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Is this too creepy to tolerate? [WARNING: extreme subject matter]

447 replies

Halfway · 29/10/2012 08:39

I'm posting on behalf of my best friend (for real, she is sat beside me but is not familiar with Mumsnet).

She has recently begun dating a new guy (for a couple months), whom she has known for over ten years as a friend, albeit mostly long distance as he works and lives long periods abroad. He is also Chinese (only relevant because I am genuinely unsure as to whether there are any cultural differences that might make his confession less bizarre than it sounds to me).

He has confessed to her that his ultimate fantasy about intimacy involves eating someone (albeit only ever with their consent).

He says he has never actually eaten part of anyone, but fantasizes about finding someone who would consent to giving him small pieces of flesh (that would not overly harm the person), that he could cook and perhaps even share with them.

Now, she tells me all this in a very relaxed (almost flippant) way, and I can't help but sit here and inwardly think !!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

She tells me that in her opinion it is no worse than people who fantasize about whipping/strangling each other, and that although it is freaky, the important thing is that he has no wish to do anything without someone else's wholehearted participation.

So now I am uncertain as to whether I really am being a bit intolerant (and judgemental), or if there is something about this particular fantasy that is just too dangerous (and creepy) to tolerate.

Mumsnet jury opinions needed! Many thanks.

OP posts:
RubberNeckNibbler · 29/10/2012 09:01

Next time your friend needs her toenails clipping she could offer him to have a nibble Grin

Does she trust him with oral BTW?

RyleDup · 29/10/2012 09:01

I think you're right madamcasta. it sounds like he has picked her out as someone who wouldn't run screaming. Almost like grooming. Very worrying.

susiedaisy · 29/10/2012 09:02

This reply has been deleted

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MadamFollywillFreakyouout · 29/10/2012 09:03

She needs to LTB

EdsRedeemingQualities · 29/10/2012 09:03

Run fast. He's testing the water. He'll start trying to bite her or cut her or something, if she seems 'ok' with this little revelation.

Dangerous man.
Oh and this is the point at which all his other relationships have failed, I imagine.

Shakirasma · 29/10/2012 09:04

Given that she seems quite up for the whole concept of it herself, I would be very concerned about her, as well as him.

Don't accept any invites to dinner with them OP, you may find the table is only set for 2 IYSWIM.

VinegarTits · 29/10/2012 09:04

is his first name Hannibal?

FryOneGhoulishGhostlyManic · 29/10/2012 09:04

I get the very strong feeling that if she consented, it would definitely escalate. To want to taste human flesh, against some very strong society norms, is a very weird fantasy and I don't believe the chap would be satisfied with a little bit.

Once he's tasted her flesh, where would the line be drawn?

Fakebook · 29/10/2012 09:05

What a lovely thing to read about whilst having my breakfast. Envy < that is a sick face, not envious. I'm not envious about having a cannibal for a bf.

CrackerJackShack · 29/10/2012 09:05

Does she actually want to be eaten?? She brings up S&M, the deal with those is that it usually involves two (or more) people who enjoy it and consent to it and agree to use safe words etc. This is a bit more intense than that. This is like comparing a pedophile with a guy who wants his 48 year old wife to wear a school uniform for a bit of role play.

mamamibbo · 29/10/2012 09:07

its made me feel sick!

ring the police

Dozer · 29/10/2012 09:07

Eek.

Halfway · 29/10/2012 09:10

Apparently she is not against exploring the idea (her words). And she can see herself taking it far enough to actually cut off tiny pieces of surface skin. She has been a cutter in the past, and has told me before that she finds the idea of vampirism fascinating (people voluntarily drinking each other's blood), so this is honestly not so far off coming from her.

She says the most important thing is that he has no wish to do anything without her absolute willing participation, and that she is willing to consider indulging it in a small way with definite limits in place.

OP posts:
susiedaisy · 29/10/2012 09:11

Still a big NO from me but sounds like she going to anyway.

Binkyridesagain · 29/10/2012 09:12

I think both of them need to seek professional help.

I am soooooo glad I had yoghurt for breakfast

SugariceAndScary · 29/10/2012 09:13

Your friend has had issues of her own in the past and a relationship with this man is going to cause her massive harm mentally as well as physically.

If this is for real she needs to get away from him right now!

Gunznroses · 29/10/2012 09:14

If she rings the police what exactly are they supposed to do ? He hasnt done anything yet you cant be arrested for having a "silly conversation", thats how they would see it surely ?

FreakyFelixDaSouzArghh · 29/10/2012 09:14

I would say that is far from creepy- its actually fucking frighten

Halfway · 29/10/2012 09:14

By the way, I'm aware just how much this may sound as if its coming from me (using a friend as a proxy), and I can only promise you thats not the case.

I've had my share of weird/failed relationships, but have been happily married for some years now, to someone who is far more 'normal' than I am!

My friend (I'm just going to call her O), has always been a little freakier than I am (especially in the relationship dept.), but unfortunately hasn't been able to hold any of them down for any length of time. We've both beein putting our heads together as to why this is, which is why I ultimately advised her to be more tolerant of people, and why I'm feeling rather a bit desperately responsible for her current stance over this guy.

OP posts:
FreakyFelixDaSouzArghh · 29/10/2012 09:15

Frightening! I would be making a sharp exit. Cannibalism is not sexy.

OnwardBound · 29/10/2012 09:15

I agree with what others have said so far about it sounding as if he is grooming her and also that the situation would most likely escalate if she allowed his fantasies to free rein by consenting to his eating her fingernail clippings or whatever...

I mean, really how can your friend not run for the hills knowing her new fling is wanting to eat her fingernail clippings Confused

And isn't she worried that if this man kisses her he might find her plump juicy lips irresistable and BITE ONE OF THEM OFF!

Also I think your friend should report this man to the police, he sounds disturbed and potentially dangerous.

And your friend might want to seek some therapy to understand why it is that she is attracted to the idea of a man who is perverse and wants to cause her harm.

FryOneGhoulishGhostlyManic · 29/10/2012 09:15

If she rings the police and chats about it, they can log the information, in case of any future trouble. It's the same advice given to people suffering DV, to ring and log events, even if no action is taken at the time.

Gunznroses · 29/10/2012 09:15

And i'll get my baby away from her as well...........

VerySmallSqueak · 29/10/2012 09:16

Shit a brick.
I would run.
Very fast.

SparkyTGD · 29/10/2012 09:16

She needs to distance herself from this 'friend' immediately. You say she has been a cutter in the past, IMO, this is almost like another level of 'self-harm'.

Does she still have issues/self-harm related, did she ever have counselling? Because I suspect her self-worth is a bit low and she is feeling like 'who cares anyway?'

He is taking advantantage.