Bizarroville!! PoshBoys, Muppets, Surgeons, nurses, coffee addicts and RL - dating thread 27!

[lubeybooby]

Roll up roll up get yer dating chat here... all kinds of dating...

Online, RL, established, new, join in and blether away!

yep, thats the important thing here. to listen to what he is telling you about himself.
and then thinking how you feel about that, and if thats something you want to deal with long term.
and then go from there.

i would be on the fence too.
you wont know if hes telling the truth.

but, its possible you now have the closure you want, and can walk away knowing it wasnt you, you were right about what happened and its just not going to work out with this guy

I am glad he replied. I hope that you make a decision that you will have peace with.

But we don't know if he is up and down as a behavioural pattern, maybe something happened that's caused this, out of the blue - somebody's ill, passed away etc? If I'd just met someone I'd be reticent to dump my emotional problems onto them, and can understand how contacting them would fall down my list of priorities.

I'd just respond as you honestly feel - I'm not sure what to say...has something happened?

That is if you want to know...

I'm going to have a bath and mull it over.

I do appreciate all the views though, and I think I agree with a lot that has been said. I have to think of myself.

watch you're right that as it stands I have my closure, and reason which is what I wanted all along. And as you all said inniumerable times, it wasn't me. I didn't do anything wrong.

Thank you for putting up with all the self pitying posts over the last few days. I apologise for the amount of the same

I just asked DS1 about stormtroopers and toilets. He looked at me like

hmmm, i just remembered someone i met last summer.
Had a great first date, said he would see me again.
he called, we text all the time.
then he said he wasnt feeling so great,sometimes felt down.
but that he really did want to see me, and it would be a week or something.
so, the continued etxts and daily phone calls.
then nothing.
im asking him how he is, listening, being all supportive.
notihng
after 3 weeks i ask if im actually going to see him again or not.
he assures me i am.
two more weeks, daily calls and texts.
then i decide to give up. 3 days later i get a text from him that he realises i like him, and maybe feeling better made him notice that.
so, i give him ANOTHER chance.
guess what, second date never actually happened.

not saying LC is the same BUT, rather than think about him and the ifs, buts and maybes, think about YOU and uour family, and what YOU want.
andhow YOU want to be treated. Base your decision on that.

Oh, and sponge, whatever you do, I'm glad you got a response

Sponge a bath and mulling it over is good.

I am going to make a cuppa and mull it all over too. I have lots of thoughts about it but they need organising into something coherent

(Cough!) we told you it wasn't you (cough!)

You have your bath, lovely you.

yoga.

Marry me.

Yay! first marriage proposal on the dating thread! (I think)

See? It does serve a purpose. Now all we need is to get Cilla Black out of retirement

I'm wearing floor length red... A la Paula Yates (again....when I did get married, it was floor length red...yards of red viel, like a really good sunset...and my matron of honour wore beautifully clashing Nigerian dress-robes in Greek-sky-blue)

Oh. Wait. I'll need to have a pretty good reappraisal of my sexuality

But the sentiment remains.

:)

Ok, I have arranged my thoughts.

They are, that the message is, the most fucking annoying and frustrating bastard of a message ever.

Supposing it's true, and he suffers depression. Fair enough, very common, a lot of us do or have done at some point. That in itself isn't a chuckworthy offence (although the ignoring is) providing he is seeking and making progress with some help for it. But when and how exactly is sponge meant to get more info on this, without making herself vulnerable? I mean, if it's true, it would be useful to have some details, like does this happen often? are you getting treatment/support? Was there any reason why it was worse this week?

But that can't be done without a good chat or another date. both of which would seem to imply that sponge is up for being taken for a mug and dropped/picked up whenever he feels like it. Or another option, which again is really rather shit for sponge, is just to wait around and see if he offers the info or has some kind of miraculous recovery. shit, shit and shite.

Also, with it only having been two dates, it would seem too much/full on/nosy/personal to start going into the depths of mental health. But then if you are considering someone as a date, is it fair enough to want to know the status of their mental health before you decide anything like... another date.

Then, suppose it's not true. Well then he's a big fibber not worthy of dating. But there is not really any way of telling if it's bullshit or not.

See? Annoying. Very very annoying. Argh.

I'm with lubey on this one. I also sort-of-dated someone for a while who was like this. Completely fucked me over and left me a reeling miserable headcase with no self worth. People like that just take and take and take and never stoop to think about how it's affecting you. As the past week proves.

I personally wouldn't go there again and would only date someone with MH issues if they were working with a professional to manage it and possibly on some form of medication or treatment as well, depending on the illness and severity. And then I would think really carefully and might still not go there. It depends on the person.

I understand that sometimes you have to do these things for yourself to learn what it can be like, though. I'm sure people warned me about my ex but did I listen? Did I heck.

snape Understood. But the sentiment is very much appreciated.

Ok, trivial question alert. And complicated. So you'll probably get bored trying to figure it out before you get to the end.

The Engineer is on FB. I don't want to friend him yet. We don't exactly have a mutual friend but he is friends with the sister-in-law of a friend of mine (herewith to be referred to as SIL). I have met SIL before and we have 16 mutual friends. Do I

a)send SIL a FB friend request and see if the Engineer finds me?
b)ask my friend (no a particularly close friend but more than an aquaintence) if she has ever heard of the Engineer
c)do nothing til after Monday

Bugger, that didn't make any sense, did it?

Sponge You got a reply, which is good. But the most half-arsed reply possible. And he assumes you think he's seeing someone else. Which makes it a defensive response (no, he's not trying to put you at your ease, because if he was that considerate, he'd be beinding over backwards to make things right)

A "bit low"? What does that mean? Minimising serious depression? = not good. Actually just "a bit low" = self-involved arse. We can all feel "a bit low", does that mean we lose all sense of consideration for others?

I despise these wrong-footing texts. Why? Because they are all about them The "sorry" is lip service. You get drawn back in, it all starts again, he now knows that you will put up with long silences and replies when he feels like it if you reply and give him the benefit of the doubt.

Sponge really...it shouldn't be this much hard work.

Even if he was really into you, I would stay well clear.

Yoga, C - do nothing til after Monday

Great post from MadameO there too.

yoga I'd leave it till after Monday .. You weren't enamoured after the phone call so wait and see if you like him

I decided that I was on a roll with binning people (Mr Cheeky from work finally got the message yesterday and the surgeon this morning) and so decided that I wouldn't really want to go out with someone who is the same height as me .. So messaged the guy I was supposed to be meeting on Tuesday and told him I had had 2nd thoughts .. Haven't heard from him since Tuesday morning... he sent me a horrible text in response so think I've had a lucky escape

So that's me back down to two dates this week .. Although have been chatting with a cop who lives two streets away today

Might be a bit excited about Sirius tomorrow.

Just a bit.

Snape

Hello,

Long time lurker here...

I started seeing someone from POF about two years ago. He had mental health issues which bacame apparent very quickly and had a mental health crisis almost as soon as we started dating. He was/is a good, kind decent man with a lovely personality.

I launched straight into my 'saviour' mode, which I hadn't then fully realised was a part of my personality. A difficult period followed and he did indeed improve and get much better. But then he relapsed - and again I picked him up. And then he relapsed again. And again. And when he wasn't relapsing I was constantly scrutinising and fretting that he was about to.

I ended the relationship a few months ago and I have flourished since then. I have come to realise that all my energy and strength went into the relationship and supporting and protecting and counselling him.

We now meet up every couple of weeks for lunch, probably chat most days by text. I still watch out for him, but the intensity and degree of responsibility I feel is a fraction of what it was. I now have a wonderful close friend in him and don't regret having the relationship at all.

Not sure what I'm trying to say really - I suppose I'm probably saying to Sponge that dealing with depression/mental health (if indeed that's the issue here) is okay for a while and cope-able with. But it's exhausting long term. Really tiring. My friend/ex was embarrassed and humiliated by his diagnosis and that did make him hide from me at times at first, and he did drip feed the truth until he was confident of my reaction.

The wonderful person Sponge met may really exist and not be a flakey bad person. Only further investigation will tell that. And it sounds as though Sponge may have regrets if she doesn't find out more given the strength of feeling following her dates.

It's a horrible situation. I don't think I've said anything very useful at all or been very cohesive, sorry!

I'll go back to cowardly lurking now. Unfortunately I appear to lurk on the dating sites with my hidden profile too...duh...never going to get anywhere unless I grow some balls. Metaphorically speaking of course!

I love hearing about all your adventures, thank you one and all for your witty and interesting postings!