Regale me with hilarious/ridiculous things that a narcissist or enabler has said to you....

[Herrena]

I'll go first.

My DF acts as enabler for my narcissist M, although I doubt he's fully aware of this. We were discussing her and my god-awful childhood yesterday over skype when he dropped in this little gem:

'Well, you were so quiet. You didn't really defend yourself properly.'

What the actual fuck?!

I didn't really process the remark at the time but now I'm bloody fuming.

Go on, tell me yours. Let's laugh at the bastards and then maybe I won't spend the next week dwelling on my wrath

I never realised there was a name that explained my DF.. or not so dear.
My earliest memory is of being tormented by him (teased til I cried) aged 3. He never used my name..called me 'the worm'

As I got older he mostly ignored me unless I was around when he came home from the pub, when he was very nasty indeed...made every opportunity to humiliate me in front of friends. He also hit me and Mum (once blacked her eye because one of his work colleagues had popped round and Mum and colleague were discussing classical music.. he felt ignored) He told me I'd fail my A levels, (I didn't..top grades) I'd fail University (got a better degree than his) and warned my DH not to marry me as I was pointless. My Mum finally got the courage to leave him when I was 17 after one of his many affairs.

I stuck it out.. right into my early 40s. But by then MY kids were teens and had noticed that Grandad..who we saw rarely, always belittled me. THEN he started on DD1 who had just done GCSEs and knew she wanted to be a doctor.

He told her her A level subjects were wrong (they weren't) that she'd never get to Med school as she went to a crap school and she wasn't clever enough.

I finally saw red. Finally got the courage to tell him that if he EVER spoke to her like that again he would never see any of his grandchildren again. He did the sob story to my brother.. (golden child, but lovely) who told him he needed to apologise. When he rang to say ' why are you so mean to me' I gave him 44 years worth of how he made me feel and how he was never going to do it again.

It was so cathartic. AND with the aid of his 3rd and final wonderful wife, he did reel it in a LOT. Never spoke to my kids again that way and his wife came down on him like a ton of bricks every time he even tried to put me down.

Sadly she died 3 years ago.,,and he became very ill just after. Somehow I found myself driving 120 miles to his home every weekend to take care of him. And somehow..as adults.. we finally had a relationship. He'd still start after a few drinks (he was a functional alcoholic always) but I'd just tell him to shut up and put him to bed

He died very suddenly, but the last thing he said to me the weekend before was 'I love you' and despite everything.... I think he did. And that helped somehow to repair the very deep seated damage in me. I will never feel 'good enough' but I feel stronger.

Oh and DD1 is now a doctor ... he died before she qualified this summer but he was very proud of her!

Christ that was long, sorry! But I have never said how he made me feel.. how bad my childhood was... and I now know that he was a deeply damaged man himself. This is an amazing thread.. terrible but also uplifting because we are all survivors one way or another...

Medusa what a remarkable story.

You may have had a crap dad but you managed to be a wonderful mother and eventually a wonderful daughter.

Very touched by your story Medusa.

at what some people have had to endure! I have cried at this thread for everyone. Neither of my dps ( now passed on) were like this, but I have recognised a few familiar exes in here.

My mother is a real treat! She used to flirt with and turn my boyfriends against me - lots of "why are you with Grand, she isn't a very nice person". I was molested when I was in my early teens and when I tried to talk to her she said "don't be ridiculous darling, who would want to get that close to you".
When I moved in with DS's father she was thrilled - he was everything she wanted in a man and he was a narcissist too so they loved joining forces in their little mind games! I collapsed one day and ended up spending a week in hospital, having rather serious surgery that they though might prevent me from conceiving. M visited on day 4 of my stay and danced into my room laughing and singing about how much weight she had lost and how fabulous she looked. She told me I looked dreadful and then promptly left to go partying with my fiancée for the rest of my stay in hospital.
By some miracle I fell pregnant with DS within a year of my op, so I called with the amazing news. Her exact words were "how could you do this to me?" And then she put the phone down!
There are so many little and large things that have happened over the years - but if ever I question her she accuses me of having a "very vivid imagination"

X"D"P slamming ten year-old photos of my family members whom he automatically hated just because we are close:

"Your DM / DSis / DB-in-law looks old now"
No amount of explaining the natural ageing process would get it through his head, or make him admit that he wasn't above ageing.

He also once declared in all sincerity "I am a God".

He was in fact a despicable entitled arsewipe manipulative narc of the highest order.

The god complex made him think he was above tax law too the tax man soon caught up with him

Lots more where those came from.
Thanks for this thread, it's good to vent!

Me to my brother ( said very calmly ) " you know I think you should be a bit careful about doing that, it might actually be illegal"
Cue 10 minute rant about how he never liked me, nobody likes me and never will ( I actually have a lovely family and lots of friends). Thankfully it ended with
" get out of my house and never contact me or my family again, my solicitor will be in contact with you "
Haven't seen him for 3 years - it's lovely!!!

Also, I won a prize at school when I was 12 but when I went up on stage to get it ( major event in local theatre with all parents,pupils, staff, local dignitaries etc) I tripped and fell. I was horribly embarrassed. My Father was furious and asked me how I could have done something to show them up so badly.

After leaving him, he said I abandoned him. Then he accused me of not being there for him ( post separation ) when he found out about his ADD and anger issues. He said that I was selfish for only thinking of myself. Mind, this is after year's of emotional abuse of my children and me, spending all my money and running up debts, ... this list goes on and on.

I'm still a bit gobsmacked at my DH response on accidentally discovering his emotional quite long term fling from years ago asking me a couple of days later to stop bringing it up as it was giving him a stomache ulcer.

May I join in? I have some good ones.

Christmas Day - After the birth of my son (34h labour, IC for him) we come home on Christmas Day, very happy, still woozzy, me trying to get him to breastfeed and to cook Christmas lunch.
My parents had arrived the day before for the birth and for Christmas. By early afternoon I still hadn't managed to produce a decent Christmas lunch; my DM loses it, informs me that she hadn't come all this way to do everything for me and that basically everything about me is unacceptable and that she is not putting up with it anymore!
Cue packing of bags and mother and father getting in their car and driving back to their home 900 miles away, on the day their grandson comes home! on Christmas Day!
Lovely FIL totally and

Oh muck how shit ! Well fuck them, you enjoy your wee baby and have a wonderful year ahead

Abusive mother after I finally escaped from abusive DP - ‘You need to think now about why this happened to you. It wouldn’t have happened to either of your sisters’. One of a long list of things she said to me over the years!

to everyone posting here. People can just be fucking awful.

Thank you CoolCarrie

Driving home from the hospice where my darling bil had days left, I had a phone call from ds2 to say ds1 had an accident, that there was blood running from his head and that an ambulance was en route.

I get on the hands free to ask my dad or mum to get over to mine to look after ds2 when I head to a&e in the ambulance, and I get ‘can’t come’ & cold silence. Mum says ‘it’s my birthday and you didn’t remember.’ Well had phoned the day before and sent a card, with a pressie to follow when I was able to get over. Had a lot on, mum. Dh was living at the hospice at the time. It burned.

Your behaviour isn’t good enough for us to get married

I don’t know why you don’t understand that I’ll do anything for you as long as you give me sex whenever I need it

I don’t know why you wear makeup to go to the supermarket, do you want me to think you’re having an affair? Mind you all you’d get is an average fat bloke

You’ll never do better than me

I’m a Provider

I can only apologise. (Never I’m sorry)

You need to sort yourself out down there, I won’t be able to locate it soon ( my bikini line whilst I was 37 weeks pregnant with our second baby) * (ex wife) always made an effort so should you

I have to stop now before i puke in my mouth

Mother on being asked why she let the bloke she shacked up with beat us till we were bruised and bleeding - because you need discipline. No he was a psycopathic paedophile who enjoyed hurting us mentally and physically.

Wow. I'm so sorry for everyone on this thread. Haven't managed to RTFT yet. My therapist has been telling me for years that DM is a typical narcissist, and I've always denied it, but she has said sooo many of these kinds of things written here.

DP refusing to ask for the day off work to attend / support me at my DMs funeral as " we only get time off for close family" we had been together 17 years two DC I went on my own. Fucking Narc

Stbxh - 'I supported you when you said you were ill, were you actually ill or just lazy'........I was under the care of a consultant psychiatrist for serious pnd

Also stbxh 'You didn't ask me to come' when I asked him if his black suit fitted on the morning of my mother funeral. He was serious, he was planning on just going to work as normal

My father when my marriage broke up.....no decent man will want you now you’ve got him, him being my Down syndrome DS.

My mother upon hearing I gave birth to said Down syndrome son.....nothing, she didn’t talk to me for 2 weeks because she was so upset I had given birth to what she considered a less than perfect baby, she was also too embarrassed to tell the rest of the family.

Until I was in my mid 30’s I was reminded that they had scrimped and saved and gone without to send me, their one and only precious daughter to private school only to get pregnant at 19 and shame them.

My DD fell off her horse the day before yesterday, broke her ankle in 3 places, had an op yesterday, 3 screws and a plate put in. Upon hearing this my mother said at least it wasn’t her back, you would have had 2 of them to care for then.

My father blackmailing me to end my marriage by saying it’s him or us (parents)

A couple of years ago my DS behaviour was horrendous, off the scale horrendous, I was crying and said to my mother that I couldn’t cope, her reply was to ring social services and have him put in care.

Upon finding out I was miscarrying last month my mother put her head in her hands and asked me why I have to cause them so much heartache and worry.

I could carry on and on
I have referred myself for talking therapy.

"It's not all about you, you know" - DM, to me, when I was 10 days overdue with DC1 and explaining that I wasn't going to provide her with constant updates as to whether I was in labour or not. That actually, I just wanted to be left alone and have some peace and quiet before the birth. Totally unreasonable apparently, threw a MASSIVE strop that helped the scales fall from my eyes.

"You never tell me anything, you always have to keep me at arms length. Why can't you be more like (enmeshed younger sibling or cousin)" - DM again, on realising I've been grey rocking her for years. Tell her the bare minimum, never confide, never feed the narc supply.

"I always feel like I'm walking on eggshells around you" - DM again, to me, after I'd put up some boundaries. She knows if she pulls more of the same shit then ill pull back some more. Finally.

DM, when she agreed to look after DC1 when I was delivering DC2.

Hi DM, just to let you know I'm having contractions (around 8pm) so may be I touch shortly to get you over to look after DC1.

DM, oh please not tonight, I'm tired.......

Ffs

My exbf and father of my dcs when caught out on trying to shag one of his work colleagues: "but you never want to have sex anymore. We haven't had sex since you had dc2". Poor bloke...

Two from an ex partner:

'If it wasn't for the fact we talk on the phone every day, I'd probably forget you existed.' (We were in a long distance relationship at the time, and had been together for 3 years).

'Just promise me you won't go crazy like your nan.' (I'd just opened up to him about the MH problems in my family and the fact that my grandmother was struggling with depression).