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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Is this too creepy to tolerate? [WARNING: extreme subject matter]

447 replies

Halfway · 29/10/2012 08:39

I'm posting on behalf of my best friend (for real, she is sat beside me but is not familiar with Mumsnet).

She has recently begun dating a new guy (for a couple months), whom she has known for over ten years as a friend, albeit mostly long distance as he works and lives long periods abroad. He is also Chinese (only relevant because I am genuinely unsure as to whether there are any cultural differences that might make his confession less bizarre than it sounds to me).

He has confessed to her that his ultimate fantasy about intimacy involves eating someone (albeit only ever with their consent).

He says he has never actually eaten part of anyone, but fantasizes about finding someone who would consent to giving him small pieces of flesh (that would not overly harm the person), that he could cook and perhaps even share with them.

Now, she tells me all this in a very relaxed (almost flippant) way, and I can't help but sit here and inwardly think !!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

She tells me that in her opinion it is no worse than people who fantasize about whipping/strangling each other, and that although it is freaky, the important thing is that he has no wish to do anything without someone else's wholehearted participation.

So now I am uncertain as to whether I really am being a bit intolerant (and judgemental), or if there is something about this particular fantasy that is just too dangerous (and creepy) to tolerate.

Mumsnet jury opinions needed! Many thanks.

OP posts:
Moominsarescary · 30/10/2012 01:15

Well it's not a new poster or nc, not that that means much as some trolls take time drawing people in, however I don't see that from any of the other posts and mn obviously froze the thread to check out the ops posting history and haven't found anything themselves.

I'm quite surprised that people don't believe that this sort of thing goes on.

aufaniae · 30/10/2012 01:34

Scarah "I'll leave you to it auf. I've seen you pull the bullying card so many times now, it's like you actively hunt out threads so you can call it."

Doing a search on my own name shows I've called bully on one other thread and also told one other I was reporting then for troll hunting. And I've been posting under this name for a few months. That's hardly actively seeking out threads to call bully us it?!

You're just making stuff up now. Do you believe your own bullshit I wonder?

ScarahStratton · 30/10/2012 01:37

I don't know why you're still banging on at me, I already agreed with you ages ago that mocking isn't on. But you say I'm arrogant for thinking I'm right, well I find it equally arrogant of you to sweep in and accuse people of bullying purely because they're disagreeing with the OP, and the OP doesn't like it.

This thread has upset other posters, they have commented further back. And this is AIBU. The OP professes to being a long term poster who has had numerous nn. This thread should have been either moved to somewhere more suitable, like Relationships, or deleted. This is not the right place for a thread or an OP who are as sensitive as this. It's been reported many, many times, there has been ample opportunity to move it, it is ridiculous that it is still in AIBU, which is probably the worst place it could be. The fact that it is in AIBU is one of the reasons I don't think it is quite what it appears to be, but as has been said earlier, I've reported it, it's been looked at, and it's not my decision.

It is, however, my right to have an opinion on it, and to express it. And I would remind you that that is all I have done. I have not mocked the OP. although I am amazed that a long term poster saw fit to post something of this nature, on this topic, and not expect some robust replies.

And now I really do have to go to bed, otherwise I will sleep through my alarm again.

Strawhatpirate · 30/10/2012 01:40

Personaly I believe the OP but I really hope this thread gets deleted soon because its starting to infect other threads.

aufaniae · 30/10/2012 01:42

No apology for making stuff up about me then?

ScarahStratton · 30/10/2012 01:42

No auf. That is on the threads that remain. Threads like that tend to get deleted.

ScarahStratton · 30/10/2012 01:44

Why should I? You've called me a bully and a bullshitter. You can whine all you like about apologies, you won't get one from me unless I feel you deserve one.

aufaniae · 30/10/2012 01:46

Hilarious! So you really do believe your own bullshit!

I have been on very few threads which have actually been deleted. I remember them because it's annoying when they go poof!

I think we've found the fantasist on this thread and I'm not looking at the OP!

ScarahStratton · 30/10/2012 01:51

Hmmm and now your posts smack of bullying rather more than mine. And yes, I have seen you call bully before. Just because you don't like being told that doesn't make it untrue. And frankly I can't see why you're upset about it, considering you said further back that you always call it if you see it. You can't have it both ways.

I haven't bullied the OP. I haven't bullied anyone on here. For some reason you seem to feel that I have, and not only do you think it's ok to accuse me of that, you also seem to think its ok to call me a bullshitter and a fantasist.

You would do well to practice what you preach.

aufaniae · 30/10/2012 02:06

Scarab, I'm calling you a fantasist as you're making shit up about me. I think it's quite funny that I've caught you out doing this but you still won't admit you could possibly be wrong.

FWIW upthread you posted minimising the bullies' behaviour, and directed it at me, saying it wasn't bullying. That's the reason I'm talking to you about it. I have no idea if you did get involved with it or not, I haven't looked.

aufaniae · 30/10/2012 02:11

I'm aware that i'm getting side-tracked now!

If any of the troll hunters read this tomorrow, this is the bit I really would like answered as it's this I just can't get my head around:

Are you happy that this kind of pisstaking does sometimes get meted out to genuinely vulnerable people, when you lot get it wrong? Is it OK to crush a vulnerable person because they posted in AIBU?
Or are you really arrogant enough to think you're never wrong?

ScarahStratton · 30/10/2012 02:16

Might be an idea to read the thread before you start throwing accusations around. Particularly as I specifically said that I didn't support those mocking the OP.

And no, you haven't caught me out on anything. You have stated yourself that you will always call bully if you see it happening. You said that, not me. I've seen you do that, and I've stated that. I really fail to see precisely what your problem is, aside from sailing dangerously close to getting personal now.

I am going to sleep now. Goodnight.

PumpkinJack · 30/10/2012 04:39

MN at its worst. Why are people so scared of being victims of trolling they'd rather risk mocking and goading a very vulnerable person asking for help and advice? Is your MN pride that enormous and delicate? Pathetic.

I believe the op. If i tured out to be wrong I wouldnt feel ashamed or embarrassed. Mildly irritated maybe. If some of you turned out to be wrong...

SomersetONeil · 30/10/2012 05:38

I can't believe this thread has got to over 400 posts without SGB coming on and telling everyone off for being so tediously mundane... [hhmm]

OP - I really don't think AIBU is the place for you right now. I'm glad though, that you're going to try to dissuade your friend from this man and this situation. You know it's the right thing to do.

  1. Cannibalism is probably best not practiced by people not in a Good Place.
  1. People in a good place will almost certainly not even want to practice it anyway.

So either way - it's not looking like a good option, right?

musicalendorphins · 30/10/2012 05:55

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murder_of_Tim_McLean
Eating people is very twisted and bad.

Your friend has a dangerous bf, but she must have a problem if she can't see that.
Most people would have cut contact with him after he told her this.

musicalendorphins · 30/10/2012 05:57

I wouldn't let your friend near my baby of I were you. She has no concept of right and wrong.

MrsKeithRichards · 30/10/2012 06:15

Wow.

You know, just because no one is stopping you acting like a bitch doesn't mean you are obliged to do so. There's some pretty shameful behaviour on here, some from posters I actually had a bit of respect for.

Op hide this thread, let the bitches run in into the ground with their ever so funny pun and innuendo. Don't rise. Don't feed the trolls (because their the only ones displaying troll like behaviour). Take care of yourself and whilst I don't believe posting in aibu gives people the green light to be vile, some people quite obviously do.

Hyperballad · 30/10/2012 06:34

Well I'm well and truly freaked out! I believe your post op. I'm very scared for your friend, I hope you can make her see sense.

Ps: well done for your amazing turnaround like that, you are a true survivor.

brrbrrwinteriscoming · 30/10/2012 07:22

i am the most sexually liberal person i know, but i also know from experiance that it is totally natural to constantly push the boundaries.

my DH and i started out dogging, we now swing and have swapped- something we said we would never do! We enjoyed this and so now our boundaries have changed- we want to push them further.

that would be my fear with your friends dp. what happens when he gets SO turned on by eating a bit of your friend? it never happens again? or more likely, it happens more and more and his demands get worse and worse?

RubyCreakingGates · 30/10/2012 07:25

Should this not be moved somewhere else?
If it is what it purports to be then it should NOT be in AIBU where it will unsurprisingly continue to attract the kind of replies that AIBU always does.

If MNHQ believe it to be genuine why is it still in AIBU, when usually delicate topics are moved to somewhere more suitable: mental health/ relationships?

HappyHalloweenMotherFucker · 30/10/2012 09:23

HQ offered upthread to move the thread to Relationships but got no reply from the OP (not surprisingly). Perhaps they shouldn't wait for permission, and just do it ?

RebeccaMumsnet · 30/10/2012 09:38

Hi all,

We have moved this to relationships now and have decided to lock the thread now following a gazillion reports overnight.

We have no reason to suspect the OP is anything other than she claims to be as we said up thread but if folks continue to troll hunt and derail the thread it makes the discussion nonsensical because of all of the deletions.

We are locking this thread to remove any troll hunting and make a decision whether or not to leave it to stand.

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