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Is this too creepy to tolerate? [WARNING: extreme subject matter]

447 replies

Halfway · 29/10/2012 08:39

I'm posting on behalf of my best friend (for real, she is sat beside me but is not familiar with Mumsnet).

She has recently begun dating a new guy (for a couple months), whom she has known for over ten years as a friend, albeit mostly long distance as he works and lives long periods abroad. He is also Chinese (only relevant because I am genuinely unsure as to whether there are any cultural differences that might make his confession less bizarre than it sounds to me).

He has confessed to her that his ultimate fantasy about intimacy involves eating someone (albeit only ever with their consent).

He says he has never actually eaten part of anyone, but fantasizes about finding someone who would consent to giving him small pieces of flesh (that would not overly harm the person), that he could cook and perhaps even share with them.

Now, she tells me all this in a very relaxed (almost flippant) way, and I can't help but sit here and inwardly think !!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

She tells me that in her opinion it is no worse than people who fantasize about whipping/strangling each other, and that although it is freaky, the important thing is that he has no wish to do anything without someone else's wholehearted participation.

So now I am uncertain as to whether I really am being a bit intolerant (and judgemental), or if there is something about this particular fantasy that is just too dangerous (and creepy) to tolerate.

Mumsnet jury opinions needed! Many thanks.

OP posts:
Gunznroses · 29/10/2012 09:17

Fryone - yes i see your point, good to have log!

Halfway · 29/10/2012 09:17

She wants to know if everyone would feel the same if it was only drinking blood he was talking about (because the vampirism fetish/scene is alive and well, with lots of people consensually participating).

OP posts:
TheCunningStunt · 29/10/2012 09:18

So if she consents and it starts small, does she think this will be enough for him? He wants to eat flesh, not tiny bits of skin...fantasies like this stem from somewhere not stable. By allowing it to become "ok" will make it escalate. His view of Normal is skewed already but he knows society will think he is weird, and quite rightly. But if you open the gates the floodwaters will follow.

I am all for adults indulging in consensual play, be it whips, blood, needles or whatever your kink may be. But slicing off flesh is macabre, not sexual!

susiedaisy · 29/10/2012 09:19

Is there a thriving cutting people up and eating them scene??

Thought not!!

Catsmamma · 29/10/2012 09:19

maybe we can help? I can send my foot gratings??

EdsRedeemingQualities · 29/10/2012 09:20

Look if she's into it and wants to do it, who are we to judge?

I wouldn't like it but I'm not her.

I don't see the point of this really.

SlightlySuperiorPeasant · 29/10/2012 09:20

Shock That is beyond creepy. I would be seriously scared, end the relationship, change my phone number and change the locks until I could move home. And yes I would be at the police station taking advice on personal safety too. Really, this is the kind of situation where people end up dead.

EdsRedeemingQualities · 29/10/2012 09:21

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ZiggyPlayedGuitar · 29/10/2012 09:22

Ooh good idea Catsmamma! My heels need a good ped egging, I'd be happy to send the shavings on to a loving home Grin

thornrose · 29/10/2012 09:22

I think she's made up her mind already.

Halfway · 29/10/2012 09:22

I've got to admit, while I feel disturbed about the idea myself (knee-jerk very disturbed), I'm not exactly sure why its intrinsically not ok, unless it really did escalate and/or became without her consent.

However, neither of those things have happened, and I'm not sure how strongly I can take a stand against supporting her unless there was at least some sign of those things happening.

OP posts:
ZiggyPlayedGuitar · 29/10/2012 09:23

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FryOneGhoulishGhostlyManic · 29/10/2012 09:24

The vampire scene is alive and well, but actually drinking of blood is still rare enough. I still think your friend's boundaries are skewed, perhaps explaining her previoous relationships and why she seems willing to even contemplate this one.

This is such a distubing fantasy I can't see it ending well at all.

InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream · 29/10/2012 09:24

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OnwardBound · 29/10/2012 09:25

Gunznroses I imagine that you could report this mans fantasies to the police. They may not be able to do anything at this point but I feel they may want to log this information for their records somewhere?

Isn't that how serial killers are eventually caught, apparently random information from concerned members of the public are ultimately pieced together and made meaningful?

OP, your friend and you both don't really know if this man has already indulged his fantasies at some time or another. He may have already been involved in illegal activity, he may already have harmed somebody somewhere, you just don't know.

I think the police would be interested. This is quite a disturbing and dangerous fantasy to have. It is not akin to a bit of S & M roleplay between consenting adults. This is desiring a willing participant to actively cut and maim [although he says he is happy to start with fingernail clippings Hmm]

I am really worried for your friend OP. I hope this is not a wind up. If not, please take all the horrified comments here seriously!

Binkyridesagain · 29/10/2012 09:25

Wine anyone? It's chianti Grin

susiedaisy · 29/10/2012 09:25

How is it not going to escalate? again I ask you what part of the body does your friend think she can have cut off of her without a great deal of pain distress and risk of infection!!! Apart from dead skin that is!

Halfway · 29/10/2012 09:25

Fair enough EdsRedeemingQualities, but I can only promise you thats not the case. Its a genuine uncertainty on my part (which I felt would benefit from wider opinions), but thanks for your feedback thus far.

OP posts:
GhostofMammaTJ · 29/10/2012 09:25

I think that it can only lead to bad things. If she goes ahead with it, the very best is a resurrection of her self harming, but with the 'bonus?' of her feeding him the bits she cuts off.

She needs to be single and get herself in a better place.

EdsRedeemingQualities · 29/10/2012 09:26

No it's alright - sorry if I am wrong. I probably am. It just seems like a topical subject.

All the best.

FryOneGhoulishGhostlyManic · 29/10/2012 09:27

OP, get your friend to take a look at the relationship board. While I'm mentioning DV, the grooming to accept abuse and escalation of all sorts of abuse is all too real.

I feel your friend, being a vulnerable person, would not see the reality of the situation until it's possibly too late.

The ladies on that board can offer advice and support to help your friend 're-set' her boundaries and be able to have future healthy relationships.

CrackerJackShack · 29/10/2012 09:28

I was under the impression that most of this "vampire" stuff was full of crap. That they mostly drink tomato juice. However, there have been cases of people taking it to the point of murder. Just as there has been S&M. Not to mention the risk of disease associated with drinking others blood/eating flesh.

With all sexual fantasies/desires you have to look at the deeper psychological reasons behind them. S&M is about control, wanting to be treated like a baby is about mommy issues. Vampire stuff is about control and the desire to escape reality. What psychological underpinnings could there be to want to eat someone?

Please tell her to look up Jeffery Dhamer, Albert Fish and Armin Meiwes.

Halfway · 29/10/2012 09:28

Well, I'm going to side with the majority view here anyway (as my gut feeling agrees).

I'll tell her as much, and I guess all I can do is keep a very close eye on her and get her to let me know where/when she's with this guy.

I think in truth she likes the taboo-ness of it, and perhaps it does play on her own self-harming tendencies a bit. I think I'll talk to her about how much she really wants to be encouraged down that road again (she's not self-harmed now for years).

OP posts:
EmpressOfTheSevenScreams · 29/10/2012 09:29

I used to cut. I had a hell of a time stopping. Anyone who encouraged me to take it up again would be out of my life FAST.

YouOldSlag · 29/10/2012 09:30

it's unanimous. Get out now. He is grooming her into thinking it was her idea to help him. He has planted the idea. She is thinking about it in order to please him. After that it's just a matter of degrees.

Please tell her to end this. There are other men in the world who are worthy of her and do not want to do this. Please tell her to find one.