Concerned about attempted silencing/derailing of issues (via hunting/mocking)

[Halfway]

I posted a thread in AIBU yesterday (perhaps foolishly), which thankfully did turn out to be very helpful, but also turned out to be extremely hurtful. And while overall, I gained a great deal of benefit/clarity/insight from it, I also spent a great deal of the day in tears and/or raging, and feeling generally crap about myself.

The post was about a friend, which led a lot of people to think I musn't be that emotionally invested, because it wasn't about me.

However, I was emotionally invested because I felt like I was watching my friend potentially walk into a very, very dangerous situation (which could end up in her hurt or even dead), and worse, I had the realisation that I could not stop her, but could only try to, and may very well fail.

In the context of that worry, these are the specific things I am complaining about:

a) sustained piss-taking/mocking (which not only humiliate/hurt me, but distracted and derailed the thread, with others jumping on board)

b) failure/refusal to stop the piss-taking/mocking when asked nicely to, and despite my making it clear that I was finding it painful

LET ME MAKE IT VERY CLEAR - I have nothing against genuine concerns, disagreements, and even disbelief of my thread, or specifics in my posts if these things are stated outright (not passive-aggressively buried in in-jokes), and if the posters simply make their position clear and report to MNHQ.

There is a valid need for this kind of watchdog activity, and I am in no way trying to stop that.

But the mocking, especially the sustained mocking by some posters, and 'ha ha' twisting of my dilemma into a funny joke conversation... well that hurt. That really hurt. And I've been seriously hurt in the past (raped, beaten to broken bones), so am no hand-wringing wallflower. It was triggering.

I think that behaviour is wrong, and I think it is going to hurt a lot more people other than me. Perhaps it is already hurting people who have severe issues of their own, and feel they cannot post because they will be laughed at.

Anyway, I'm concerned about it, deeply concerned, and still a bit disturbed myself (although much emotionally cooler).

I'm also not sure how this fits into "Relationships", so apologies if it seems weird here, but I seem to be inviting more suspicion by posting in AIBU, so here it is, and I'm grateful to anyone willing to listen.

Bonkers.
Well,unless i crashed in the Andes on top of an ice covered mountain then i'd eat everyone.

Alive.

What do you want it changed TO, that one aspect? Threads left open? Comments not deleted?
I don't get what you want to happen in these future extreme threads.

I don't know about naive OP, but you do seem to lack perspective.

If I had a friend destined for the cooking pot, the ins and outs of MNHQ would not be my primary focus.

Hardly any one agrees with you on this thread, so what does that teach you?

amillion

To clarify, out of your options... I intend to talk to MNHQ.

I just want to get my head together here first, so that I present them with something well-reasoned and thought out.

You're not going to get Mumsnet to change. As we're fond of saying on the Relationships board... 'the only thing you can reliably change is yourself'. So next time you have something extreme to get an opinion on, learn from this experience, and post it on this board or something else similar once you've had a look at the typical responses and judged whether it's appropriate ... not AIBU.

While you are here,and while posters are being restrained and reasonable, have you got other extreme issues to get off your chest.

I think the general consensus is...

Fish fingers are ok

Human fingers not so ok.

Personally I think MN should have pulled that thread. It was vile - not the responses which I didn't read, but the subject matter. There has to be a line somewhere.

It was disturbing and made me feel physically sick. I'm glad people shut it down.

Ok, just to let you know.

The majority opinion is that canibalism is seriously wrong.

Any other issues you genuinely don't understand?

Like what though amillion? How more extreme that Extreme People Snacking can you get?

There's a difference between being silenced and feeling silenced and no organisation has to change the way it does things in order for your feelings to be made different. You have to try to deal with your feelings yourself. They are not the responsibility of other people or of an organisation.

Halfway, I think you have to accept that on the whole, Mumsnetters don't want to talk about "extreme issues" and that this is really not the place for it. If you try to force them to, you will get the same reaction

You were advised nicely to try some more appropriate places for the nature of the conversations you wanted

Don't forget at the end of the day, MN is a parenting website and although not child-friendly in one way is certainly family friendly. Musing on the whys and wherefores of why someone may wish to carve chunks off another person and eat them is not a subject suitable for a parent-friendly website (when there are alternatives available)

SuePurbly Thats the part I'm actually trying to figure out.

What change could be constructive, without altering the ability of people to post what they like, whilst still creating a space where people like me can at least talk and not be derailed/locked due to sustained mocking?

Maybe comments should be deleted and entirely deleted, rather than leaving that little blurb that says they were once there, so that they do not take up white space? Maybe there should be some kind of 'panic' button to get quicker action from Mumsnet when a mocking campaign is becoming seriously distressing.

Obiwan I've done what I can regarding my friend. Theres not much else I can do. What happened to me yesterday was incredibly painful, and I recognised the danger it poses to other people like me. Thats something worth actioning in my opinon.

HappyHalloween I don't want to force people to talk about anyone they don't want to. Thats what the hide button is for.

I just don't want to be forced not to talk about my very real issues.

that should have been: "talk to anyone, or about anything"

Danger??? What danger does it pose exactly?

I agree Narked. In absolutely no possible way was the subject matter the stuff of a parenting forum. It was sickening, wrong, and was upsetting other posters, posters were posting on there that it was upsetting them, and it wasn't helped by the fact that there was no warning in the title.

It's not right or normal to post threads about carving little pieces off other people and eating them. If you can't see that, then I don't honestly see how we can help you to understand that.

What about the 'people like you' reading the disturbing shit you were posting?

You seem to think I wanted to discuss the whys and wherefores of cannibalism.

I really didn't. I wanted to know what people thought I should do about the situation, and whether or not I was being overly judgemental, or it really was terrible.

They told me it was terrible, and I accepted that. They told me what to do (police, etc.) and I did it.

I think locking threads is constructive.

It is a way of saying "hang on a second, this is bananas, let's all take a deep breath".

The op can go and start a more sensible thread elsewhere.

Anyone who wants to can hide it. And everyone else can have a good look at it, stopping threads about threads appearing all over the board.

mnhq can work out whether to delete it or not.

It stops "deliberate derailing in order to get it deleted", which is what has happened in the past.

So you got your answer and then the thread went a bit askew.... I fail therefore to see the problem.

I asked MNHQ myself for the title to be changed once I realised it was upsetting people (I didn't want that to happen).

Narked What about them? I'd hope they'd realise they had a place to come if they were having problems that felt out of their depth, and that they could receive some constructive advice.

For the life of me I cannot understand why anyone would feel the need to check with an anonymous internet forum as to whether it would be ok for a friend to have her boyfriend eat parts of her.
That said I do not know why you have started another thread about it. You said you spent most of yesterday ktears about it and you, yourself upset many people on here with the content.
I would suggest mumsnet is not the place for your extreme issues.

In whos world would it ever be ok to eat people?