This doesn't look good does it?

[Loserville]

My dh left for work at 5pm, 10 mins later I get a text from him 'Hi sexy, get your boobs out'. I just replied with a ? And had no reply.

He never sends text like that to me thank god so I'm thinking it was meant for someone else. Why send me a text like that after just leaving the house 10 minutes before.

It looks suspicious doesn't it? Or else it's a pathetic attempt at spicing things up

She should not be ringing you about that. Not at all.
Her boundaries are blurred atm. Perhaps not even conciously...but they are blurred.

Poor you OP. Been through the wrangler eh?

OP. remember what I said a page or two back about analysing your day for good things. You will find contact with him always upsets. Avoid as much as possible. Go back to the intact pelvic floor on that trampoline. :)

Oh yes I wanted to say that, I only had to Dcs and don't think I'd risk a trampoline, I think you are heading for saintmum hood!!

LV I think your responses to him were very measured, considering what you could have said... Being Scottish and all.

Please dont beat yourself up over this afternoon/evening, you were caught off guard and tried to do the best for your DC. He used that to his advantage - he got what he wanted, he saw his DC, made you feel shit, got fed and then fucked off out!

He is one cheeky fucker that is for sure.

Fairenuff, she lives about 8 miles away. My friend used to work beside her for years. They aren't particularly close friends. I was in her company once a few months ago at a party. And at I cannot be worth it!

I must have a pelvic floor of steel!

Jax, yes there were a few choice phrases running through my I head I can tell you.

LV try and get a good night's sleep tonight. Bless you xx

But how did you know who it was? Did he give you a name, or had someone seen them together? Not that it matters, I'm just trying to get an overall picture here.

I hope you get a bit more sleep tonight. I can second the advice for nytol or some such over the counter remedy. And the others are right, it's just seeing him again today that has knocked you for six. If it's any comfort, he will be reeling too. The difference is that you've got us!! Hoorah x

I'm not surprised you feel rubbish, you've been working so hard to make sense of things and start the long slow process of emotionally disentangling from him and then he turns up at your door. What an arsehole. Him being in your home with the Dds is of course going to trigger off all those memories and associations of how you thought things were, and just wish to turn back time. On some level he knows that and he's happy for you to suffer with that, cos you've inconvenienced him and he wants to punish you for being able to get on without him. He's a horrible horrible arsehole.

Anyway, you are lovely and very clever - I'm sure that's a trick he's only going to be able to pull off once. Your home is not going to be available to him now, and I'd totally refuse to see him without prior arrangement, and for limited time only. You need to be able to psyche yourself up for contact and protect yourself emotionally. God he's being horrible.

This bit is really painful. Sorry it's so miserable. It does get better. You are doing amazingly, and there's a whole bunch of us invisible supporters sending love and support out to you.

The friend of mine sent me a message on FB. Her husband is good friends with H. She said she had heard from her H that I found out he had been cheating. She told me then who it was. She said she had no idea and neither did her H.

Hope that makes sense.

Should have bought some Nytol today...or wine.

Thanks pannacotta. All the messages are overwhelming actually.

Oh no. Are you going to tell us who it was (obvs don't give out names and addresses or you know what will happen)?

Oh OK, just looked upthread.

Read through all your posts and think you're fantastic, as are your dds who obviously take after you.

Your 'd'h cunt on the other hand is unreal. He's so fucking entitled isn't he? Is he the only son or youngest child? Just can't believe how spoilt rotten he is. Thinking he can turn up out of the blue. That's fucking with your dds minds.

I think I'd have broken his nose tbh. Knocked him out on the step. Not that it'd help. Especially with dds being present. But I'd have found it hard to be so controlled. Well done to you.

God I'm so sorry about all this for you. I know we're all strangers on the internet but I can really feel how you must be feeling. You express yourself so well.

Keep yourself strong and tell him to fuck right off.

Been lurking & following thread since early on but didn't feel I had anything to contribute. I would just like to say, if the same ever happened to me, I would be proud if I managed to act with half as much dignity, strength & sense of fairness as you have. You are an inspiration & you have clearly done a brilliant job of raising your girls.

Mr Loser on the other hand, is clearly a weak-willed, selfish, thoughtless idiot who obviously failed to recognise how good he had things with you.

I hope you get through this ok & soon come to realise & feel that you are all better off without him. I'm sure he will get what he deserves as well. I bet however much the SIL seems to be taking his side now, it's because of family loyalty, the lies he's told her, & emotional blackmail. I imagine whatever she is saying to you, she is probably furious with him for acting as he has, landing on her doorstep & putting her in the position of doing his dirty work because he's not man enough to do it himself.

Thoughts are with you and your girls, stay strong.

I meant to add, I hope she's giving him hell.

Um juniper I am a youngest child currently raising an only child, my son so are we both awful then???

I don't think I am like the d'h' and am doing (imo) a damn fine job of teaching my Ds to value everyone as individuals and treat them accordingly.

No need for that kind of sweeping generalisation, thanks.

Back to supporting the OP now, folks.

I wonder if he's had a single thought in his head since forever that wasn't totally about him? Mr Tigga is not a violent man but he says he'd run him over if he saw him on the street.

You'reWelcomeTiggaxx

morning LV. the only thing you did 'wrong' was to find out. if you hadn't caught him things would be rolling along as usual.

the other horrible thought is if you never suspected anything, if he wasn't acting differently, showing guilt or being strange etc and even now doesn't really seem shocked by his own behaviour then this could have been something he's done before. casually shagging on the side could be 'normal' to him and his mates maybe.

you really have done nothing wrong - this is about him. he doesn't even seem guilty or ashamed does he? very, very much about him and his morals and standards and nothing to do with you.

i hope you got some sleep in the end. i'd say yes to picking up some nitol tomorrow. sometimes knocking yourself out for a couple of night's in a row resets your body and gets sleep back into habit iyswim.

am stunned at sil texting you - i'd have been replying 'do you actually WANT me to be wondering where my cheating husband is when he hasn't returned from the pub??'. she's bought into the poor lamb act so deeply that she doesn't get he's probably off shagging or getting pissed with mates after hours and that that is not going to be something his wife needs to be thinking about when at home picking up the pieces?? bizarre.

OP I hope you've had a decent nights sleep. I second the idea of over the counter sleep stuff. Sleep deprivation will weaken you and you need to stay strong.

I am in awe of your dignity and humility. Keep going. Keep going. You sound like an amazing Mum and your girls clearly adore you.

Sending you strength and love.
Peace of mind will come in time, I'm sure of that.

You can add my name to your huge group of unseen supporters - we are all totally behind you.

And for the record, as introverted -and not very sociable- as I am, if I were in your area, I'd help. Even something like delivering you a much needed bottle of wine at late o'clock.

Strike out fail .

Another day OP. One day at a time. You're doing well.

Invisible supporter here sending love x

I've been on a couple of other threads this morning and can't post. It's women horrendously distressed because of their husbands cheating, drinking, ignoring family, demanding behaviour. All the women are exhausted running after the family and trying to 'win back' their man. Meanwhile man rubs his hands with glee, becomes more demanding whilst off to the pub and flirting with anyone he feels free to. Wifey sits at home crying. The reason I can't post is they are all still talking about how they must win him back.... You want to scream. It's like watching a car crash and you feel desperate to try and stop it.

This thread is different. Yes it's desperately sad still. A break up always is, but you will come out of this with your esteem intact and having not wasted time trying to win him back whilst he plays a game.

It's so much healthier to read the response of a woman who values herself and draws a line. Good boundaries.

This time will pass. You are facing up to it all now so it is horrible. It will pass and you will be in control of your life. I know you can't imagine it now but one day you may want a partner, an equal partner, a loving partner and it will be your choice. I can't imagine your exs face... My ex had a breakdown when I did, because I think 'the script' is that he can opt out of family life because frankly its all a bit boring, hard work and hum drum.... Sex as a single man is so much better..... The wife stays with family and keeps home. He can then pop in when he fancies and play the family thing but leave when it gets boring. If he's lucky he can flirt with the ex and you never know... Maybe get some there as well.

I think there are animal kingdoms that do this? The female is kept minding family and providing food. Is it lions? The female does all the work and then the male swoops in and enjoys the results before strolling off to do their own thing.

Um...ToomuchWaternotWine this thread is not about you ! Think you are actually demonstrating some of that selfcentred behaviour by using the thread to tell someone off for a perceived insult to you and your son, who are nothing to do with what is going on here!

Just grow up.

Anyway. It's a sunny day OP so what are the plans?