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Original poster

What was this?

174 replies

Mollydoggerson · 08/12/2012 22:44

Husband and wife visit husband's relatives for an overnight stay, the related person keeps popping in and out, while the spouse of the related person keeps pouring alcohol. Eventually the wife realises she is really drink and plods off to bed. The following morning the wife realises the husband joined her shortly after and had sex with her. The wife was more drunk than the husband as she had been drinking rose wine whereas the husband had been drinking beer.

Wife has no relocation of anything beyond plodding off to bed, but knows there was sex as husband confirms same the following morning and it is obvious the following morning.

Is this wrong or just a weird thing that happened?

OP posts:
ClippedPhoenix · 08/12/2012 23:10

He was drinking a lot lighter than the op.

How does he talk about women in general op?

vigglewiggle · 08/12/2012 23:11

I think your gut feeling speaks volumes. I agree with the others above who say that they would presume that they appeared a conscious and willing participant at the time otherwise their husband would not have continued. The fact that you are unsure about this is concerning. His concern when you had no recollection is somewhat reassuring however.

Casmama · 08/12/2012 23:11

Only you can decide if this is a problem. I know that if I didn't remember having sex with my dh when I woke up that I would still be 100% confident it had been consensual and that ther was a fair chance I had even initiated it.
Is it unusual for you to get this drunk?

Original poster
Mollydoggerson · 08/12/2012 23:14

I was clearly drunk, slurring my words (this is why I went to bed).

Dh is usally respectful to women, he is one of the boys, as in always loves a boys night out, but I would never worry about him straying. He is the type to love the boys gang but he is not a ringleader, loves going out for pints but is not very mischievious.

OP posts:
rhondajean · 08/12/2012 23:14

Molly, what do you think happened? Honestly, based on your knowledge of yourself and your relationship and how you are when you are drunk.

Casmama · 08/12/2012 23:14

If you are in no way attracted to you dh and don't trust him that is a big issue. Do you have regular sex? Please don't answer that if it feels intrusive but if it was a one off after a long drought it would cast a different light on things.

ClippedPhoenix · 08/12/2012 23:14

with respect it has nothing to do with how drunk the op gets, it has to do with the fact that this man decided he could stick one in her (for want of better words) when she was pollaxed. He abused her.

Original poster
Mollydoggerson · 08/12/2012 23:16

No I would not normally get this drunk, we were in someone else's house and the drink was flowing from an earlier hour than I would normally drink. Had I been drinking beer, I would have been in more control of myself.

OP posts:
Casmama · 08/12/2012 23:18

Clipped I asked the question because I wondered whether it was the fact that she couldn't remember the sex and consent that was bothering her because it was unusual or whether there were other reasons for her concern. I am wary about branding people's husbands rapists based on very little information about both the event and the norms in there relationship.

ClippedPhoenix · 08/12/2012 23:18

This is not your fault OP, your husband acted like a bloody self entitled arse that thinks he owns you and your body and he doesnt.

Original poster
Mollydoggerson · 08/12/2012 23:18

I don't want to publically answer any of the other questions, thank you for your consideration.

OP posts:
Casmama · 08/12/2012 23:19

Their

ClippedPhoenix · 08/12/2012 23:19

Stop saying that you had too much to drink therefore it's your fault. A man without ownership issues would never ever take advantage of a drunk female

ClippedPhoenix · 08/12/2012 23:20

Molly, he was WRONG, very very wrong.

Casmama · 08/12/2012 23:21

Ultimately, if you are uncomfortable with it then it is a problem and only ou can decide whether it is a problem resolved by talking it through or whether one thing more is needed.
Take care OP and know there is always support here if you want it in future.

Casmama · 08/12/2012 23:22

Sorry something more- bloody iPad.

rhondajean · 08/12/2012 23:22

Sorry Molly.

I was asking because it might help you to work out whether what happened was a consensual if drunk encounter you would have Joined in enthusiastically or even initiated, or whether your husband came to bed an made a choice to rape you, knowing you were incapable of giving consent.

FairhairedandFrustrated · 08/12/2012 23:23

You aren't attracted to your dh?

ClippedPhoenix · 08/12/2012 23:24

Molly, I would be very uncomfortable with it the same way you are. I'm so angry for you and sad that he did this to you.

I hope you do come back because there are very wise and wonderful women on here that will help you no end.

FairhairedandFrustrated · 08/12/2012 23:24

Not that the lack of attraction detracts from the fact if he had sex with you whilst you were too drink to object, he was wrong!

Amazoniancracker · 08/12/2012 23:26

I am in no way attracted to dh Sad

Does he know this? Is it open and on the table that you are not in the least attracted to him and do not want him touching you in any way?

How long has this utter lack of attracted for yoiur husband been going on? Weeks months or years?

borisjohnsonshair · 08/12/2012 23:27

I am in no way attracted to DH - really? How odd.

don't fully trust him - ditto.

Either I've got the wrong end of the stick, or you're in a very peculiar relationship.

Original poster
Mollydoggerson · 08/12/2012 23:28

Thanks everyone for all the opinions, I just don't want to reveal any further information at the moment. I am reading, and I also want to be completely fair.

OP posts:
rhondajean · 08/12/2012 23:30

Are you ok though Molly?

CleansLate · 08/12/2012 23:30

I took it as she feels that way now.

TBH if DH has sex with me while I was incoherently drunk (I would call that rape, but I know not everyone feels that way), I wouldn't fancy or trust him either.