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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DH said, DH left, waves is still being sick but into the third timester

994 replies

wavesandsmiles · 01/05/2013 11:50

I haven't been around here for a while, as I was worried that twunt was reading MN to find out what my thoughts/plans were. He may very well still be doing that, but he's gone now, and my new mission is to reach out for as much support as possible (trying to see it as a sign of strength to ask for help rather than a sign of failure), so here I am.

Back in January DH (hitherto referred to as twunt), told me I had to fix the marriage etc, then within days I found out he'd been texting OW to say our marriage was over, researching late abortions etc. This was when I was 14 weeks pregnant. I'm now 27 weeks pregnant, and still have hyperemesis, necessitating almost daily visits to hospital for IV meds and fluids. Twunt left just over a month ago, and I now have lodgers in, which is helping with the mortgage.

I'm trying to be strong for my DCs, but at times it all gets rather overwhelming....especially as it is not really that long to go until my little acrobat makes an appearance. Before then I am on a twunt detox, and am trying to have no contact with him whatsoever. My DCs are being very good (most of the time), despite having to cope with their step dad (who planned to adopt them) just disappearing, and me being so ill all the time. But it is obviously challenging for them.

Terrified of the summer when acrobat arrives and the inevitably of facing up to a form of contact with the utter shite who left me in this predicament - our baby was wanted, and planned for. Lots of other practicalities to consider too, and considering investing in a diary so that I can put things onto paper rather than leave things spinning around in my head....

Anyway, I'm back, and hoping that there will be some virtual hands to hold as I continue to battle the hyperemesis, hormones and general challenges of the final trimester, and the impact of the not so "D" H's departure.

OP posts:
DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 10/07/2013 12:04

Oops that should have said, well shot of L1 .

MissStrawberry · 10/07/2013 12:05

Could you pay him to go?

I am concerned the baby is going to come before he has left and will spoil your early days with the baby.

BerylStreep · 10/07/2013 12:08

Honestly, I would be throwing him out on his arse straight away.

Haranguing a pregnant woman whilst she is doubled over having contractions, in front of her young children, then slandering you to the rest of the household. WTAF? His behaviour is beyond the pale.

Who suggested giving him a warning? Tell him that he either reigns in his behaviour for the remainder of his time there, or he is kicked out with immediate effect. Think of you and your DC first - you cannot live in this hostile environment.

BerylStreep · 10/07/2013 12:10

Do you want the MN police to go round to yours and sort him out?

JaxTellerIsAllMine · 10/07/2013 12:17

arf @ beryl by MN police do you mean us? Grin

Im pretty sure it wouldnt take more than a few of us to put that little jumped up twat in his place!

wavesandsmiles · 10/07/2013 12:38

I would love the MN police to come round as I am so, so worried about my whole family's time being spoilt. I actually am very tempted to pay him to go.....

OP posts:
springytata · 10/07/2013 12:39

Evening all

I have never felt so compelled to get on that lovely Aurigny flight and let that little SHIT have it. Completely not my place though doesn't stop me wanting to do it

I do so wish you would chuck him out forthwith. I couldn't bear to have someone in my house who was causing as much trouble, and being as abusive, as this. Angry

springytata · 10/07/2013 12:41

Has he signed any contracts? You are perfectly in your place to get him out if not. Even if he has signed contracts, find a way. Get him out.

BerylStreep · 10/07/2013 12:45

If it was a boyfriend living in your house who had behaved that way - he would be out. Why should it be any different because he is a lodger.

Lovely lawn mowing lodger is clearly worried about you.

And I wouldn't pay a little shit like that - refund him his rent that he has paid and tell him to get the fuck out of your house. Disrespectful misogynistic little shit.

Angry
BerylStreep · 10/07/2013 12:46

Sorry, overuse of the the phrase 'little shit'.

MissStrawberry · 10/07/2013 12:48

It is your house. There must be a way to get him out immediately. Can anyone advise?

springytata · 10/07/2013 12:49

Perfectly apt, Beryl

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 10/07/2013 12:50

Do not pay him to go beyond any advance rent which I doubt he has paid. He is not a tenant so if you want him gone give your friendly local bobby a ring. Did he provide references, they presumably made no mention of bullying behaviour or a gf staying weeks on end.

JaxTellerIsAllMine · 10/07/2013 16:36

DO NOT PAY HIM A PENNY!

Sheesh, just NO! You need to find out exactly when he plans on leaving. His bullying behaviour is awful but its not something that WAVES cant deal with. She has and will sort this out. Grin

Although, Im happy to pop over and sort him out.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 10/07/2013 16:41

Oh I agree, waves is absolutely very competent and I was only thinking ahead if he gets awkward. I suspect having made his stupid point about his gf, and strutted about a bit, he has realised he has chucked away a nice niche and won't have the balls to apologise but will wish he'd kept his mouth shut.

Anyway wavesglad you spoke with lovely doula yesterday and hope you've got in some great music practice this afternoon.

wavesandsmiles · 10/07/2013 19:19

Ow ow ow. Seems like early evening heralds the start of cramps and BH every day now.

L1 is not in yet, but I've written him a letter confirming he's leaving 8 August, and that I am happy for him to move out earlier with the appropriate rent rebate. I have also written immediate effect house rules restricting his access to the kitchen amongst other things so at least I know when I can sort of relax in my own house.

Didn't manage any music, had family support worker, then nice lodger girl popped in for a chat, then my Homestart volunteer. Now in my room watching a film with the DCs and hoping that L1 doesn't kick off anymore.

Oh, my family support worker is going to be a go between re twunt and access to the baby. Big weight off my mind there too. Glad I asked her and got another thing ticked off my list.

Have also packed the DCs an overnight bag, so nearly sorted now for acrobats arrival. Hopefully he will come before or on his due date, not sure i can handle much more than 3 weeks of this, although if he comes later there will be less opportunity for L1 to ruin the early weeks.

OP posts:
wavesandsmiles · 10/07/2013 19:24

And he just text me saying he thinks that he, L2 and I would benefit from a chat this evening and am I available. I said no.

OP posts:
wavesandsmiles · 10/07/2013 19:35

Help.... He is still sending me shitty texts and now announces that his gf is getting the boat over on Friday. FFS. I told him Monday, non negotiable, no visitors. Who does he think he is? Can this amount of stress bring on labour because if so I'm having a baby tonight Sad

OP posts:
BerylStreep · 10/07/2013 19:44

His GF can book into a B&B. Given she stayed for a month the last time, gratis, and you are imminently having a baby, she is not welcome to stay. End of.

themidwife · 10/07/2013 19:45

Tell him that if he doesn't stop sending shirty texts & refusing to do as he's told you will call the police & report him for harassment & domestic abuse.

IAmNotAMindReader · 10/07/2013 19:45

Tell him if he doesn't drop it he can consider his tenancy terminated as soon as he he receives your text.

bunchamunchycrunchycarrots · 10/07/2013 19:50

You can refuse entry to your home to anyone so tell him you will phone the police if he brings her to your property when you have explicitly told him not to. I'd also tell him to consider his tenancy terminated, and he can collect his things and go elsewhere. Do not hesitate to phone the police and get him removed. You do not need this stress.

auntpetunia · 10/07/2013 19:52

Tell him that's it, time to book a hotel for the two of them! She's not welcome and he's had his chance time to leave. Cheeky bugger ?if she turns up tell her she isn't welcome in your home and why. Hope the BH settle down

wavesandsmiles · 10/07/2013 19:58

He is now insisting I pay for a hotel for him and his gf. He says he isn't harassing me but being perfectly polite and I just can't handle a mature conversation. And that cooking is taking longer than expected so he won't be out of the kitchen at 8 as I put in the rules.

He says she is arriving on Friday. Only Monday he asked me first if she could come and stay for a few days, I asked him to clarify, he said, oh maybe the weekend. Now all of a sudden she has a boat ticket booked for Friday. I am fed up and stuck in my room as he's in the flipping kitchen.

I really don't know what to do. I feel stupid calling the police, and he's all upper middle class posh boy charm spoken and what could they do anyway

OP posts:
DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 10/07/2013 20:01

waves very pregnant woman trumps all!!!!!!!!!!