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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

What was this?

174 replies

Mollydoggerson · 08/12/2012 22:44

Husband and wife visit husband's relatives for an overnight stay, the related person keeps popping in and out, while the spouse of the related person keeps pouring alcohol. Eventually the wife realises she is really drink and plods off to bed. The following morning the wife realises the husband joined her shortly after and had sex with her. The wife was more drunk than the husband as she had been drinking rose wine whereas the husband had been drinking beer.

Wife has no relocation of anything beyond plodding off to bed, but knows there was sex as husband confirms same the following morning and it is obvious the following morning.

Is this wrong or just a weird thing that happened?

OP posts:
timeforachangebaby · 09/12/2012 01:08

Molly yes I am very sorry and good luck.

Rhondda it's not what I wanted - but ......

Now I'm hiding it because some people just want to promote their own agendas.

rhondajean · 09/12/2012 01:09

Not getting at you time!

Molly really hope you are okay and you can take something positive from this thread.

ClippedPhoenix · 09/12/2012 01:10

we all see things in our own way, Im not promoting an agenda, I write as I see.

ClippedPhoenix · 09/12/2012 01:11

rhonda are you ok? I just said it as i saw it. No need to hide a thread.

wannabedomesticgoddess · 09/12/2012 01:15

You are out of line Clipped. It feels to me like this thread has been a trigger for you.

I cant see any other reason for you to derail a thread in this way.

ClippedPhoenix · 09/12/2012 01:18

here we go, ive derailed now. Pack it up. I had a strong view that was all.

Once again I will say that a man should never ever penetrate a woman that doesnt want to be bloody penetrated. If you are saying that she needs to reflect on that then fair enough. I don't and won't.

timeforachangebaby · 09/12/2012 01:19

clipped when dealing with victims of abuse (if OP is one), it's not about you telling it about how you see it, ever.

Seriously - you could do untold amounts of harm. You do not force people to face anything.

Perhaps you should take on board that some of us may actually know what we are talking about, may have carried out extensive research and taken a lot of professional advice on the topic and aren't actually talking out of ignorance.

timeforachangebaby · 09/12/2012 01:21

That is not what you have said - you have said that that is what happened to OP when you know no such thing.

Anyway I really do need to hide it now - because you aren't going to listen.

rhondajean · 09/12/2012 01:21

Clipped I haven't hidden it, thanks for asking if I'm ok, I think you are genuinely coming from trying to help but it's perhaps jsut the way you put it over, it's agressive whether you mean it or not.

I believe you can't tell people what they should think, you've got to let them get there themselves, thus the difference in posting styles.

I do worry though that sometimes people mistake "telling it like it is" for " telling it like they want it to be" and can do damage, eg putting ops back up so she doesn't work it through,

You follow me?

Walkacrossthesand · 09/12/2012 01:27

I'm not in a relationship at the moment, but when I have been, I have really liked sex with my partner. So, if I went to bed first and fell asleep, I wouldn't mind finding myself being woken by him gently initiating sex. Quite a turn on in fact. And the reverse would be true as well (me waking him). So in those relationships it would be fair for either partner to assume that their partner would be delighted to engage in conjugals, drunk or not. Conversely, there have been threads resulting from a husband causing great upset by wanting sex with his sleeping exhausted (from DC duties) wife, and this scenario now where the implication is that sexual advances are not welcome - Molly prefers not to discuss that here, which is entirely her prerogative. But it's totally dependent on individual circumstances.IMO.

ClippedPhoenix · 09/12/2012 01:28

Really, you know do you? there's always two sides to a coin. Why do you know? How presumptuous you are.

ClippedPhoenix · 09/12/2012 01:29

Whats extensive research? what's qualifications? it just means you've read a lot about things, doesn't mean you know.

ClippedPhoenix · 09/12/2012 01:30

I know quite a few qualified peole that actually know jack shit.

rhondajean · 09/12/2012 01:30

Clipped, if you are spoiling for a fight, it's not the time or the place.

wannabedomesticgoddess · 09/12/2012 01:33

OP, please dont be put off by this. We are here to listen and to try to support you the best we can.

ClippedPhoenix · 09/12/2012 01:34

well rhonda don't profess that you actually know more than me because that is ridiculous. I spoke as i felt on the subject, you actually kept berrating me, we all have our opinions, i never pulled you up on yours or anyone elses for that matter, I spoke as i found. I will however fight you put em up

timeforachangebaby · 09/12/2012 01:35

You are beyond contempt.

rhondajean · 09/12/2012 01:36

No one has ever said they know more than you.

I can only hope you wake up tomorrow, read this with fresh eyes, and see what actually has been said.

And I hope you find peace yourself too.

ClippedPhoenix · 09/12/2012 01:41

Sorry OP, I hope you resolve the fact that your husband penetrated you without total consent.

I do however want to challenge silly name change baby. Are you talking about me?

SinisterSal · 09/12/2012 01:42

People do all sorts of things in bed with ethir husbands, welcome all sorts of approaches, all that. It's not a bit helpful any of us thinking, subjectively, Oh this is ok, that isn't.
The point is, Molly feels uncomfortable and on edge since. Her DH may be a totally decent man, in fact probably is, but something happened to unsettle her, else she wouldn't be unsettled.

I suppose it all hinges on his attittude now. If he's sorry that he made you uncomfortable, unsettles inadvertantly - that's the best case scenario. He should be, it's step one really.

Sorry for you, Molly.

ClippedPhoenix · 09/12/2012 01:43

There is nothing wrong here rhondajean, why would you think that, the fact that im honest may upset you somewhat, are you a therapist? or one in training?

AgentZigzag · 09/12/2012 01:49

I hardly ever post on threads in relationships, but this is just such an unusual one.

There are so many patient posters trying to gently say something you're refusing to listen to Clipped, and like them I'm wondering whether you're alright.

You don't sound it.

It's sad that the OP seems to have been pushed out of her own distressing thread (and I'm sorry if I'm contributing to that) but after being on MN for a little while, it's not often I come across so many angry strong opinions in one thread (even though it's understandable given the subject).

But defining yourself as a person who calls a spade a spade doesn't give you license to upset the people who come in contact with you.

ClippedPhoenix · 09/12/2012 01:52

Well agent it goes like this.

I have a very strong view, no one has to go along with it, no one has to challenge it, they did so i came back, whether they chose to be upset that's really down to them and down to you to think they may have been upset.

Amazoniancracker · 09/12/2012 01:55

you told me to piss off clipped. I reported your post.

AgentZigzag · 09/12/2012 01:56

Awww, I just want to give you a hug Clipped, but I don't want to inflame matters.