Is this normal/should I be concerned - DW polishing the pearl regularly, but sex is once a month at most?

[Matt77]

We're both in our mid-thirties, married ten years, one DD (aged 3). My wife is masterbating on average once a week, but we're having sex once a month on average (13 times this year!) ... my advances (once or twice a week) are pushed away. I need advice ... should I just accept this as normal / should I be doing something to differently?

1and morally you owe a husband/wife, as they cannot go elsewhere

words fails me.

Dh and I haven't had sex for months, dh, is that you?

Guys! If a woman came on here and said the same thing as the OP, she woudln't get the same responses, would she??? Totally unfair tp the OP.

OP - you need to tsalk to your wife and see why she doesn't want sex more often. She may be tired by the demands of child, house, job and have nothing left at the end of the day. Do you do your share round the house?

Good luck.

PS I think polishing the pearl is quite nice phrase and not derogatory at all!!

Bardy they'd a difference between a responsibility to discuss changes in your feelings about sex and if that has an effect on the long-term feasibility of a marriage and telling someone they have to lie back and think of England or have sex 5 times a week when they hate it.

totally agree cocktail

I don't get why the OP is getting a hard time either. It's not an offensive euphemism - I quite like it!

OP, maybe masturbation isn't always a substitute for sex. Having secwith yourself and having sex with someone else can be two different and entirely separate things.

There could be all sorts of reasons why your sex life together has dwindled a bit even though she's still evidently got a libido.

Guys! If a woman came on here and said the same thing as the OP, she woudln't get the same responses, would she??? Totally unfair tp the OP.

I can only answer for me and yes I would give the same response.

I like the phrase too it's pretty genial. PtP!

But yeah OP talk to your DW....? What else should we suggest.

As awkward as the OP's title is, a lot of responses show a double standard, imo. There is no question that this thread would be different if the OP were a woman. Yes, there might be some ribbing or a mention of her DH 'polishing his knob', but not the vitriol here. Gah! As a feminist, I'm bloody ashamed at the misandry that it often seems to justify.

Do you think this thread is manhating Conflugenglugen?

She could be shattered, masturbation is easier than sex with a partner!

Or worried about getting pregnant, dislike her body, be pissed off with the OP.....

Conflugenglugen

You are incorrect. I would have given a woman the same response. Which is that if you tale to your partner like that maybe they find it unattractive.

I would not find dh attractive if he used these terms.

So can you tell me where the double standard is?

Sex takes so much longer and involves so much more energy than a wank. I'm probably just rubbish at it, but there is a distinct possibility with any sexual encounter with a man that he will take ages and ages. Then sulk if he didn't think you had an orgasm. Men are obsessed with orgasms, ime.

Someone somewhere is telling men that lasting ages is a good thing. It isn't. Neither is anything that seems like a 'technique'. You are not a performing monkey being awarded prizes for endurance and exciting new tricks.

Matt, you have had a rough response. Not really fair, a woman asking the same question would not have had the same response here, even if she had used one of the more vulgar euphemisms.

1. How long has it been like tbhis? Since you had your DD by any chance? The effect of pregnancy, birth and being a mother cannot be underestimated. She may have lost cinfidence in her body as a sexual entity, she may be tired out, she may feel she hasn't lost any weight gain etc etc.
2. Many women need much longer to feel sexy than men. Before kids you can spend time thinking about romance and sex all day, on and off, after kids, the sheer relentlessness and shitness of the tasks make that less possible. Changing shitty nappies doesn't make you feel sexy. By the end of the day you have had enough of bodies.
3. Is she resenting you over the way your resepctive lives are now? Do you both take equal responsibility? Do you both muck in over domestic tasks and household chores? I don't know if she works outside the home or is a sahm, but basically one person should not be sitting in the sofa until all the jobs are done and both can sit down together. Is this the case in yoru house?
4. She may need a break to see herself as sexy again - have you tried the old cliche of going away together for the weekend?
5. Back off! Kiss her, compliment her, tell her you love her and how gorgeous she is but then DON'T follow up with that kind of squeeze of cuddle. Let her know that your appreciation of her is separate from wanting sex.
6. Most important, talk to her about how she is feeling, and really listen.

Good luck!

Polishing the pearl regularly? (Wtf?!)

Perhaps if you helped out more with the housework she'd want to have more sex with you.

HTH

sorry for my spelling comingseconding .... English isn't my first language and (surprisingly!) it's not a word that I learned in school.

do people really only wank once a week?

"Polishing the pearl regularly? (Wtf?!)

Perhaps if you helped out more with the housework she'd want to have more sex with you.

HTH "

what a stupid comment.

Peace and love people

Olivia! Come stai? Long time no parliamo italiaish

still don't believe anyone could go a full week without a wank

I can hardly go a full day!

For someone who has english as a second language you have managed to embrace euphemisms.

Perhaps the first step would be talking to her about it rather than us.

Maybe she doesn't feel appreciated in the relationship in general?

If she doesn't feel loved and respected, etc she's not going to want sex with you. Do you still go out as a couple, etc? Its hard to keep the romance going with a little one. Work on the relationship and the romance and the sex will come back.

Polishing the pearl? Well I have never heard it called that before!