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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Sorry - VSM here again.

152 replies

verysadmum · 03/01/2004 17:52

I'm sorry to keep bothering you.

My H hasn't been seen by anyone (that I'm in regular contact with) since nye and I'm actually quite surprised that he hasn't contacted me today about seeing the children.

Do you think I should just give him a quick call/text?? I'm obviously glad not to speak to him atm but I'm a bit worried.

TIA, Me xx

OP posts:
StressyHead · 04/01/2004 12:06

message withdrawn

Original poster
verysadmum · 04/01/2004 12:07

Done! Thanks again.

Right, I'm going to start lunch - my children are asking for food and I can't ignore them anymore!

OP posts:
Original poster
verysadmum · 04/01/2004 12:11

Oh Stressy, I'm sorry. I don't think people under stand that always though do they? I still feel incredibly ashamed and I'm afraid to admit, I still completely believe I am at least partly to blame. Of course I haven't told H that.

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StressyHead · 04/01/2004 12:16

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WideWebWitch · 04/01/2004 12:43

VSM, I missed your original thread but have just read it and wanted to add my good wishes and congratulate you on having left your H. Please don't feel you're going on, no-one here minds in the least, I promise. Your H wants you to blame yourself but please don't.

I also have several piles of drivel and you're very welcome to some of them so contact me if you'd like me to send you a frothy novel or two! Beetroot, do start a book swap thread, I'll join in, definitely.

GlitterGirly · 04/01/2004 14:23

Keep going VSM! You are doing sooo well and please don't feel you are going on, its not true. Many of us are following your thread and cheering you along (even if we don't say so), So I too am sending you hugs and strength.

I have loads of books, must have something to suit you. reading does take your mind off things esp if you get engrossed. Have you read Lovely Bones, its is sad but a fantastic read, it really is one of those ones you cannot put down.

Oh and don't bother contacting H, he is stringing you along, just wait till he turns up on Monday at relate and make no mention of his lack of contact. He is trying to control you.

I just love your PMA

Jollymum · 04/01/2004 21:24

VSM-have you picked up your E-mails yet? I sent you one and I now know I'm a sad git, 'cos I was really excited and did it on my own! You can all laugh, all you technos, but for dumbos like me, it was a big achievement! Don't phone him, VSM, don't. If anything had happened to him, someone would contact you and I just bet he's sitting by that phone, smirking and thinking that you'll phone him any second. Don't let him have the satisfaction-it'll just be one more kick in the olax(good word, whichever mnetter invented that!) and you'll feel sooo good. You keep going, we're all here and you are never going on, just talk and someone will be here to listen. xxxxx

popsycal · 04/01/2004 21:26

Don't get in touch VSM
don't do it
all otherposts i agree with
keep on being strong

Original poster
verysadmum · 04/01/2004 21:34

Well my AH turned up completely unannounced this afternoon.... just after I'd posted last on here in fact! Oh dear... no chance to delete the history so he may have read this (has been using computer too) I did get a chance to log out of my email though..

He was rather rude to start of with to say the least and apparently I've totally lost the plot - which is no surprise.

Then my dd ran up to him though and said something like "it's my Daddy!!!" and he picked her up and dissolved.... it made me feel just awful and I had to run upstairs and have a cry too..

After he came up to see me and we had yet another row though... he's blaming me for pulling the family apart and why can't I move on... I said I was trying to but without him. It was just awful. I think he really is genuinely sorry now though.

He's only recently gone.. the children are both up now yelling!! I have tried cuddles but no dd wants daddy and no one else. Ds justs wants some peace and can't get it with dd yelling - and I mean serious yelling... ARGH!!!!!!!!

OP posts:
popsycal · 04/01/2004 21:36

oh - vsm!!
Once you have got your kids off to bed, join us in the bar

nearlymybeetrootday · 04/01/2004 21:37

This reply has been deleted

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Festivefly · 04/01/2004 21:39

Don't let him use the computer, put a password on it.
Sorry about the kids its not nice at all, can't really say much as you know i don't know how long it lasts either. Chin up, 2004 will sparkle

Original poster
verysadmum · 04/01/2004 21:39

I did have the chain on hence I could quickly log out of my email but what could I do?

He has now said he'd called first. So he'd better!

OP posts:
nearlymybeetrootday · 04/01/2004 21:40

This reply has been deleted

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Original poster
verysadmum · 04/01/2004 21:41

He said if I didn't let him use the computer there he would just take it...

OP posts:
Original poster
verysadmum · 04/01/2004 21:43

DD's just gone quiet so hopefully ds will soon follow (relief!). I can feel myself calming down already.

OP posts:
popsycal · 04/01/2004 21:44

big glass of wine vsm!

nutcracker · 04/01/2004 21:46

Sorry to hear about all the trouble today. Hope your o.k (and kids). I think i'd definatly insist that he phones before comming around.

Original poster
verysadmum · 04/01/2004 21:46

Would LOVE one! Have been drinking a bit lately though so perhaps I should remain sober... maybe!

OP posts:
Lisa78 · 04/01/2004 21:58

Sounds like staying sober is the last thing you need babes!

Original poster
verysadmum · 04/01/2004 22:02

Yeah, but I seem to be making a bit of a habit of it Thanks.

Ds is still awake... dd IS asleep!

OP posts:
Roscoe · 04/01/2004 22:15

If AH was truly sorry he would apologise (and mean it) and do everything he could to make your life easier. He's only sorry for HIMSELF. You didn't break up the family - he did, when he hit you and ds.

popsycal · 04/01/2004 22:18

get in the bar vsm!! see you there!

Original poster
verysadmum · 04/01/2004 23:35

Thanks Roscoe & Popsy!(been in already!!)

Actually I told him he was crying for himself but he was so sad I almost gave him a hug - I could do with a proper one too! I didn't though.

Perhaps he really can change? I don't think I can let myself trust him again though... It has sunk in that it's over though. I guess at least now he might be a little more reasonable about things... well I can hope, can't I?

OP posts:
motherinferior · 05/01/2004 08:17

Perhaps, in theory, he can change. But I really don't think he is about to at the moment because he is still being completely deranged in the way he treats you. YOU have lost the plot? It's YOUR fault? So he's not getting exactly what he wants, so he cries.

I very rarely think 'he deserves to cry' but in this case I'm tempted to. Keep strong, love. Xxxxxxx