A male thread I'm afraid

[mrguavafish]

Hello - a bit of relationship advice is what I'm after.

I am 33 years old, been married for 8 years - two children (sons) - can't get into that ds thing sorry (which seems to be code for sons I've worked out) - but my marriage is in trouble.

My wife is quick to anger and slow to forgive, getting annoyed for what I perceive as small reasons and then stays silent for weeks on end. I am into another cycle of this silent treatment now (week 5) and I think I've had enough. She doesn't speak to me during these periods, doesn't answer my calls or texts and when I am at home will pass messages to me through the children - 'tell your father this' e.t.c. The cause of this most recent flareup seems to be money issues - she keeps on parking in a private car parking area and gets fined £130 each time. I only mentioned it, I didn't even get angry - I don't tend to anyway.

I am at my wits end as to how to end these episodes. I even went away to climb Kilimanjaro in the intervening time (a trip booked long in advance) and I both went away, sent messages from abroad, and returned without her responding to my efforts to communicate. My approaches are friendly.

For the first time I am beginning to feel that there is no hope for the relationship, as these episodes are increasing in length each time. Do any of you have any advice?

Last weekend was such a lovely family weekend - we all talked just like old times, went out to a children's party and saw a DVD. I realised I had to stick to my guns though and see it through. As if a mist was lifting really. Then she became very communicative indeed, horribly so. Threatening to move far away with the kids and saying all sorts of horrible things really. I actually wished she would go back to her silent ignoring phase.

I don't understand what happened here unless it was a case of MrG realising that this was too little too late/the ship of the marriage had sailed/the souffle couldn't be reheated/the magic had gone.

That is the problem with abusive relationships.

You have a nice weekend, but it doesn't really erase what happened before.
And her response to him still wanting a divorce is very telling.
It's when things don't go their way that the abusers reveal themselves, not the good times.
And threatening to take the children away is not on.

Sorry, what a crap situation. Haven't read other replies but have you tried writing to her?
It sounds weird but neither my husband or myself are great at confrontation. However, if something is upsetting us, we write to each other. It works for us and gets the ball rolling again.
Sulking seems such a waste of time and trying to talk to her doesn't seem to get you anywhere.
Also, I know you mentioned divorce but if you're not ready to go down that route, I'd be worried that once mentioned, she may go along with it thinking you want it and vice versa so no one benefits.