Is this normal/should I be concerned - DW polishing the pearl regularly, but sex is once a month at most?

[Matt77]

We're both in our mid-thirties, married ten years, one DD (aged 3). My wife is masterbating on average once a week, but we're having sex once a month on average (13 times this year!) ... my advances (once or twice a week) are pushed away. I need advice ... should I just accept this as normal / should I be doing something to differently?

maybe she is enjoying it with you, but can just do it so much fast, better and with less mess and hassle?

I can be over and done with in 2 mins!

Baileys over here please!

Maybe she just does it to let off steam, and doesn't actually feel like having sex.

I'd rather see "masturbate" (or indeed "wank") in the thread title than "polishing the pearl".

Suggest you discuss with DW. And don't call it "polishing the pearl" when you do so.

I'd say you are not satisfying her as well as she can herself - try harder

Ask her if you could polish the pearl for her in a sexy voice

Giving you the benefit of the doubt that you didn't want to put masturbation in the title, have you spoken to her? and how do you know how often she is doing it?
Maybe you should just bite the bullet (that isn't a euphemism) and talk to her.

what's the reason blameit?

Rather than "advances" have you tried courting her? Presumably she liked sleeping with you previously, try working out why she doesn't now. Common reason is tiredness if she's doing the bulk of the chores, or no longer feeling like you fancy her.

Or (crackers idea this one) you could speak to your wife instead of strangers on the internet.

Baileys and hot chocolate for me please. No need for mince pies, I have a box of chocolates.

Ignore the catty remarks. You should definitely talk to her about it. Maybe you could get involved in the pearl-polishing too, if that's not something you normally do?

Perhaps your not a very good or attentive lover.
Words fail me. Perhaps you should learn the difference between 'your' and 'you're'. If a woman came on here to post about being rejected sexually or their partner having a lower sex drive, they would not be asked "Well, have you considered you're a bit shit in the sack?", given the joke treatment, or another 'Its not her, its you!'

If you speak to her the way you have phrased your titled for us to read, you are lucky its once a month.
Oh FGS, he used a euphemism. Not a great turn of phrase, but hardly an offensive or derogatory one. You'd suggest to a woman that if she spoke about her husband 'spanking the monkey' that he should be mortally offended and so upset as to withhold sex?

A better end result
Speak for yourself!

OP, you really need to have a proper honest conversation with her about it. Don't be accusatory. Tell her how it makes you feel, what you're afraid of and ask her to talk to you about how she feels.

i agree firebird. double standards on here are embarassing at times.

Santa, there is a reason the responses are like this. Hth
Really? I'd be interested in knowing what they are too. This thread just keeps getting nastier.

I'd say you are not satisfying her as well as she can herself
Possibly, but then it is equally up to her to address that honestly with her husband. When you get married, you make a promise to be someone's sexual partner and that includes taking personal responsibility to raise and address issues for the sake of your partner, yourself and your marriage. It's also equally likely that non-sexual problems are affecting her sex drive.

Yes I'll have a baileys and a mince pie.

Op-must try harder. In every respect it seems.

I expect the OP is 'spanking his monkey' as we type.
Why is that? Do you often imagine the posters on here masturbating to your words? Bizarre. Why would you assume something like that. You do know troll-hunting is against MN's AUP, so if you have suspicions then perhaps you should be reporting the post.

My husband is wanking once a week, but keeps turning down my advances

what shall I do

Yes that would get a much different response.

Its not like he's asking for BJ tips is it?

Much easier ways to get your rocks off on the internet than chatting on Mumsnet anyway!

SantaIAmSoFuckingRock and firebird

you can 'fgs' all you like. Its not double standards.

Its may a euphemism, but I don't like it. I think its disgusting and I would find any man that spoke like that very unattractive.

I would give a woman the same response. i agree there is a double standard on her sometimes. But its not ALWAYS there.

I am not you going to shy away from what I think I case the 'double standards' brigade appear.

i have to disagree with you firebird. marriage is not an agreement to be someone's sexual partner. thank goodness those days are gone.

My, this thread really puts me in the mood for some serious PtP

You'd suggest to a woman that if she spoke about her husband 'spanking the monkey' that he should be mortally offended and so upset as to withhold sex?

If the wife finds such childish phrase unattractive, I certainly would tell a woman who finds her dh unattractive that she doesn't have to sleep with him.

should they work the issue out, but no woman has to have sex with anyone.

marriage is not an agreement to be someone's sexual partner.
It is. It doesn't mean you have to have sex with them when you don't want to. But you are their partner and you have to take equal responsibility for the sexual relationship - which may just involve being honest about not wanting to have sex and why. But it is very much a sexual union, by legal definition, and morally you owe a husband/wife, as they cannot go elsewhere, either to be having a sexual relationship with them, or not by mutual agreement or to be participating honestly in communication/resolution for any problems.

Awwww, come on don't be disingenuous. You knew exactly what I was saying. However, I am sticking to the mumsnet guidelines.

Merry christmas

it really isn't firebird. there are many happy sexless marriages. there are many marriages that involve other parties through agreement.