as well as the pickle and pasta sauce splatter incidents, I have watched over a period of days, a banana in his designated cupboard in the kitchen turn completely mouldy, and to my horror today saw raw lamb in the cupboard. He has loads of space in the fridge! And claims he has worked as a chef and a ski chalet host. Honestly, raw meat in a cupboard?! Ill be bleaching Saturday evening I think.

Or is raw meat in a cupboard in warm weather normal?

In the cupboard, ewwwwww, is he trying to poison you all with all the nasties, what a twat.

Do not vacuum! You need to be brutally honest about how bad its been and make sure you ask for as much help as you can get.

get women next time - may be cleaner

Do you think it's worth having a quick word with L2. He's bound to have his head turned if he's only heard L1's ranting. Or would you prefer a fresh start with two new lodgers?

Take pictures on your phone.

Perhaps after L1 has gone you could get all the lodgers together and deliver a 'lecture' as to what sort of behaviour you expect from people who are sharing your home. What is acceptable and what is not acceptable. Then you can tell them that L1 had broken several of these basic levels of courtesy and cooperation and therefore you had had o choice but to demand he leave.

A kind of pep talk, dispelling whatever myths L1 may have tried to put about, as well as a reminder of levels of behaviour expected.

You all share the house. They have to cooperate and be courteous and considerate not just to each other, but to you and your children, after all.

yes take pics of his skankiness. meat in a cupboard in this weather is not on. Thats why we have a fridge!

gross.

Waves, do ask for help, dont hoover, dont do anything, you DO need help, so please make it known to your HV.

Definitely female lodgers only in future!! Yuk!!

I had one female lodger who never washed up, only ate cheese on toast in the evening and didn't wash the grill pan ever, and left at the end of the month when I was away for the weekend, having not paid her share of the bills or given me a month's notice. Her deposit covered most of the bills - but that still meant I hadn't found a lodger to occupy her room so was out of pocket. So some women can be thoughtless and underhand too.

Meat in a cupboard - vile!

I wouldn't bother talking to the other lodgers about it all. As you say, it's not their business. I think L2 will probably settle down once L1s gone. He maybe feels between a rock and a hard place at the moment as he works with him.

I think I would make some house rules, get them laminated and put them in a communal area - kitchen maybe - and also on the backs of the bedroom door of L1s old room when he goes, just so the newcomer is in no doubt. Then stick them on the backs of all doors as each lodger moves out.

Hope you will be having a restful day today.

Beautiful day here, how are you all getting on?

Hope you have nice chat with HV waves.

You could get one of those 'Abuse won't be tolerated' posters.

little SHIT (bears repeating)

You've gone quiet waves - hope you're ok xxx

Hi, I'm ok. Had my doula round for an hour and a half going through the birth plan etc, and then the HV. Have also unscrewed and thoroughly cleaned the kitchen sink drain.... Off to take my recycling shortly then it will just be a case of music practise and loading up the car for tomorrow.

My HV seems fine although a bit routine obsessed as far as babies go which isn't really my thing, but I can simply nod and smile. I told her I'm planning to co sleep from the start as I accidentally fell into it with DD, and would rather plan for safe co sleeping than risk suffocation etc, so that's fine. Although she said , you will need to get him out by the time he is 6 months. Hmmmm, my two still sleep in with me sometimes which is fine with me, so not something I will fret about!

I am really hoping that there is no trouble from L1 tonight or tomorrow, but if there is I will call the police if necessary.

Super gross that today there is raw chicken in his kitchen cupboard. Ill be bleaching that once he has gone. Urgh.

someting wrong with him (but we know that....) if he thinks it's ok to leave meat out of the fridge in this weather (one of my lodgers insisted on cutting up meat on the wooden bread board and wouldn't hear of it when I said erm use the right one, don't want meat left in the grooves. He wasn't haven't it. He went off over christmas for a month and asked me to hold his room. Of course, I said, as long as you pay for it for the month. he was outraged! What do you expect me to do, he said. I have no idea I said. But you have to pay for the room if you want to keep it, I said. He took off.)

Here's hoping with you that tomorrow goes off without a hitch xx

Just had the DCs school reports, both doing well, but DS needs to take advice and stop coasting so he can produce better work. That said, they seem to have really high scores in terms of national curriculum. DD got reading 3b, writing and maths 3c, and is just finishing year 2. DS got reading and maths 4b and writing 3a. They are meant to go up a level every 2 years apparently but I have no idea where reports from 2 years ago are. But based on averages I think they are well ahead? But how to get DS to stop coasting?

Anyway, they are well behaved and polite and quiet which matters a lot. And their reward? Ah, I'm taking them off to do the recycling for me. Bad bad mummy, but no spare money til Monday.