Concerned about attempted silencing/derailing of issues (via hunting/mocking)

[Halfway]

I posted a thread in AIBU yesterday (perhaps foolishly), which thankfully did turn out to be very helpful, but also turned out to be extremely hurtful. And while overall, I gained a great deal of benefit/clarity/insight from it, I also spent a great deal of the day in tears and/or raging, and feeling generally crap about myself.

The post was about a friend, which led a lot of people to think I musn't be that emotionally invested, because it wasn't about me.

However, I was emotionally invested because I felt like I was watching my friend potentially walk into a very, very dangerous situation (which could end up in her hurt or even dead), and worse, I had the realisation that I could not stop her, but could only try to, and may very well fail.

In the context of that worry, these are the specific things I am complaining about:

a) sustained piss-taking/mocking (which not only humiliate/hurt me, but distracted and derailed the thread, with others jumping on board)

b) failure/refusal to stop the piss-taking/mocking when asked nicely to, and despite my making it clear that I was finding it painful

LET ME MAKE IT VERY CLEAR - I have nothing against genuine concerns, disagreements, and even disbelief of my thread, or specifics in my posts if these things are stated outright (not passive-aggressively buried in in-jokes), and if the posters simply make their position clear and report to MNHQ.

There is a valid need for this kind of watchdog activity, and I am in no way trying to stop that.

But the mocking, especially the sustained mocking by some posters, and 'ha ha' twisting of my dilemma into a funny joke conversation... well that hurt. That really hurt. And I've been seriously hurt in the past (raped, beaten to broken bones), so am no hand-wringing wallflower. It was triggering.

I think that behaviour is wrong, and I think it is going to hurt a lot more people other than me. Perhaps it is already hurting people who have severe issues of their own, and feel they cannot post because they will be laughed at.

Anyway, I'm concerned about it, deeply concerned, and still a bit disturbed myself (although much emotionally cooler).

I'm also not sure how this fits into "Relationships", so apologies if it seems weird here, but I seem to be inviting more suspicion by posting in AIBU, so here it is, and I'm grateful to anyone willing to listen.

But why on earth didn't you accept the advice before it got all derail-y

Instead of saying "I hear you, I have told my friend that he is nuts, I have shown her this thread, that's great thanks", you continued to drip-feed more and more peculiar detail, ultimately claiming that the reason you were so upset by the thread wasn't that your friend was going to be eaten alive, but because you had been abused when you were younger.

You can't really expect people to think "oh, ok, she was abused, therefore to her canibalism seems normal so we shouldn't tell her not to get involved with it".

Surely you get why your thread was derailed (and locked, which is what they are now doing with all bonkers threads which may or may not be what they seem).

imo, your best bet is to
speak to MNHQ
restart a new thread,after having talked to MNHQ so they can keep a close watch
and/or try netmums

MNHQ seemed to have silenced the thread,not silenced you.
There is a difference.

Freedom of Speech means that people can say nasty things however vile they may be.

I think HQ do a good job of keeping things reined in.

You will change nothing with your moral crusade and quite frankly you do appear a little dense.

With that I'm off here, take care OP.

I posted it there because I have a default action I take now when I become overwhelmed.

In my mind, that default action sounds something like this: "Quick, get as much healthy feedback as possible. This is too big for you."

That led me to think I should post on Mumsnet.

In my head, I did wonder if I was being unreasonable. That led me to post in AIBU.

I felt robust enough to handle harsh comments (and I can). I didn't expect to be mocked to the point the thread almost became derailed, and has now become locked.

More than that. Now that I have seen it happen, I find it disgusting, and I am going to speak out about it.

Perhaps they hoped you'd start a more low-key thread in an appropriate section asking for advice?
I'm not sure they hoped you'd start a one woman campaign to - what is it you want again?

I wouldn't see "locked" as "silenced" - OP wasn't prevented from posting at any point, nor has the thread been deleted in its entirety; and the deletions are not so numerous as to make it unreadable or non-sensical.

I haven't seen a locked thread before; is a transfer to and continuation in a new thread, such as this one, the norm?

And I realise you said you would call the police, but the thread had already taken off by then,

As you must have known it would if you are in any way a regular on here.

You genuinely did wonder if it was unreasonable to not want to be eaten alive?
OK then.

I think your friend is more stupid and naive to get involved with that joker.

MaryZ I was engaging with the advice, and sharing my thought processes as I did so. I wasn't able to jump instantly to a conclusion about what I should do... it took a bit of time to think everything through, and take all the feedback on board.

I was upset because of my fear for my friend. People told me I seemed way over-the-top extremely upset. I then tried to explain that that part might be due to my past.

I get why the thread was derailed and locked. I think its wrong, and I think theres something that can be done about it.

Like I said, I'm getting feedback, and trying to constructively think about the problem, and I then intend to post MNHQ with it. In the mean time, I will also try to get this moved to 'Site Issues' if that is a better place for it.

And how on earth could you think it was in any way reasonable.

And mumsnet asked would you like it moved to relationships way earlier, and you didn't move it for ages.

It's mad to call derailers disgusting, when your original posts were, quite frankly, weird.

I am truly sorry you were hurt and upset Halfway. People tend to make fun of a situation without thinking of the individual, especially on this type of forum where it is not RL and we can't look each other in the eye.

That said, I love being on MN for its honesty, rawness, immediacy and humour and that's a difficult beast to handle. MN and its rules do it well in my opinion and I don't want it to change.

I got a deserved roasting on a DLA thread recently. I felt a bit of a twat for a while, wished it would all go away, but I'm glad it didn't. On reflection I learned a lot that day - about disability, DLA, how I lost out by having fixed opinions, about MN and my approach to MN............that's what it's all here for isn't it?

With respect Halfway, I think you know,and may have already said yourself, that you can be naive.
I can be naive myself sometimes.
But if, as you say,you have lurked and posted on here for many months,you must have seen what AIBU is like?

You now know for the future, I hope, that if you choose to stay on MN,and if you choose to post in AIBU,that the end result [particularly with an extreme thread like yours was],can be exactly how it turned out.

scarevola I feel silenced, not overall, but silenced from being able to talk about extreme issues.

Because if one extreme issue gets derailed and locked, then next time I want to post about an extreme issue, the same thing is likely to happen.

I want that to change.

So don't post it on AIBU then.

Ok, you say you were sharing thought processes.

In my opinion any thought process that thinks that cutting bits of flesh of live people and eating it could possibly be reasonable is no unlikely that it was very hard to believe that you believed anything you were saying.

Which is why I reported and hid your thread, as we are told to.

I don't understand why you would start another one.

Jakers, how many extreme issues are there left?
I thought MN was pretty tolerant of extreme views.

You weren't mocked to the point the thread almost became derailed. At no point did any of the mocking get vicious or out of hand. For AIBU, that thread actually stayed pretty tame, I've seen far, far worse for far less controversial subjects.

There were jokes made about the subject. What on earth did you expect, posting a thread like that in AIBU? You were offered the chance to have it moved to Relationships. You ignored that offer. Others posted that it should be moved, that was ignored. You were given good advice. You ignored it and carried on posting.

As far as I can see, the only posts you really responded to were the piss taking ones. And quite frankly, if you're going to go on a general forum for parents, asking if it's ok to snack on other people, you are going to get the piss ripped out of you.

WTF did you expect?

Eating human flesh is hardly an everyday experience for most people and really not very healthy for the person being eaten.

"quick,get as much healthy feedback as possible.This is too big for you"

Unless you count biting my fingernails...and i don't swallow either.

x-posted.

So you want to be able to discuss the pros and cons of canibalism? Really?

Shall we discuss how to murder people as well?

How extreme a subject would you like to discuss?

I do know amillion. I do not accept that end result (having a thread mocked into derailment and locking). I'm going to try to compile something constructive to take to MNHQ to try and get that one aspect changed.

MaryZ I don't know how many times I can say it, but you are right. I am desperately naive in some ways (mostly social), which is why Mumsnet is so valuable to me, because it kind of teaches me how people behave, and how to fit in, in a way that is more relatable.

I wouldnt bother with "site issues" now.
This thread is long enough and enough posters have come on to give you a flavour of what MNetters think.

Can you get any more extreme than cannibalism?

MaryZ I don't want to discuss the pros and cons. I want to know what the majority opinion is.

If the majority opinion is that the whole thing is terrible, that I should call the police, and have nothing to do with it. Then that is what I will do, and is what I did.

It may seem obvious to you that that is what I should have done in that instant. But it wasn't obvious to me. Call that stupid and naive (because it very probably is), but that was my problem. Thats why people like me need places like Mumsnet, to teach us when for whatever reason our past/childhood/life thus far hasn't done.

amillion I'm taking it all on board.