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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Bizarroville!! PoshBoys, Muppets, Surgeons, nurses, coffee addicts and RL - dating thread 27!

999 replies

lubeybooby · 05/11/2012 21:40

Roll up roll up get yer dating chat here... all kinds of dating...

Online, RL, established, new, join in and blether away!

OP posts:
maggiemuggins · 10/11/2012 23:24

Western. Excellent, a happy ending! :) That is what I need to hear.
My twat radar is now more finely tuned, after a recent major malfunction... And if it breaks down I refer to Baggage Reclaim for instructions on how to fix it! Grin

hatesponge · 10/11/2012 23:26

western Sorry just wanted to add I really hope you're ok, I don't do the praying thing but I will be hoping very hard for a good outcome for your man, fingers v firmly crossed all works out :)

maggiemuggins · 10/11/2012 23:27

OKC, POF, right. Got it. Thanks again for the tips x

bantamrooster · 10/11/2012 23:30

Although I am thinking of creating EthicalDating.Com. seriously. There are enough dickheads out there, of both sexes, it would be nice to make money off the decent ones and leave the arses out in the cold.

Almost darwinian

OhWesternWind · 10/11/2012 23:34

Thanks everyone - again! - for your kindness. Probably more blethering of this ilk to come, though ... All will be well. We're made of tough stuff us northerners.

Mac whit woo at those legs Smile. He sounds really nice. Hope it goes well.

MacAndCheese · 10/11/2012 23:37

4 inch heels will do that Western Smile

lubeybooby · 10/11/2012 23:46

bantam, do it! I'll invest! :o

OP posts:
MsCellophane · 10/11/2012 23:49

hello lovely new people, hope the non lovely one has crawled back under their stone now

Western - just want to add my hugs and thoughts

Sponge - this is why we love you, you kick arse when you have too

Bantam - what do you mean you went out into the real world?? What is this place you speak of????

I've spent the evening showing my offspring the delight that is Rocky Horror Picture Show, not sure they were impressed

MacAndCheese · 10/11/2012 23:51

bantam I will happily be a test subject for your site.

MsCellophane they weren't impressed with the rocky horror show? Shock

MsCellophane · 10/11/2012 23:53

To be fair - I was singing/speaking along and shouting things out. It was probably me they weren't impressed with Smile

Taking two eldest to see UK tour in the summer, really want to go before then though

MacAndCheese · 11/11/2012 00:11

Ah, were you doing that "embarrassing parent" thing?

Wink

No offence meant btw.

hatesponge · 11/11/2012 00:22

Bantam, Put my name down for the site as well...though I will probably be banned as a troublemaker Grin and before I forget hope you have a fab date with SurreyGirl tomorrow ;)

MacAndCheese · 11/11/2012 00:26

Ah sponge I didn't have you pegged for a troublemaker Grin

bantamrooster · 11/11/2012 00:35

Thanks sponge, early train to London (well, early for a Sunday) and half hoping the spark happens, half not. Can't tell from emails obviously but got to keep trying I guess.

Worley · 11/11/2012 00:39

it's all been going in here today :/ I can't keep up with these threads!
well I messages the chap down road from me and had no response all week. he's been online as shows up in my search as online.. so I guess that's a not interested then :(
I also twigged this evening my profile was hidden, had wondered why I was getting no messages.. although the lack quality of man in my area i less than desireable :(

hatesponge · 11/11/2012 00:40

I'm sure it will be great, even if no spark, since you seem to get on so well - where are you going?

MacAndCheese · 11/11/2012 00:42

Oh Worley Don't be sad. Is it possible that he's just left his account logged in?

Yes bantam details please! Grin

MadameOvary · 11/11/2012 00:44

Sponge
Grin
That is all.

mercury7 · 11/11/2012 01:48

ethical dating?
ah come on thats not gonna turn a profit.

Dating sites need to lure the punters in and then keep them coming back again and again, a little payoff now and again keeps them hooked, hoping for that mythical happy ever after

you know the house always wins

rosemarysage · 11/11/2012 02:54

Hi all,

(de-lurking for a minute)

Spone re that text message. Weirdly I had been thinking earlier today that maybe LC had had a family crisis or that he suffered some mental health condition which was causing him to pull back (perhaps not feeling ready for a relationship?).

I think this is the explanation that makes most sense of his behaviour. From your description of the dates he seemed genuine and into you, so it sounded like some outside issue was the factor in causing him not to respond.

I have known people (and know of people) with depression and it can cause the person to withdraw from social contact, and also even very small things can seem too much or overwhelming.

To me that text message rings true, and I don't think he was being intentionally mean or disrespectful by not texting you earlier. Of course he could be an arse, but in the context of the information you have given us I am thinking he is genuine. He possibly felt too embarrased to bring it up earlier (considering he had only met you twice it would be difficult to bring up such a personal thing, so I suppose he took the "easier" option of avoiding).

The "a bit-low" thing, I don't read it as him minimising depression. He might have a habit of wanting not to burden people with how bad he feels, or worried that he will freak them out or something. He might also have a different measure than what a healthy person would use (i.e. he means a bit low by his standard, so not his worst, but bad by an average person's standard.)

I have a long-term (physical) health condition and you could say I do this a bit. I tend to give people information on a need to know basis, rather than giving them a more detailed account of how sick I really feel. I don't want to be complaining, or for others to feel like I am going on about it all the time, and I do worry about freaking peple out, especially new people who are not used to me.

Anyway if you do get into something with this guy I would tread carefully and protect yourself as well (I thought Wolfs post was very insightful). He may not be able to be there for you in the way that you would need, and the relationship should not be all about him and his needs. He might be lovely but not in a good place for a relationship.

I am a bit inclined to be co-dependent myself (e.g. the rescuer thing, and putting my own needs last). I'm working on this and am a lot better than I was, but no where near where I need to be. I think I would not be able to be in a healthy relationship with someone with a serious mental health condition as I think I would be constantly worried about them, and putting myself last.

Things like the erratic texting could also be unnerving as it could be hard to know how to interpret his behaviour. And some feed-back loops people normally use in relationships, might be sort of broken or absent.

Anyway didn't mean to write an essay Blush

Watch great to hear about the new job!

rosemarysage · 11/11/2012 02:55

Oh dear God I couldn't even spell Sponge properly Blush , oops sorry Sponge.

Pixiebelle123 · 11/11/2012 08:11

Good morning lovely people and welcome newbies!

Firstly, I am going to ignore the troll only to say that i think Sponge has handled herself very well. About LC, I'm glad he got back in touch as it gives you some answers at least. I guess it's up to you now to decide whether you want to pursue this or not.

Western, I'm sorry to hear your news, fingers and toes crossed it's nothing serious and drs are just being cautious.

Good luck to everyone going on dates today, especially Bantam - I'm sure it's going to go great with surreygirl.

I had second date yesterday with history teacher (tea and cake, yum). He's very nice but I can't work out if I like him or not. I'm worried I might only be interested because he likes me Blush.

snapespeare · 11/11/2012 08:20

How are you today sponge?

oww so sorry to hear your news. Will be thinking of you.

bant eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!

rosemary. That was a really helpful & insightful post. You should stay as well. :)

wolf oh the island thing would piss me off. I have a friend who lives on a small Scottish island, it's exactly the same, everyone knows everyone.

I need to leave at twelve for coffee with Sirius black. I don't know what to wear. I got smashing purple velvet shorts in a charity shop yesterday. I'm 44. This is a bad, bad idea.

KirstyWirsty · 11/11/2012 08:40

Morning all

bant and snape good luck with the dates today

Well I am glad I cancelled the short man for Tuesday as I now have a date on Tuesday with an absolutely gorgeous and super fit Auditor.. He sent me a list of questions and when I answered to his satisfaction he suggested we meet but I told him he had to give me his answers first

I decided then to text a couple of pals about it and included a photo but accidentally sent to STBX MIL instead of a friend called Mary .. Oops! She replied 'was this meant for me? Who is he?' And so I said he's asked me out .. She said 'looks fit..enjoy!'

KirstyWirsty · 11/11/2012 08:41

Btw Snape doesn't matter if you are 44 (me too) if you've got it flaunt it!! X