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See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Is this too creepy to tolerate? [WARNING: extreme subject matter]

447 replies

Halfway · 29/10/2012 08:39

I'm posting on behalf of my best friend (for real, she is sat beside me but is not familiar with Mumsnet).

She has recently begun dating a new guy (for a couple months), whom she has known for over ten years as a friend, albeit mostly long distance as he works and lives long periods abroad. He is also Chinese (only relevant because I am genuinely unsure as to whether there are any cultural differences that might make his confession less bizarre than it sounds to me).

He has confessed to her that his ultimate fantasy about intimacy involves eating someone (albeit only ever with their consent).

He says he has never actually eaten part of anyone, but fantasizes about finding someone who would consent to giving him small pieces of flesh (that would not overly harm the person), that he could cook and perhaps even share with them.

Now, she tells me all this in a very relaxed (almost flippant) way, and I can't help but sit here and inwardly think !!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

She tells me that in her opinion it is no worse than people who fantasize about whipping/strangling each other, and that although it is freaky, the important thing is that he has no wish to do anything without someone else's wholehearted participation.

So now I am uncertain as to whether I really am being a bit intolerant (and judgemental), or if there is something about this particular fantasy that is just too dangerous (and creepy) to tolerate.

Mumsnet jury opinions needed! Many thanks.

OP posts:
SoleSource · 30/10/2012 00:03

Washed down with a nice chianti.

Ruuuuuun

EmpressOfTheSevenScreams · 30/10/2012 00:04

This thread just needs to go now.

ScrambledSmegsEvilTwin · 30/10/2012 00:05

I don't think OP is a troll. I think people want her to be one, as stuff like this is thankfully way out of the scope of our everyday lives. And let's face it, it would make the jokes funnier if she was some kid on half term.

I have known vulnerable or naive people get involved in very odd stuff. Rationalise it in their heads, normalise it even. When I was a lot younger I even supported their choices in a misguided attempt to be cool and open-minded Hmm. In the end the only thing I could do was walk away. I can see why the OP, with her history and blurred boundaries, felt she couldn't trust her own instincts and so asked a bunch of people on a forum. Although AIBU really wouldn't have been my first choice.

She's managed to gain the courage of her convictions. She's said she's contacted police. She's decided to take a very firm stance about him with her friend. She's listened and taken on board a lot of opinions and advice. I'm glad this thread has had a positive outcome, before the descent into the maelstrom.

HappyHalloweenMotherFucker · 30/10/2012 00:23

Please just stop the cruel comments now everybody. Not big and not clever. If you think it is shit, go play somewhere else.

Even if it's all bollocks, this Op is vulnerable. I've made my fair share of nasty jibes on MN, but keeping it going in the face of a distressed individual is beyond the pale. Say your piece and go, or report.

EmpressOfTheSevenScreams · 30/10/2012 00:25

What MotherFucker said. This is going the way of the Swimbabies thread & that was a right disaster.

HappyHalloweenMotherFucker · 30/10/2012 00:28

FWIW, any nasty comments I have made in the past have been made to someone who can clearly give as good as they get. This one isn't in a position to, no matter what the reality of the original post.

ScarahStratton · 30/10/2012 00:31

The behaviour on this thread is truly disgusting. The troll hunters are bullies, plain and simple.

No, aufanaie. Disagreeing with someone is not bullying them. Disbelieving someone is not bullying them. This is AIBU, it is supposed to be a place where others are allowed to have an opinion, and to voice it. Posters bleating about bullying and troll hunting every time other posters disagree are doing a disservice to those who genuinely are bullied online.

If someone comes on, and posts a pretty unbelievable thread, about something that sounds like it comes straight out of a third rate crime novel, there are naturally going to be people who don't believe them. And they should be allowed to disagree, and disbelieve, because if they didn't we would all be sitting here getting suckered in by all the past trolls who have turned out to actually be trolls.

There is nothing wrong with being wary. There is nothing wrong with disbelieving, or disagreeing. It does not make someone a bully to feel that way. If a thread has been reported over, and over again, and posters are talking about it off board and are suspicious, there is usually a very good reason for it.

The fact that threads stand is not necessarily because they are genuine, it is because there is no concrete evidence to prove that they aren't genuine. It's virtually impossible to tell, given how easy it is to change IP addresses, and hide details these days.

I am astounded that this thread is still here. I am allowed to have, and voice that opinion, and if I'm not then Mumsnet has changed, and not for the better.

Brycie · 30/10/2012 00:35

Is this somebody fantasising and using the thread to get off on it? How can that be allowed?

EmpressOfTheSevenScreams · 30/10/2012 00:41

Disagreement and disbelief, absolutely fine. Argument, no problem. (I used Justine's YPMYSLAAAHW on a thread the other day, because the poster did sound like an arse so it was in context). Plus that OP could & did give as good as she got.

But this one's being laughed at and getting increasingly wound up and upset. And she's not asking for anything from anyone except advice as far as I can see. So why not just ignore the thread, or talk about it somewhere else?

Nancy66 · 30/10/2012 00:44

This reply has been deleted

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WorraLiberty · 30/10/2012 00:44

ScarahStratton Well said.

The OP seemed to get more out of the naysayers than those who believed her anyway...or she was certainly quick to jump on the very mild joking at the start of the thread and make a meal out of it (scuse the pun!)

MN is not a private group...it's out there and open to everyone who wishes to post, and as a member who has 'many different nicknames' (her words) she will be well aware of that - not to mention the topic she chose to post in.

Moominsarescary · 30/10/2012 00:45

brycie how can it be someone fantasising and getting off on the thread? It's not as if people are coming forward and talking about their experiances with the local cannibal is it

ScarahStratton · 30/10/2012 00:47

Or pulling your strings. Which has been seen before, over and over. I understand fully why troll hunting isn't allowed, but disagreeing and disbelieving does need to be not only allowed, but listened to.

I agree that mocking is wrong, that's being cruel, but re reading this thread you can see a lot of manipulation going on, and if people are reporting, and reporting, and nothing is being done then you do get frustrated.

aufaniae · 30/10/2012 00:48

But people aren't just disagreeing, they're taking the piss, and after the OP has begged them not to.

That's bullying.

You do not know the OP is a troll. You are assuming.

So you think you know better than mumsnet (who have access to lots of data on posters we don't) and the serving police officer upthread who says she thinks this is for real?

You seem unable to distinguish between a hunch and reality. Or to admit you may have got it wrong this time.

And yes, this thread is full of bullying.

ScarahStratton · 30/10/2012 00:49

This reply has been deleted

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ThatVikRinA22 · 30/10/2012 00:50

do i need an iq test now then?

i have dealt with much, much stranger things than this. i am happy to give the benefit of a doubt. cant see what is to be gained from the public troll hunt in this instance.

halfway has posted many many times before and a search can show that.

report to hq if in doubt - if they are happy to let it stand then i would say rock on. whats the benefit in continuing to deride the op?

ive dealt with stuff like this before in rl, just because its out of your own realms of imagination doesnt make it untrue. sadly.

its immaterial whether people believe it or not, and i think could put people off asking about anything obscure or difficult to believe for fear of the piss taking.

my life story is a bit of a soap opera. but its true none the less.

NapOfTheDamned · 30/10/2012 00:50

I think it's real. I would rather be troll bait than cruel.

ScarahStratton · 30/10/2012 00:51

I'll leave you to it auf. I've seen you pull the bullying card so many times now, it's like you actively hunt out threads so you can call it.

Doubt this thread will be here in the morning, as someone else said earlier, not one of MNHQ's finest hours. Particularly when posters report it and simply get told not to troll hunt. Reporting isn't troll hunting, neither is disbelieving and saying so.

Night all.

aufaniae · 30/10/2012 00:53

Sarahscatton and what are the people taking the piss getting off on then?

aufaniae · 30/10/2012 00:55

(Their own misguided sense of self importance IMO, at the expense of a probably genuine poster who's asked for help.)

Moominsarescary · 30/10/2012 00:58

Agree with vicar it happens in rl, some people are like this.

As for getting off on shocking people or drawing them in, who cares really? It's not like the op is talking about something that other people are likely to have gone through so are opening up about their experiances, which is hurtful if the op turned out to be a troll.

Moominsarescary · 30/10/2012 01:01

Mn froze the tread and looked into it, why should they delete it just because some people don't believe it?

Brycie · 30/10/2012 01:03

I don't know, you never know with people do you. But someone said this person has been posting before so that seems to be an end of it anyway.

aufaniae · 30/10/2012 01:09

Bullying is a real problem on mumsnet IMO. But no I don't seek it out, why would I? Jesus trying to challenge all the bullies here would be a full time job!
But I'm not going to ignore it when I see it, here or in RL.

It's cruel.

I see plenty of posts here I think could be made up. I suspect many of the mundane ones even are lonely trolls, not only the outlandish ones. But I would never be so arrogant as to think I knew best on only a hunch and then start taking the piss out if the OP for my own entertainment. It's fucking ugly and people who do it deserve to be called on. You will end up really hurting someone in a vulnerable position one day, because your trolldar is not infallible.

Are you happy that this kind of pisstaking does sometimes get meted out to genuinely vulnerable people, when you lot get it wrong? Is it OK to crush a vulnerable person because they posted in AIBU?
Or are you really arrogant enough to think you're never wrong?

HappyHalloweenMotherFucker · 30/10/2012 01:15

I think the whole thread has been dodgy for various reasons, but the sustained mocking of the op has been uncomfortable to watch [hsad]