Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Sorry - VSM here again.

152 replies

verysadmum · 03/01/2004 17:52

I'm sorry to keep bothering you.

My H hasn't been seen by anyone (that I'm in regular contact with) since nye and I'm actually quite surprised that he hasn't contacted me today about seeing the children.

Do you think I should just give him a quick call/text?? I'm obviously glad not to speak to him atm but I'm a bit worried.

TIA, Me xx

OP posts:
Original poster
verysadmum · 03/01/2004 22:28

Thanks. I just feel like I'm being a bit useless atm. I know I've made the right decision and things but I don't always feel like I'm coping with it all.

OP posts:
Lisa78 · 03/01/2004 22:30

You don't bore me nor are you going on - besides, if you did, I could choose not to read or reply couldn't i? The fact that so many people do choose to read and reply should tell you something!

Beccarollover · 03/01/2004 22:30

Why would you be coping with it all so soon? Dont feel bad because you dont feel together and sorted completely yet, you are going through a massive and messy upheaval. I had a similiar relationship (not violent to DD but violent to me, abusive, drugs etc etc etc) and it took me a LONG time to feel I was coping even though I KNEW it was the right thing to do.

If its any help - 3 years on Im SO much happier and it all seems like distant memory

Becca
xxx

Original poster
verysadmum · 03/01/2004 22:33

True. It's just a combination of stuff I think. I began to get back on track and often I think I am but honestly, if you saw my house you'd know I wasn't coping. I keep making efforts but then I completely lose motivation. I think what he said has just knocked me a bit.

OP posts:
Original poster
verysadmum · 03/01/2004 22:34

I know but I want to feel good so much. Perhaps I shouldn't expect to but I WANT to, I really do.

OP posts:
Beccarollover · 03/01/2004 22:35

If you saw my house you would think it had been derelict for years!

I know what you mean tho, the slightest thing knocks you for six and it takes all of your energy just to carry on plodding hoping it will all turn out ok.

Its all very emotionally exhausting, no wonder you dont feel great

xxx

Roscoe · 03/01/2004 22:37

You've been through so much in the last few weeks I'd be stunned if you said you were coping well just yet.

Original poster
verysadmum · 03/01/2004 22:37

Sorry my ds has just woken up - I'll be back in 5. Thanks xx

OP posts:
Original poster
verysadmum · 03/01/2004 22:43

Sorry. Back again. Actually my ds asked me why I was sad and I just said that I wasn't sure really. I'm not even sure why I'm sad exactly.

OP posts:
nearlymybeetrootday · 03/01/2004 22:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
verysadmum · 03/01/2004 22:45

It does knock you for six. I don't know how I'm going to get through this crazy week...

OP posts:
Original poster
verysadmum · 03/01/2004 22:46

I think locks are due actually. Not idea how to fit them though! As it is I have to keep the chain on the door in case he suddenly turns up unannounced. I wouldn't put it past him to turn up here drunk either... Thanks.

OP posts:
Lisa78 · 03/01/2004 22:47

ditto on those locks!

nearlymybeetrootday · 03/01/2004 22:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Beccarollover · 03/01/2004 22:49

Yep tritto (is that a word) on the locks too - the sense of apprehension that he could turn up at any time will only be adding to your feeling of unease.

Get them done, it will make you feel better and is one more positive step in the direction of being happy and safe.

God that sounds cheesy doesnt it - sorry but I can soo relate with your feelings at the moment - grieve for your relationship, it is still a loss and slowly but surely one day you will realise that you no longer feel dreadful and can start feeling hopeful for the future.

Your doing great
Becca
xxx

Roscoe · 03/01/2004 22:49

Post here 100 times a day if it helps. I've just sent you my e-mail address via Contact Another Talker too in case you want to talk offline too.

Lisa78 · 03/01/2004 22:50

Or if you don't change the locks VSM, you could perhaps have them wired to the mains!

Original poster
verysadmum · 03/01/2004 22:50

I will ask the solicitor on Tues (prob Tues - depends on appt's - they don't reopen until Monday) if he thinks it's acceptable then I will.

OP posts:
Original poster
verysadmum · 03/01/2004 22:54

Lol - Lisa . Hey I smiled!

Thanks. All of you.

I guess I need to see how Monday goes too.... Relate session. He said that he will come too. In some ways I feel it may help us talk through things but I'm not actually sure we've anything left to talk about.

OP posts:
Chinchilla · 03/01/2004 22:57

Hi! I have never posted on any of your threads, but I have just re-read the original one. You sound wonderful, and I really feel for you and your children. I hope that 2004 is a better year than 2003 for you. I can't contemplate being in your situation, and how hard it would be to split from my dh, but I know you must have some guts to do it. I just want to let you know that I have been thinking of you, even if I did not have any constructive advice, or relevant experience.

Roscoe · 03/01/2004 22:57

Oh b*gger! Dh is giving me evil looks for being on here so long. Gotta go. E-mail me if you like. xxx

Original poster
verysadmum · 03/01/2004 23:02

Thanks Chinchilla. I would never have contemplated being in this situation, mind you - who does?

Night Roscoe, It may take me a while to get your email as it goes to a friends account now but thanks.

Right, tomorrow is going to be a house blitzing day - it will have to be - it's my last 'free' day and social services are coming over on Weds...

OP posts:
marthamoo · 03/01/2004 23:44

vsm, don't you dare apologise for bothering us

Agree with everyone else: don't contact him, your priority now is yourself and your son, and he who shall not be named can take care of himself.

Stay strong.

enus · 04/01/2004 00:39

totally emphathise vsm sorry that roscoe felt that i was giving her evil looks earlier but sometimes i feel a little left out but being on the aspie scale its prollyjust me hope didnt distrupt to muc.

Original poster
verysadmum · 04/01/2004 00:42

Are you Roscoe's dh? really?

OP posts: