DH said, DH left, waves is still being sick but into the third timester

[wavesandsmiles]

I haven't been around here for a while, as I was worried that twunt was reading MN to find out what my thoughts/plans were. He may very well still be doing that, but he's gone now, and my new mission is to reach out for as much support as possible (trying to see it as a sign of strength to ask for help rather than a sign of failure), so here I am.

Back in January DH (hitherto referred to as twunt), told me I had to fix the marriage etc, then within days I found out he'd been texting OW to say our marriage was over, researching late abortions etc. This was when I was 14 weeks pregnant. I'm now 27 weeks pregnant, and still have hyperemesis, necessitating almost daily visits to hospital for IV meds and fluids. Twunt left just over a month ago, and I now have lodgers in, which is helping with the mortgage.

I'm trying to be strong for my DCs, but at times it all gets rather overwhelming....especially as it is not really that long to go until my little acrobat makes an appearance. Before then I am on a twunt detox, and am trying to have no contact with him whatsoever. My DCs are being very good (most of the time), despite having to cope with their step dad (who planned to adopt them) just disappearing, and me being so ill all the time. But it is obviously challenging for them.

Terrified of the summer when acrobat arrives and the inevitably of facing up to a form of contact with the utter shite who left me in this predicament - our baby was wanted, and planned for. Lots of other practicalities to consider too, and considering investing in a diary so that I can put things onto paper rather than leave things spinning around in my head....

Anyway, I'm back, and hoping that there will be some virtual hands to hold as I continue to battle the hyperemesis, hormones and general challenges of the final trimester, and the impact of the not so "D" H's departure.

A MONTH? He expects to be allowed to have a second person staying rent free in your home for a MONTH, and when you have a newborn?!

Check out the law where you are, but as a rule lodgers have almost no legal rights and you can give them very little notice. They do not have a lease but a license and the landlord, when living in, reigns supreme.

Someone so staggeringly cheeky, entitled and aggressive needs to be gone from your home ASAP in my view. It's nice of you to be willing to discuss it but honestly what is there to discuss? He abused you because you weren't willing to be jaw-droppingly exploited.

On the upside, his replacement may be lovely! Most of our lodgers were. We had one nightmare, but others were a delight.

I've sung in York Minster several times - its a lovely building to sing in. I think that you would find that Leeds has changed rather a lot Waves.

Parley is fine - but don't let him beat you up about his gf - she's stayed for a month - that's already a lot more than a few weekends!

Did you have any written rules or conditions when they moved in? Like no overnight visitors for more than one night etc?

If so, take them with you to your 'chat' tonight. If not, part of the lodgers learning curve, I reckon, and maybe get something printed up ready for next time.

As others have said though, you don't have to listen, have a chat, be persuaded into anything etc. So feel free and justified in walking away at any time during the chat. It's your house, your rules. That's it.

I didn't have written rules, but I am getting that sorted ASAP.

I am a total mess today, floods of years about the lodger, about twunt, and about what a fuck up this all is. I genuinely wish I could just disappear forever. I have no idea what to do.

(((hug)))

Stop worrying about lodger 1 and find someone better. He's a real twat if he thinks his behaviour was acceptable.

Exactly - he's not a tenant or gentleman he's a lodger.

Very poor timing but the cause of the tiff was ludicrous. He isn't being victimised here. If he feels hard done by, good luck finding another lodging where an adult can stay long-term gratis. If he was also responsible for the ?chutney mess? he is now hoist by his own petard.

waves you don't have to do anything different. The lodger is just a blip, he will be gone soon and replaced by someone better. If the replacement is not better, then bin them too.

We have a holiday rental that we let out and when I got it up and running I copied and pasted T&Cs I thought were relevent from other sites (naughty). Saved a lot of time and meant that I felt I'd covered everything, being inexperienced in that stuff at the time. Maybe you can find some lodger rules on the internet to use?

I've just googled landlord forum and got a few free ones showing. Maybe they can advise or reassure you?

You will feel so much more in control when acrobat is here and you can physically recover from this awful pregnancy you've had. It's not surprising you are so low when you are physically depleted. Not long to go now.

I've had lodgers and foreign students staying, and I can attest to how upsetting it can be when things go wrong. It can somehow get right under your skin. Probably because it's your home, your sanctuary.

but FEAR NOT waves . I'd be tempted to throw him out so quick his arse doesn't touch the ground. The little shit (repeating myself, but apt). The little upstart. How DARE he treat you like that !!

He is just a little slug, my darling - have no fear. Get him out any which way. Don't talk to him - you've already wasted enough breath on him. Being nice to people really doesn't appeal to their better nature when there is no evidence of a better nature. Stop being so kind and good, or expecting people to be kind and good. He's more than proved he is incapable of these. NOT ONLY did he bawl you out - a heavily pregnant woman, a heavily pregnant ill woman, a heavily pregnant ill woman, with young children in the house - he went on to cause trouble with the other lodger, shouting and carrying on, keeping you awake. Get him OUT.

I've texted him saying I am happy to refund this months rent if he wants to go immediately, but otherwise ill accept the one month, but absolutely no visitors, non negotiable, and I'd appreciate a bit of respect for me, my children and my home in the remaining weeks.

Then I had good news, email from MNHQ saying I've been selected for a school uniform product test so I have £100 of vouchers to spend. I've never won anything before like this. Tesco don't deliver here though, so waiting to hear if my sister will let me use her address then post them on. Not sure if she will, so racking my brains. Super good news though, and for the first time ever I think my DCs will be in brand new clothes for school!

Just stopped sobbing, I think twunt is a main cause, and this damn lodger has tipped me over the edge. I'm half tempted to move into the garden shed til he has moved out. I really wish I could stop crying for a decent amount of time, but so far today it has all been crying coupled with frequent vomiting and more and more uncomfortable Braxton hicks. What I would give to be where I thought I'd be this time last year.... In our forever house, in my husbands arms, looking forward to the birth of our first child together.

If you cant use the vouchers, sell them, someone will buy them.

How brilliant to win the vouchers. If you need a mainland address you can use mine.

The text sounds good. Remember it is your home, your terms. His loss, not yours.

You are really going through it at the moment Waves, BH, lodgers, twunt, pickle, mother....

Great news about the vouchers tho - I have a huge tescos near here, so if you want, PM me a shopping list, i can do the shopping for you! Or do it online and get it delivered here, I can forward it on Again, PM me if you want my adress. It would be a pleasure.

check your inbox, Waves

Same here Waves!!

and me too. You are welcome to use my address, not a problem at all.

Now - L1 needs to go, that is established, what you need to know is when he will be gone. ASAP would be best all round given that he is a little shit and taking full advantage of your being heavily pregnant, ill and a nice person.

Twunt - will always be the same, arrogant, selfish and no good to you in any way, shape or form.

Get all your tears out today and tomorrow is another fresh, new day.

Thanks for all the address help offers - all sorted now (thanks captain) Really looking forward to the look on my DCs faces when they get brand new stuff I even managed to get a couple of bits for acrobat and a couple of dresses that will be easy for me to feed in.

Hoping to have a departure date for L1 soon, but it will be no later than 8 August thankfully.

Since about 5.30 I have been overcome with really strong BH and cramps, but after I finally managed to run a bath, things have eased so I am hoping to get some sleep now. Poor DD and DS were quite upset seeing me rocking about on the bed, and lent their hands to rub my back. DD brought me a couple of soft toys too.

My nice lawnmowing lodgers are still here, but they are pretty much self contained and just pop in to use the washing machine. Absolutely perfect - always willing to help, super quiet, and I'd hardly know they were there.

Oh, I am "full term" now - still 3 weeks from the official EDD (although that was pushed back a couple of days at my dating scan), but I guess acrobat could arrive anytime from now onwards. Although hopefully after the weekend so I can get 2 gigs under my belt.

I'm off to bed - try to make a fresh start with less tears and less stress tomorrow. I will be practising the natal hypnotherapy exercises to breathe all the tension and anxiety out.

morning waves. Did you have a meeting with l1 and l2 last night? I dont think there is much to say to him really...

hope you slept well.

Hello waves and all your supporters
Hope you spent a restful night, how are you this morning? Please don't retire to the shed, don't let yourself feel unwelcome in your own nest - that cuckoo will soon be gone.

Hope you got some rest overnight waves and that you have a better day today.

I had a good sleep once I finally nodded off. There was no parley with the lodgers as when they wanted to chat I was in full crampy pain mode and they went out within an hour after getting in for drinks and didn't get in til after 12. Must confess that I didn't shush the DCs at all this morning, trying to remember that this is my house, my and my DCs home, and we don't need to skulk around in silence.

I have 2 appointments this morning, then will do music practise this afternoon. Going to discuss all that has happened with twunt and with L1, hopeful that getting it off my chest will help reduce the tension and anxiety.

Thanks for your ongoing support

talking to people in rl will indeed get it off your chest. good for you not shushing the DC.

now, relax a little bit, enjoy your music.

I'd set up a drum kit iiwy. Outside little shit's room. Poison his food

(what is the 'wanting to talk' thing anyway? There's nothing to say. he's a little SHIT and that's that. why was/is L2 in on the 'talk'??)

L2 has been dragged into it by L1 and as he works with L1 he has a vested interest in maintaining the status quo. L1 is clearly a little shit who I really regret ever accepting into my family home. Had a good chat with my support worker and then nice lodger from the self contained unit came round for a drink of squash and a chat. She is horrified at how he is carrying on, and had a few more things to tell me about him and what he has been saying about me behind my back.

I am trying to breathe in the warm golden light and breathe out the worries and tension. I am not going to have a talk of any kind with L1 unless, at a minimum, he sincerely apologises for ranting on at me. May the next month pass me by very quickly! I'm so cross that it has upset me though, I should be excited and happy about acrobat's imminent arrival. Not stressing about what L1 may or may not do or say next

((Waves)) Hope L1 realises what an arse he's been & is out of your house before next month.

Hope the appointments go well & music practise is relaxing, does Acrobat respond when you play?

Hurrah for the Tesco vouchers, hope your goods arrive sharpish and DC's don't have a growth spurt before Sept term starts!

Obviously you'd rather life were plain sailing, but in a mad way any fuming about L1 takes your mind off any other troublesome folk. Let L2 make his peace keeping efforts all he wants, you will be well shot of L2. The other lodger sounds much better.

Happy thoughts, happy thoughts.