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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Sorry - VSM here again.

152 replies

verysadmum · 03/01/2004 17:52

I'm sorry to keep bothering you.

My H hasn't been seen by anyone (that I'm in regular contact with) since nye and I'm actually quite surprised that he hasn't contacted me today about seeing the children.

Do you think I should just give him a quick call/text?? I'm obviously glad not to speak to him atm but I'm a bit worried.

TIA, Me xx

OP posts:
Roscoe · 03/01/2004 17:55

No. I would leave it in case he got the wrong idea about things.

LIZS · 03/01/2004 17:56

Can you reasonably ask someone else to do it like your sister ? Isn't he supposed to be staying at a friend of hers' house ?

adell · 03/01/2004 17:58

I personally wouldn't. I think it will do him good to see that you can survive perfectly well without him. I reckon he's lying low, licking his wounds as he has started to realise that you are serious about all this and can cope on your own.

Roscoe · 03/01/2004 17:58

Forgot to say YOU'RE NOT BOTHERING ANYONE!

sobernow · 03/01/2004 18:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lisa78 · 03/01/2004 18:12

Hi VSM,
For what its worth, I wouldn't make any contact with him, overtly or covertly - if anything had happened to him, you would know by now.
You carry on as you are girl, I reckon he is trying to punish you or test you to see if you care about him
And you are NOT a bother to anyone on here, we're all rooting for you!

emmatmg · 03/01/2004 18:23

Hello VSM, I haven't posted of any of the other threads about your situation(sorry can't think of another way to describe it) but have been following it since the start.

I have to TOTALLY agree with everyone here, he's just testing you and as liza78 says if something awful had happened you would know by now. This is all part of his shitty mind games, he'll hopefully realise that you mean it's over when he 'loses' this game.

aloha · 03/01/2004 18:43

He's testing you. Don't rise to the bait! Keep going, you are doing brilliantly!

Original poster
verysadmum · 03/01/2004 18:47

Wow - Thank you!

Right, I'm not going to contact him directly but if I haven't heard from him by tomorrow then I'll try and ask someone to check out the house or something. I think if I do a 141 call then he's probably going to suspect it's me isn't he? Especially if he is playing mind games...

Your mind must work like mine sobernow! I guess I'm more worried if HE'D done anything stupid. He's in a house by himself and it's not seen from the road.. I know I said I wished he would disappear but even so!

OP posts:
Original poster
verysadmum · 03/01/2004 19:16

I swear my ds reads my mind sometimes..

He's just said to me (exact words) "Mummy, it's good that we don't see Daddy much now isn't it?"

OP posts:
sobernow · 03/01/2004 19:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

emmatmg · 03/01/2004 19:21

Oh VSM, in a way thats very sad but it's good too.

He's obviously happy not seeing him as he thinks it's good so don't feel too bad. You're all he wants now by the sounds of it.

sobernow · 03/01/2004 19:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
verysadmum · 03/01/2004 20:13

Okay so it is good that it's confirmed my decision (although it stills feels complicated) but so incredibly sad on so many levels. I'm just crying for him.

I just want to scream "WHY WHY WHY?????"!!!!!

OP posts:
Roscoe · 03/01/2004 21:37

Poor little boy. At least he doesn't have to feel scared any more. Hugs to you both. xxx

Original poster
verysadmum · 03/01/2004 22:13

Thanks Roscoe.

I do feel like I'm driving you mad talking about it though. Having just said that I don't suppose anyone's online that I can 'talk' too?

OP posts:
Roscoe · 03/01/2004 22:16

I'm here, VSM.

adell · 03/01/2004 22:16

Hi VSM, I'm here for a little bit. I've just read what your DS said, although it is really sad I hope it helps you feel that what you've done with very good reason.

Original poster
verysadmum · 03/01/2004 22:18

Thank you (again) Roscoe.

I'm so sorry if I'm boring you all and I know I need to move and sometimes I feel I have and then... crash. It hits me again. He's not even bloody here, I haven't seen him for a number of days and yet I'm feeling s**t again.

OP posts:
Roscoe · 03/01/2004 22:21

Never feel that you're boring us, VSM.

Beccarollover · 03/01/2004 22:24

VSM ((HUGS)) it must have been very hard to hear your DS say that - be proud that you are his rock and have done what you had to do to make him happy - it seems its working, hes feeling safe enough to tell you how he is feeling, well done you!

Becca
xxx

Original poster
verysadmum · 03/01/2004 22:24

I have gone on a bit though haven't I?

OP posts:
adell · 03/01/2004 22:24

Sorry VSM, just realised that my sentences aren't making much sense. Agree with Roscoe, please don't feel you're boring anyone.

nutcracker · 03/01/2004 22:26

Just remember, you should feel really proud of yourself and how you,ve made your descion (spelling) and stuck to it. I think you are an amazingly strong person who is just doing her best by her ds and sorting her life out. I for one admire you for that, and you do not in the least bore me

Roscoe · 03/01/2004 22:27

It's at times like this that you NEED to talk. It's not "going on".