DH said, DH left, waves is still being sick but into the third timester

[wavesandsmiles]

I haven't been around here for a while, as I was worried that twunt was reading MN to find out what my thoughts/plans were. He may very well still be doing that, but he's gone now, and my new mission is to reach out for as much support as possible (trying to see it as a sign of strength to ask for help rather than a sign of failure), so here I am.

Back in January DH (hitherto referred to as twunt), told me I had to fix the marriage etc, then within days I found out he'd been texting OW to say our marriage was over, researching late abortions etc. This was when I was 14 weeks pregnant. I'm now 27 weeks pregnant, and still have hyperemesis, necessitating almost daily visits to hospital for IV meds and fluids. Twunt left just over a month ago, and I now have lodgers in, which is helping with the mortgage.

I'm trying to be strong for my DCs, but at times it all gets rather overwhelming....especially as it is not really that long to go until my little acrobat makes an appearance. Before then I am on a twunt detox, and am trying to have no contact with him whatsoever. My DCs are being very good (most of the time), despite having to cope with their step dad (who planned to adopt them) just disappearing, and me being so ill all the time. But it is obviously challenging for them.

Terrified of the summer when acrobat arrives and the inevitably of facing up to a form of contact with the utter shite who left me in this predicament - our baby was wanted, and planned for. Lots of other practicalities to consider too, and considering investing in a diary so that I can put things onto paper rather than leave things spinning around in my head....

Anyway, I'm back, and hoping that there will be some virtual hands to hold as I continue to battle the hyperemesis, hormones and general challenges of the final trimester, and the impact of the not so "D" H's departure.

Donkeys Thank you for that. I know things will get better. I have been relentlessly positive about everything for my boys. Now they are in bed, I am allowing myself a little sob for the family I thought I had and no longer have... :(

I hope dawn arrives quickly! Angel I am sorry that you are going through something similar, and understand how you feel about being relentlessly positive for the DCs. It is when they are sleeping or at school that I tend to let my tears out.

I am sure that acrobat's arrival at least will herald a new dawn. An end to the hyperemesis and other pg niggles, a beautiful baby to welcome into the world, who is going to be so LOVED by me, and by my DS and DD. DS just today drew a picture of the Halloween outfits he wants each of us to wear

Sick day for all 3 of us tomorrow, so planning movies on the sofa with 3 sick bowls to hand.

Oh, and twunt reactivated his fb account. I thought he had blocked me but clearly not - it was just a deactivation thing. I should block him myself now, but part of me wants to see what he is up to....

Oh do try and resist that one, it won't make you feel any better, much worse in fact. FB is the work of the devil.

Hope you all get over the bugs quickly. It's the last thing you need right now I should think.

Sorry waves I am just feeling a bit sorry for myself today after seeing the lawyer, I will feel better tomorrow. Have plans to go have cake and coffee with a good friend of mine. This thread isn't about me really.

I really hope you feel better soon. I was ill when I took the kids glamping on my own on a trip that was planned for the family. I held up and the kids had a blast but came back home, lost my voice and literally collapsed crying my eyes out. It's horrid! But you do have something/someone to look forward to meeting so very soon and you know that all your MNetter friends will be there cheering you on and holding your virtual hand when it happens! :) You won't be alone.

waves please block him on FB - it really, really can't make you feel any better to look at him on there, it's will just prolong the whole thing. Plus, don't forget that people only put on FB what they want others to see and that will include him.

I hope today is not to bad for all of you.

I agree, block on fb - it will interrupt your detox, will also just make you angry/miserable to see what nonsense he puts up there.

Feel better soon. tummy bugs are the worst.

BLOCK HIM IMMEDIATELY!!

It will do you no good to see what's going on with his FB. None. All you would be doing is poking a wound with a sharp and salty stick. STOP before you even start.

Couple of points:
"I need him" - no. You think you need someone to help support you (actually you don't need that, you'd like/prefer it, but you don't need it) but Twunt isn't that person. He never was, despite initial pretence.

Being positive for the children - this is an interesting point, and may be irrelevant in this instance because they might be bloody glad he's gone - but sometimes, being relentlessly positive/cheerful in front of them disallows them to feel any of their own grief/negative feelings, they end up feeling that they have to do the same as you, which can be problematic. As I said, might be irrelevant in this case but bear it in mind.

You're doing so well! Hope the sickness is easing off a little x

Hello waves, how is everyone, did the DCs stay off school, hope some improvement today?

I haven't yet blocked him on fb, but I will do. All he has done is posted a kurt cobain quote, but made a grammatical error so it completely changes the meaning. And he is selling a lot of computer games on a local buying/selling page.

In terms of the bug, DS is on the mend, but DD is very poorly, so I have been cuddling her and rinsing out sick bowls a lot of today. DS has to stay off tomorrow, hoping that he will be back to school on Thursday, and DD on Friday. Just in time before half term all of next week! I managed to make homemade chicken noodle soup which DS ate for lunch. DD will be able to have some tomorrow I hope.

I have no breastfeeding tops or nightwear, and the couple of pairs of maternity jeans I picked up are still far too big, so I am still in normal clothes at the moment. Are bf tops really necessary, or do you think I will manage with loose tshirts?

In other news, TB actually phoned me up this morning, to say she had heard that DS was off school, and asked how we were and if I needed any help with the DCs. I told her that the external support is fine, so we don't need her help. And she hung up without so much as a goodbye. I think she may be a little cross that I don't "need" her. I'm continuing to ignore.

I told someone else in RL today, who has been really lovely and is going to come round next week with her girls and who has also offered help. So much else that I need to do in the next 10 weeks or so....

I dont know if you need breast feeding tops per se, some easy button tops would do I think and some muslin cloths to mop up.

Glad the DC are on the mend. You sound quite positive today Waves.

Waves - it's wonderful that you have some more RL support. Shame you TB can't step up too, but at least she's thinking of you?

I neverhad breastfeedingtops, infactnever heardof them! I had breastfeeding Bras, and just wore loose Tshirts, or shirts.

Amazed that you are still in normal clothes! You will be tiny when you've had the acrobat!

I got a bf sweatshirt and it remained unused - loose Tshirts are fine.

I don't have any specific breastfeeding tops - but I am living in "shelf" vest tops underneath other loose tops (the vests have an extra bit inside the front with elastic at the bottom for holding the boobs in) instead of a feeding bra, because I was having so much trouble finding one the right size! And now, even though I do have a few feeding bras, it's just easier staying in the vest tops (I just pull them down when feeding but have the other top over them for modesty)

Well done on dealing with TB - am impressed that she actually phoned you at all but how stupid of her to react that way. Still, nothing new there. Glad you're still getting RL help from other people - yay!

I did the same as Thumbwitch - a stretchy camisole top with the inside bit that held breast pads securely under a button front shirt. Very comfortable and discreet, although I always had a muslin to hand for extra modesty if needed. Breast-feeding bras are so expensive and your breasts are constantly changing size depending on whether they are pre or post feed so how any manufacturer ever figured they'd be a useful addition to a new mothers wardrobe is beyond me

One bra I can recommend that grows & reduces with you is the Carriwell

www.nctshop.co.uk/Carriwell-Seamless-Drop-cup-Nursing-Bra/productinfo/1197/

Under a big top - a muslin over your shoulder, all you need!

whatever you do, DON'T get a bra with a soft formed cup - the buggers have NO stretch and it's quite hard too get the drop-cup out of the way!

I always loved BF tops - although all of mine are size 16/18.

H&M do lovely ones.

Oh dear, all the talk of practicalities is not helping me to carry on with the detox. I must be around 2 weeks now, and I desperately want to text him to ask him to go out for a cup of tea (or a few icecubes in my case) and have a chat about how we could make things work I don't know why this has suddenly hit me so hard and strongly! (I bet him reappearing on FB has something to do with it though....)

I did loose top with a stretchy vest I could pull down underneath. saved buying the special breastfeeding ones.

oh waves I think it is normal to feel like this, and extra hard for you to fight the feelings when you must be feeling extra vulnerable.

Well done for 2 weeks. Stay strong.

God I remember how chilled I felt when you posted before how you begged him to work at it, and he said something along the lines that he would, only when you fully apologised for your behaviour and promised never to behave like that again. Just remember how he encouraged his boys to be disrespectful of you when you were so ill.

Please don't contact him. Remember, the man you knew doesn't exist - he was a construct.

And block him from FB.

((((MN hugs))))

It's yer 'ormones, lovey. Ignore them. It's also the "2 steps forward, 1 back" kicking in - this is the 1 step back. They will get fewer and farther between, I promise.

Please get around to blocking his FB. It doesn't have to be forever, but do it NOW, especially if you think that might have triggered your renewed feelings of wanting to work it out with him (impossible).

(((hugs))) for you - it is Going To Be All Right. xx

Blocked him.

I am not enjoying the prolonged episode of tummy upsets. DS ok and back at school today, but DD was up in the night again being sick. I am now not sure whether my sickness is the hyperemesis or the bug

I think one of my saddest thoughts is that at some stage twunt is going to be taking acrobat off, leaving me, DS and DD. It's not just going to be hard for me, but for them too, especially as I fear it will bring back for them the feelings of abandonment by their "old daddy" as they refer to my exH. I know there is sod all I can do about this situation, but again, it is something I would never knowingly have got myself into, for fear of causing pain to my DCs.

Hello again it must be tempting to reach out but please let it be to us, local rl friends, or doula, not You Know Who.

The DCs are going to do just fine waves you are the constant in their lives, you're their rock.

I'm sorry, I don't know the circumstances of your split with their father. I can't guess how DCs recollect him or whether they feel about Twunt in anything close to the same way. But I'm guessing contact with Acrobat will be limited according to his routine and tender age initially. A slow build up to a full day by which time any gap will be long since filled by you and other adults and life in general. Anyway your two always shared Twunt with his sons who whether or not egged on by their mother didn't warm to them.

Hope DD is better by evening.

waves Stay strong, I am having a particularly bad few days, I think reality of the new normal has hit hard! I am so thankful for my two healthy beautiful boys but oh my god, I just want to throw myself down on the floor and weep and never got up.

A combination of things have hit me particularly hard: seeing the lawyer on Monday, the astounding selfishness of OH (he went out with some of my friends' husbands and tried to justify leaving me and was clutching at straws and it hurts that he has thrown away our whole life together for so little and crap reasons), me having a bad afternoon with the boys yesterday no thanks to OH as he turned up late to collect them due to a dental appointment (FFS, he has 10 days out of every 14 days to have a fucking appointment, but no, he obviously has to schedule in his kids in AFTER the dentist) and having to replace the tires on the car.

Not going to do anything stupid but this is the lowest I have felt, I can fully understand why parents splitting up have been driven to do such awful things.

But I know you and I will get over it. It's okay to have bad days. Our lives will be different but it will be better! I went and bought a Euromillions ticket for tomorrow. I will make sure you are well looked after if I won £72 milion! You have my word! :)

Well done for blocking him - another big step with you taking control.

I hope the sickness bug goes soon, I'm sure it's the last thing you need at the moment.