Ginny pigs prove the options are of limited quality - Dating thread 28

[lubeybooby]

New one - chit chat all dating stuff here.

Off you go! :o

Thank you sponge and watch. It's really daunting, OD. I'm used to being in London, meeting people through work, but since leaving and working in a female-dominated, rural location, I realised I need to make things happen for myself.

I hope I'm not speaking out of turn, sponge, but I think you might be A Good Thing for LC as you come across as very caring and empathic on here. As well as patient. Which is important when people have depression. I hope you are able to strike a balance between your own needs and his.

'female-dominated, rural location'..

are you in a nunnery?

Ha! No, I work for an obscure part of the government. Though it does resemble a convent, and all those of us who are pre-menstrual's cycles are in synch. TMI.

peruna- i too was working in a female only, rural enviroment.
i came into contact with no men at all.

i no longer work there, and iget to actaully talk to men. its something of a revelation :)

Hi Bomber

Oh well Kirsty - what sponge said!

sponge his voice is slightly nasal in person but definitely worse on the phone. I'll see how I feel after date no 2 tomorrow

Filling in another endless job application and (one of those friggin online ones where you have to type everything in from scratch into their tiny little boxes) and considering stabbing myself with a pen just for fun.

yoga, can you not cut and paste from your cv? ( thats what i do)

NicholasTea of course that's not my Giraffe Man. The Giraffe had an entirely different name

Snape poor DS, it's heartbreaking I know. I was on 'watch' with my DS for long periods of time and was one reason I stopped working so I could keep an eye on him. You will need some time just for yourself to help get you through it.

Watch I'm so pleased your house thing is going to work out, it's odd how many times an apparently crap situation means you end up in a better place. You will hopefully have a lovely new home soon.

Bomber and other newbies, welcome. I am also a relative newbie and everyone is welcome here.

Tuna steam and huge salad. The get my shape back campaign is going well by sending DS to his room with his own cake and I've lost 1.5 kg in 14 days

watch it's these ones where you have to go through the "person specification" point by point, or select answers from their drop down lists, they do my head in. But it's done now, and submitted.

Good luck, yogagirl. Applying for jobs is extremely time-consuming. Not to mentions filled with self-doubt (for me, at least, as I try to second-guess the drop down box minefield).

urgh, those are shite.
sorry.

still, its done. everything crossed for you

Well, 2nd date went (I thought) really well last night. Went for food, talked and laughed for 3 hours. Didn't have a snog, as he had a almost-gone cold sore on his lip. No text today, after daily texting for the past week or two. Not looking promising. He did say he was going to be hectic at work today, but has put on fb about what a long day it's been. I'm NOT texting first

Watch I have my fingers crossed for you and your house, and Snape I really feel for you. When it's your kids you just want to wrap them in cotton wool and beat the crap out of anyone who comes near them, it must be so hard watching him hurting. I hope school get their act together for him.

Heard back from Surrey. She's having a nightmare situation with the STBXH which puts my concerns somewhat into perspective. I've said I'm free to talk whenever she wants to, not much more I can say really.

I think it's too early for her. Bugger.

Apologies for my absence the last couple of days, I've had an awful tummy bug. On the plus side I'm now several pounds lighter!

Bantam oh dear, I feel for you. How long is it since she split with ex?

Snape what a stressful time you're having :( my nephew (15) is having similar problems at school and has just seen CAMHS which seems to be helping. Fingers crossed he'll be seen soon.

Newbies welcome from another relative newbie!

OD is proving to be quite the emotional roller coaster for me. It's despair one minute that no one is interested, then 3 promising messages pop along at once. Trying not to get my hopes up too high though (easier said than done...)

steak not steam. Tuna steam, ewww

Well just had my first OD meet up - on the train coming home. Feel like I want to cry. Maybe I have gone into this too soon after splitting from husband.. Not sure.
He was in a wheelchair. He hadn't mentioned it in all the conversations. Don't have a problem with it per se but he should have said something before. Also kept trying to touch me and kiss me. Just want to get home - train is taking forever. Don't know why it has left me feeling so down

Evening,

I love this thread. Hardly ever post but I read it every day!! Well I decided that there wasn't a spark with Mr Non kisser but we have stayed in touch as friends as he is very lovely to me and has offered some great support. I think i killed any chance of romance with him because I committed every dating no no on every one of our dates and phone calls. Not sure if I am in the right frame of mind for dating because I analyse everything as a sign of rejection but I did love the buzz from it do would like to give it another go. I found MeNK on Just single parents but he was by far the best man on there in my area. Has anyone on here tried it? I am thinking of trying pof but it scares the life out of me!! I am a real prude and think my eyes would blow up if someone sent me a rude picture or dirty message!!

QT - being in a wheelchair is one of those things you really don't leave until a date to mention. It's immediately putting someone on a back foot, so to speak, if you're going to possibly guilt someone into staying for the rest of the date. I had one date with someone in crutches, and she was up front about it - I felt a bit odd, which I know I shouldn't but she was lovely and funny so we went for the date. And there just wasn't a spark. If I'd turned up and she hadn't mentioned them before I'd spend so much time mentally going back over the messages in my head to try and work out if she'd hinted at it I wouldn't really focus on her. And I'd be annoyed - it's like lying about your height, saying you're 5'10 when you're actually 5'3. You turn up to meet someone, they've obviously hidden something fairly important, and it's the hiding that puts you off.

Plus the touching and kissing, yeuch. Of course it's left you feeling down. Sorry mate, sounds like a bad night. There are good ones, there are even fantastic ones, but there are also shit ones.

Pain - if you're going to try POF get the advice on here about hiding your profile first before you try it.

QuestionTime no wonder you're upset! Not only did he lie to you, by omission, about something fundamental, but then went on to try and transgress your boundaries. for you. The latter especially. How did you react to his attempts? He clearly left you feeling like crap so I'm guessing not brilliantly. Please tell me if I'm mistaken but did you tell him abt your situation? Because it reads to me like he gleefully exploited it.

Bantam sorry about Surrey girl, sometimes timing is everything

Question Can't believe he wouldn't have mentioned he was in a wheelchair before you met. Between that and the touching and kissing (which from the sound of it was not being encouraged or reciprocated) he actually sounds like a bit of a tosser. Chalk it up to experience and give yourself some time to decide if you feel up to doing it again (with someone else obviously!).

Pain POF is a bit of a challenge. Haven't tried Just Single Parents. If things don't go anywhere with the Engineer I might have a look

I think I'm going to come off POF for now, I've only attracted pervs and lads half my age after one thing.....

Still got match.com

Bant It is too soon. Sorry Even if she were to go for relationship with you, Im sure you know that it ain't pretty being a bystander while the person you care about battles with an unpleasant STBX. The dynamic is not a good one and does neither the ego or the heart any favours.
If you really really like her then switch into friend mode for now. As you have done, tell her you are there if you want to talk. Don't mention your feelings again until she is in a place to appreciate them.
If you can obvs. Only you know what is appropriate for you.

Question - your date sounds rough. Don't feel down, be proud of yourself that you got yourself back out there. That is an amazing step. Okay, the man wasn't for you and he didn't tell you about the wheelchair and he violated your personal space but you did go out on a date with a man and that is massive. Bet it felt great getting ready and the exciting build up to your date. Imagine how brill it will be when you meet a lovely man!! Keep going!!
I had a good first date experience and it really helped me to move on from my ex. Made me realise that i have been missing out on intelligent conversation for years!! Try not to get too down about it. Chalking it down to experience sounds like good advice if you can manage it.

Bant seems like you need the distraction abilities of WarmFuzzy!

Sorry about Surreygirl. Maybe throw yourself back into OD even half heartedly you have kept the door open so if she wants to get in touch/restart things she can, but your self esteem/dignity will be stripped to the bare bones if you continue trying to get her attention when she has 'stuff' to deal with.

Shall I get my coat and program the SatNav?

breakout any news? did you discuss meeting again? might be worth texting him tomorrow if you haven't heard, just something casual. but hopefully he'll be in touch before then :)

pixie hope you're feeling better! rollercoaster about sums up the OD experience I think...

question oh god, poor you. He certainly should have said he was in a wheelchair, at best its disingenuous not to have done so. The overly tactile thing isnt nice either, not a good intro to the dating experience. I'm not surprised you felt down, you were deceived and then he crossed your boundaries. He's clearly not a nice person. Unfortunately there are a lot of shitty men out there, there are allegedly some nice ones too BUT just a shame you had to meet one of the not so nice. Go home, eat some chocolate, have a tea, or wine, or whatever your poison is, and congratulate yourself. it wasn't a good date, but you went. You tried, and there's loads of men and women who aren't brave enough to do that. So well done :) Sleep on it, and see how you feel about dating (honestly, it can only get better) tomorrow, or after the weekend, or whenever you're ready. No hurry.

bantam bollocks :( timing's a bitch, as I know all too well! I agree with MadameO if you like her, and can be a friend, then worth a try? The ExH won't always be mad (mine took about 2 years from our split to calm down and stop trying to control my life, but they always give up eventually).