Regale me with hilarious/ridiculous things that a narcissist or enabler has said to you....

[Herrena]

I'll go first.

My DF acts as enabler for my narcissist M, although I doubt he's fully aware of this. We were discussing her and my god-awful childhood yesterday over skype when he dropped in this little gem:

'Well, you were so quiet. You didn't really defend yourself properly.'

What the actual fuck?!

I didn't really process the remark at the time but now I'm bloody fuming.

Go on, tell me yours. Let's laugh at the bastards and then maybe I won't spend the next week dwelling on my wrath

Yep.

I used to make excuses for her, like oh she was really stressed, it must have been very hard looking after all of us (my Dad was as much use as a chocolate teapot) but now I'm a mother myself I think how could you?

MsInga I take it that was your Dad? He sounds bloody awful. Making a fuss about nothing!

Where do these people come from? Horrible fuckers.

It is. No contact for 4 years now. Sadly it also means no contact with my mum as she feels it would be disloyal.

Sorry to hear that, it must be hard, not seeing your mum.

It is a bit, but lucky me, my sister's wedding is next week so I'll get to see them both

Well they will all end up old and alone with noone left to hurt. If there's any justice they will.

MsInga-
'well you'll never be pretty '...rings a bell. To this day, I cannot accept a compliment about my looks. I think people are pitying me, so I end up talking myself down

flippin (waves), just horrible, glad your mum got better. And as for calling her gdaughter a 'bitch'. .. I remember my dsis's and I been called that. I thought it was normal. I told a colleague once about it as part of a conversation. She asked if that was normal practice in our family and I said 'yes'. Didn't think anything of it. That colleague gave me the biggest bear hug I've ever had, then looked me in the eye and told me to 'look after yourself'.

I could go on...though I dare say everybody else on this thread could too.

Every post has a fragment of my mum in them

MrsDeVere -just what possesses them!!

MsInga-about the maths test. Nothing is ever good enough, it is? So hard to please..

Just did a massive post and lost it. Grrrr!

MrsDeVere and for you.

My dsil told me I was abused as mc families are less affectionate - not like working class families. I don't know how I stopped myself retorting about incest 'keeping it in the family' and being more common in working families. Think it was knowing that my late and much-loved mil was abused by her brother. I was the first person she told. Sadly telling me gave her the courage to tell her bitch of a daughter (sil) who insists that her mother wasn't abused as it doesn't fit her image of things (nor her bigotry). My sil is rather like my dm.

My gm, dm's dm died the year before I was born - she was a complete bitch, too. She was known where she lived as the 'duchess' and it wasn't a compliment. She didn't let my gf sleep in her bed - except for 3 times in 40+ years. Marriage was definitely 'for the procreation of children'. You've got to laugh - my gp got his diploma as a pharmacist in 1906, so no risk of accidental pregnancies, anyway Dm was 1 of 3. 2 years after 'd'gm died, we moved house and for his last 2 years my gf had a comfy bed - came from my df's house.

I also remember "stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about". Actually banging my brother & my heads together. Actually washing my mouth out with soap aged 3/4 for repeating "bloody" that I had heard her say. When I passed all 8 O Levels but only got 1 A, "well we thought you'd get more As than that!", at my wedding "for God's make sure you have some time together before you have kids & ruin your lives!" Etc etc etc. It is laughable & pathetic! I do now look back on these things with a kind of black humour!

Yikes they really are scary aren't they? This is exactly why my DF will NEVER have access to my DC. If he attempted to damage them even 0.0001% of what he did me I would really really kill him.

I had the 'stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about' too. I was constantly ridiculed for crying as a child, called a cry baby, you crying again etc.

M also makes a lot of comments about my physical appearance, which is ongoing but I'm going to put a stop too after this thread.

I remember walking into the a room full of people as a teenager and M saying at the top of her voice 'go and put some make-up on seriously, you're not a natural beauty'. I felt do humiliated.

She sat me down when I was around 21 and told me she was saving for a new kitchen but would lend me the money instead so I could get plastic surgery. She went on and on about how much happier I would be if I 'just had x done'.

She has given me such a complex about my appearance. I'm always surprised when I see photos of myself that I'm not outrageously different from anyone else in the picture.

She didnt make a single comment on my wedding day. During my pregnancy she would ask me if DH laughs at me when I take me clothes off. Say how bad my skin was (again in a room full of people), how pregnancy didn't suit me and she hoped DH wouldn't find someone else - WTF?!!

The irony is, 20 years of alcoholism have ruined her looks.Doesn't stop her though...

flip - I was the same in childhood - always making excuses (she must have a headache, be tired etc. I guess its a coping mechanism that worked as a kid to protect ourselves.) My issues have really come back to the surface since having children for the same reason. I just think, how could you xyz about so much :-(

Yes to - knocking heads together, I'll give you something to cry about, don't come running to me, 'you're as bad as each other (when wanting safety from abusive brother), 'if you'd have worked you'd have done better (after gcses and getting 8A grader). Grr.

My parents still tell me I shouldn't have had children, they don't like children, don't bother to see children for long periods. Mother didn't meat second child for nearly 2 months despite living 5 minutes away.

Yikes
these posts are just making me cry.
Tonight I only have
I hope tomorrow I can offer words of support and hopefully wisdom
{{{hugs to all on here - and to those who are reading and have yet not found the strength to post}}} x

After reading this thread I think my mum was a narc and can possibly explain every time I see her number pop up on my phone I always get a sinking feeling.

Here are some examples I have never told anyone as everyone thinks my mother is lovely maybe she is and it's just me. Maybe someone could say yes blush it's her not you.

When started my periods at just 12 I was shocked and crying as didn't know anything about periods she just slapped me and gave me a packet of pads and said stop making a fuss. She never did explain.

I was told constantly from 13 - 17 blush you need to lose weight you are to big I think I was a size 12.

She read my diary when I was 15 and called me a disgusting slut as I wrote how much I like some boy.

From 15 - 17 she would hit me for not doing the washing up, leaving things laying about, if i was a minute late home as always had to be in at 7 etc typical teenage things , she would slap me, push me say I was useless and fat

When got my first job at college I had to pay her half and still buy food and clothes

At 19 found out I was pregnant with DS 1. Got told to move out and how a shamed she was of me. Moved in with ex DP parents. She didn't speak to me until 2 weeks before DS 1 was born and turned up like nothing ever happened.

She turned up at hospital when DS was born and said oh blush you look so rough what will people think

If on the odd occasion I asked her to look after him she would want paying as she has a life too!!!!! This is the mother who is earning £50 k a year and who now until this day always asks to borrow money!!!!

Recently one Christmas she gave Ds1 an I pod, DS 2 colouring pencils and me and DP a key ring. This year we didn't get anything as she told my DB we weren't speaking to her [ confused] we went to Thailand for Christmas she never said have a lovely time when I went round took her out for a meal and gave her a few presents etc prior to going she didn't start speaking again till February as she wanted to show her new ban what a lovely mother she is. When I mentioned something to her she screamed blush you was always a fucking nasty child [shocked]

Also I had some new jeans on oh blush I think my BUM used to be bigger than yours but it obviously isn't now

At the moment she is being lovely but this is only because she is awaiting an operation and will need assistance for 6-12 weeks after but she keeps saying if I could afford to go private I would then I don't have to wait till June for my op. I think this is said as she knows I have got some money in the bank from my DF death and I think this is a hint for me to pay but I could be wrong.

I could mention numerous other things but I still think its me and I always carry a sense of guilt

Um, blush, it isn't you. She is waaaay out of line.

Just imagine if you would ever treat your child like that. Or any child.

Blush - if I weren't an only child, I would think we could be twins!

When I got my A level results, which weren't quite as good as expected, she said to me "What am I going to do now? I told everyone you were going to university."

Trying on my wedding dress: "Well it doesn't matter what you wear, does it? Everyone always says the bride always looks lovely, even if she doesn't."

When my stepfather left my mum (apparently because I was pregnant and he couldn't cope with it...I was 24) I told my mum about 3 years of sexual abuse from him age 13 to 16. She said it was because I had ' big boobs'. I bloody even didn't particularly! She let him back anyway.
My delightful ex (10 years older, no friends, no money, emotionally abusive)always ignored my birthday, and said being with me was like going out with a 'cul de sac'.....must have been my good job, own house and car, 2 well adjusted attaining children.
Bless them.

Yellow - I know. When you become a parent yourself you realise just how horrible it actually was.

Blush :(

To echo others, it's definitely her and not you. Please, whatever you do, don't give her any of your money!

Serengetty, women who put having a man ahead of their children disgust me. I'm so sorry you had to put up with such a useless mother.

((())) to everyone really.

I've just remembered something. My lovely Gran (Dads Mum) always disliked my sm. I think she had the measure of her. She stayed with my mum even after they divorced.

She stayed friendly, I mean to say.

My sm could always be relied upon to make a bitchy, spiteful comment about my mum at any given moment, when she got tired of haranguing us about our own shortcomings of course.

OK a light hearted one.

My mum used to get magazines (woman or woman's own) and there would be questionnaires in them.

The idea was that mum filled in one set of answers and teenager filled in the other.

But my mum would fill in all my answers before I had a chance to read it.

According to my dad my eyes have shrunk! I had such big beautiful eyes when I was a little girl but now they are so small.

Over the years as I let myself go, I obviously defied biology and managed to shrink my eyes.

GO ME!, finally a success at something.