Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

What was this?

174 replies

Mollydoggerson · 08/12/2012 22:44

Husband and wife visit husband's relatives for an overnight stay, the related person keeps popping in and out, while the spouse of the related person keeps pouring alcohol. Eventually the wife realises she is really drink and plods off to bed. The following morning the wife realises the husband joined her shortly after and had sex with her. The wife was more drunk than the husband as she had been drinking rose wine whereas the husband had been drinking beer.

Wife has no relocation of anything beyond plodding off to bed, but knows there was sex as husband confirms same the following morning and it is obvious the following morning.

Is this wrong or just a weird thing that happened?

OP posts:
HollyBerryBush · 08/12/2012 22:47

I think it peculiar anyone discusses their sex life with relatives

rhondajean · 08/12/2012 22:48

Are you asking whether there was an issue with consent? Or whether it is weird to have sex in your relatives home?

ClippedPhoenix · 08/12/2012 22:48

So what are you saying here? it sounds like the husband shagged her without her actual consent.

HollyBerryBush · 08/12/2012 22:50

How is it obvious the following morning? Do you mean to the people concerned, or everyone at he breakfast table?

ClippedPhoenix · 08/12/2012 22:51

Did she tell you she didn't consent?

Original poster
Mollydoggerson · 08/12/2012 22:52

I think the husband shagged her without consent, but also possibly without full realisation of the necessity of consent between husband and wife, and also possibly with the general beffudlement of alcohol.

But I'm wondering if other people agree of not.

OP posts:
HollyBerryBush · 08/12/2012 22:52

Are they talking about it in a 'ha ha, you'll never guess what happened last night' sort of way?

ClippedPhoenix · 08/12/2012 22:54

Hang on here. Did he tell you he did this when she was asleep?

ClippedPhoenix · 08/12/2012 22:54

No, OP, tell us what he said, it must have come from him.

rhondajean · 08/12/2012 22:55

I think you could be spot on from what you have said, but that's only half the story of course.

HollyBerryBush · 08/12/2012 22:55

I don't think it's anyones business if the wife isn't complaining.

vigglewiggle · 08/12/2012 22:55

It is a strangely written OP. But I think you are asking about realising you have had sex when you were probably too drunk to consent. Does your OP imply that the woman was deliberately plied with alcohol? Either way, it makes no difference if the H took advantage of his wife when she was incapable of consent, but it suggests premeditation.

What does the H say about how his wife seemed during intercourse? Did he admit that he knew she was very drunk?

The big queston is what does she want to do about it?

rhondajean · 08/12/2012 22:55

Did this happen to you Molly?

ClippedPhoenix · 08/12/2012 22:58

If it happened to you Molly then he's a nasty bastard that thinks he owns you.

badguider · 08/12/2012 23:00

It's weird but how weird depends on how the wife feels about it. If I were very drunk and my DH quite drunk and we had sex I didn't remember it wouldn't really bother me as I trust entirely that my DH would only have done it if I'd been a willing participant at the time.
Not everyone can say that about their relationship.

Original poster
Mollydoggerson · 08/12/2012 23:00

Yes this happened to me.

OP posts:
ClippedPhoenix · 08/12/2012 23:02

same here badguider, I wouldn't even blink an eye because I know my DP would never "try to slip it in" when i was unconcious.

ClippedPhoenix · 08/12/2012 23:03

So you know he voilated you then Molly. What other shit traits does he have then?

rhondajean · 08/12/2012 23:05

I'm with you too bad a out my relationship, but Molly I don't think you feel the same way.

Are you okay physically first of all? When you say it was obvious it had happened, did he hurt you?

Original poster
Mollydoggerson · 08/12/2012 23:05

In fairness dh was concerned the following morning when I told him I had no recollection, and he told me I was a willing participant at the time, but I have no recollection.

As a result I am wary of being drunk around dh, but maybe I am paraoid.

OP posts:
Casmama · 08/12/2012 23:06

Do you remember anything about the sex? How did your DH describe it?

Casmama · 08/12/2012 23:08

Sorry cross posts. Why are you wary- is it because you don't 100% believe that you were a willing participant?

ClippedPhoenix · 08/12/2012 23:08

No, you aren't paranoid, it's him who full well knows he's over stepped massive boundaries here. You should never ever have to be worried about a thing when you're with your husband least of all getting a bit pissed.

rhondajean · 08/12/2012 23:09

Do you think he realised you were as drunk as you were?

Original poster
Mollydoggerson · 08/12/2012 23:10

I don't remember anything about being in bed.

I suppose what bothers me is, I know I plodded off to bed on my own (clearly drunk), no come to bed eyes etc.

TBH the following morning, I just thought 'oh forget it', but now it is playing on my mind a bit, and I am in no way attracted to dh, don't fully trust him, but maybe I am over reacting.

OP posts: