This doesn't look good does it?

[Loserville]

My dh left for work at 5pm, 10 mins later I get a text from him 'Hi sexy, get your boobs out'. I just replied with a ? And had no reply.

He never sends text like that to me thank god so I'm thinking it was meant for someone else. Why send me a text like that after just leaving the house 10 minutes before.

It looks suspicious doesn't it? Or else it's a pathetic attempt at spicing things up

Morning LV, hope you managed to sleep. Think your sil is getting some boundaries blurred here, glad you put her straight.

Morning OP, hope you're ok this morning.

You've done and are doing so well. I agree with others not to let him get away with turning up randomly again, it unsettles everyone and you don't need to be permanently on your guard.

As for the ' so I'm the bad guy then', absolutely speechless. How does he not get that?!?

Take care, you're doing brilliantly.

Sorry he is even more of a loser than I thought he was.

Take things easy today.

Hi OP. Just read your thread and feel compelled to say I'm so sorry that this situation has happened to you as you seem a lovely, intelligent, strong person & fabulous mum.

Your soon to be XP's behaviour has been ridiculously pathetic, in his original actions but (almost more so) in his unbelievably selfish & childish attitude and apparent inability to face up to his mistakes/shortcomings. This is no reflection on you, just down to him being a twat who doesn't deserve you!

You have been amazing throughout this ordeal. I don't have anything helpful to add really, but I'm glad that there has been some amazing advice offered by others throughout this thread.

I just wanted to offer my support to you. Stay strong. You are Awesomeville.

xxx

Morning LV. Hope you managed some sleep.

You shouldn't be kicking yourself about what you said to Mr Loser, it was all spot on. He can't handle the truth, he can't handle the fact that you aren't fighting to get him back, and he is unwilling to take responsibility for the fact that he screwed up everybody's life by having sex with OW.

Of course you are devastated to lose the husband you thought he was. But this sorry specimen is no partner or father . He is a petulant spiteful brat ( what's with the 'you look terrible ' line FFS ?!) , and he's sulking because you are not doing what he wanted.

You are inspirational, and he is too stupid to deserve you.

Just read the full thread, what a twat he is! You are handling this so well, your daughters are lucky to have you.

I'm with Cabbage - if I was ever in your position I'd prefer to be like you - self-esteem in tact, strong and with dignity. I hope to God I wouldn't want him back and fall over myself trying to do so.

I think you're doing great, especially since it's only been a few days. Well done for shutting your sil down - if she had an ounce of sense she would have realised how that text would make you feel. Enjoy being with your dds today.

Just read this, how awful for you, H sounds like a total dick, least you have your girls.

Puzzles me why so many men risk the wonderful family they have for a fling !! he is the loser not you x

cabbage just wanted to say - I am also on other relationship threads and the difference between LV and most of the other women is that LV has self esteem, hasnt been ground down by EA or other crap, she is also a strong, independent person in her own right. She has her job, friends, and a good feeling of self worth. Sadly for others, that isnt the case and being afraid of the future without their H or money worries keep them wanting to fight for a horrid marriage.

LV - again, I will say, you are a fabulous role model for your DC. Hope you slept well, today is a new day.

I just wanted to add to what others here have said. The fact that your children have been so wonderful is a testament to your parenting, and your strength now is extraordinary. If you can, do pick something up that you think might help you sleep, as you'll need the reserves. If Nytol has worked in the past, then that, and I can also recommend Rescue Remedy Sleep (and in fact Rescue Remedy for during the day if you start feeling panicky through sleep deprivation). If the sleep doesn't start returning in the next few weeks, see your doctor. There's only so far you can go on no sleep.

It is a very sad thing that has happened to you and to them. It's OK for all of you to grieve for the relationship that was. Don't put pressure on yourself to feel better sooner than you are able. Just steadily do what must be done practically, and respect the feelings of sadness and let them happen. As long as you don't squash them, the feelings will slowly resolve.

Finally, I wanted to comment on two things he's said; 'You're ending this' and 'it doesn't have to be this way...'

It sounds to me like he's trying to blame you, while claiming the decision for himself so that he has the power. As if he'd condescend to take you back and even to behave slightly better if you just say the word. I wonder if it might be helpful for you to claim that decision in your own mind. 'Yes, I am ending this, because I'm a brilliant person who deserves respect from the person I'm with. This is not an arbitrary decision; it's is an extremely important example for my daughters about how they should be treated, and how they should treat others, through their lives. I claim that.'

It is not your fault; the affair was his. It is your decision; you deserve far better than he has given you.

Morning, thank you all.

I'm ok, managed a good amount of sleep, the hammering and bouncing on the tramp must have tired me out. I feel so much better for it. Nothing planned for today, bacon butties on the go and some housework. The girls have the Aquabeds and Moonsand out. I predict lots of standing on beads and sand galore!

I haven't heard from him or sil, my phone is off for the day.

I also would just like to add I have a huge amount of respect for women who in my position stay in the relationship. I don't think they are stupid or just settling. They are a damn sight stronger than me. Sometimes it can work, it can make a relationship stronger. I just know for me it's not an option. For those who feel that they don't have an option I hope one day they realise their self worth and can be happy. I don't mean that in a high and mighty way, I admire them.

No tramps were bounced on, should read trampoline!

Stay strong op, you are doing so well.

Another lurker here who wants to add to the voices telling you how amazingly you are handling this and what a total knob-head your 'D'H sounds like.
Have no experience of what you are going through, so no expertise or advice, but it did occur to me that maybe when this thread is finished it may be a good idea to print it out? Future reference as to what actually happened, messages of support to buoy you up, etc. Maybe you'll never have cause to look at it again, but if you print it out it will be there for you, just incase.
Lots of Love x.

at tramp bouncing.

have a good day.

Morning op. At this rate you will need to start a new thread soon, this one will fill up in 3 pages!! Look how far you've come since that awful first day. You have held your head up high, looked after a poorly 5 year old all on your own, taken really good care of yourself and your children and started to make plans for a happy future together.

What has he done? Floated around between his Sil who will be getting mightily sick of him, the ow (possibly but we all know he doesn't really want to be there) and the pub, which just means he's waking up with a dull headache and mouth like the bottom of a birdcage.

You are facing a bright sunny day (hopefully where you are) with your wonderful, loving girls, in your own house, with your friends about to return and all of us 'invisible supporters' to chat with and while away the hours.

He has nothing. He is no further on than when he saw that '?' from you and thought 'Oh shit. She knows'. Since then everything he has done has been either attempting to get you back or filling time until you 'get over it'.

I agree with LookingThroughTheFog

Also, pretty much anything he says could be answered with 'You cheated on me' (angry look straight into his eyes).

You look terrible - You cheated on me.
So I'm the bad guy then - You cheated on me.
You're ending this - You cheated on me.
It doesn't have to be this way - You cheated on me.

It's called the broken record approach and means that you won't get drawn into a discussion. It also makes him realise that this is all his own doing. It might make him more open and willing to apologise properly and talk about how sorry he is. But don't hold your breath.

He must have told his workmate the woman's name (or more likely the workmate had seen them together) and he told his wife once he knew you had found out. Don't be surprised to find out it's been going on much longer than he said, or that there have been others.

His total lack of empathy is staggering. Has he always been like this or is it just that he's showing his true colours do you think?

LV please start a new thread - but with a new name. This one will be full soon.

arf @ tramp bouncing.

and she's fixed a fence! don't forget that because it's no small feat

Yeah and you fixed the fence! You rock!

Another de-lurking to say what an inspiration you are LV, if I can raise my own DDs to display the courage, spirit and grace that you have shown, it will be a proud day for us all!

Perhaps tramp bouncing could be a new national sport?

Tramp Bouncing! could be a great title for your next thread?

Disclaimer: no tramps were harmed in the making of this thread.

Can't believe this thread is coming to an end. Everytime I open the thread and see the op I wrote it feels weird. A lot has happened since then.

Yes OP, but that phrase 'hi sexy get your boobs out' is just as naff as sad as it was at the beginning. :)