found out husband has been seeing 'escorts' and on seedy websites

[katiemummy2012]

Well I dont know where to start, I am just utterly heartbroken. I am a long time lurker here but havnt posted before but I have just found out the worst news of my life and have no one to turn to I am so embarrassed. I have been with DH altogether 8 years, married for 6 and have 2 DC aged 5 and 2

I have to admit, me and DH sex life has been pretty crap since our first child was born. I developed quite a few stretch marks due to the pregnancy aswell as gained a small bit of weight (but not loads!), along with the sleepless nights (DS1 was quite a cryer) I just never felt like sex and was physically and emotionally exhausted as a first time mum. DH was working a lot anyway and I presumed he too was tired and didnt want action. I have to begrudgingly admit that I did turn him down a few times because I was feeling so unsexy, but I was sure he would understand as I thought he loved me and its not as if we NEVER had it if you know what i mean. Anyway my DD was born just under 2 years ago and since then our sex life has got even worse.

I started to get suspicious about 3 months ago when I went to check something DH had apparently been looking at for DS's 5th birthday, on DH's laptop and the address bar showed a website address 'adultwork.com' (I will get to this bit later ) I didnt click the site but it said 'adult service....' before it flashed away and then I realised DH had just cleared the history. I thought I'd let it lie as I honestly didnt believe ever that DH would cheat, hes just not that type, a real sweet family man and never a 'jack the lad' kind of man if you get me. I definately would never have guessed DH to be the type to use a 'escort' service, but lo and behold, he has :(

Well it all came to a head yesterday when I picked up DH's phone for a snoop whilst he was on the toilet, he usually never leaves it about but he did this time so i took the opportunity, I know its wrong but I have got so suspicious and paranoid in the last fews months I just knew there was something up, I was just waiting to find it.

There was a txt on there saying 'Hi, its K from Adultwork, call me if you still want the appointment we arranged xxx' my heart just stopped and I knew there and then he has been cheating and contacting escorts. I txt her back pretending to be DH saying I couldnt call now but I do still want the appointment, just to see what she said. She txt back saying 'great babe had so much fun last time, 130pm @ my place it is then xx' - 130pm is when DH is on his dinner, and I wondered why DH hadnt been answering my calls and his phone had been off sometimes when I called him on his dinner

So this meant DH has been there before and has definately cheated. Lets just say that after I confronted him, he DID NOT go to his 'appointment' with this tart. I dont know what to do. I went onto the site and using the number and name checked this 'escort' out. She lives in the nearby town that DH works in (surprise surprise) I was totally shocked because rather than look like a drug addict or a heavily airbrushed model picture like i expected she was a really normal girl, had loads of home porn videos and pictures and was only 21 (DH is 40!) and sickeningly really pretty and slim :( she has like 100 reviews all saying how great in bed and how hot she is. I'm gutted because I bet one of them is from DH. My confidence is in tatters because I think how mumsy I've become and the stretch marks and weight I've now got since the kids. tear I have to stop myself from crying :'(

DH has been crying hard and said that I never have sex and wont give him a blow job so he got so frustrated he has had to go elsewhere, but that he loves me and wants us to stay together. I am infuriated with him, he has cheated on me, not to mention we have been struggling with mortgage repayments and have been struggling to get the money for DDs second birthday presents and party which is next week and this escort costs £120 an hour! So he can fork out for her but not for our DCs birthday or our family home, Im just so angry! He has also told me we cant have a 2013 family holiday because of money! But hes blowing money on sex with women half his age!

So sorry about the length of this post, I just dont know how to deal, I cant tell anyone about this because of DHs reputation. I dont want people thinking hes a sick perve. I dont want to leave him because I know I could have made more effort to have sex, and he wouldnt have had to seek out a younger woman to fulfill him. Please help how I can feel better about this, I dont want my beautiful DC to see me upset or ever find out about this, they adore their daddy :'(

newbiemomma, are you brain dead or summat?

'Women buy clothes and men buy sex'. Eh?? Really?

Any other pearls of wisdom you'd like to share with us newbiemomma?
I could do with another laugh.

If you are even remotely serious, you must know some utterly pathetic men.
Do you view your husband through such infantalising eyes?

Zombie thread?

Why does this keep happening? OP was back in October.

I smell the underneath of a bridge!!!!!!

1st ever

Please scuttle back under the bridge from where you came.

you are mysogynistic

Aimed at baron

Men are simple creatures

Fool!!!!!!

Oh pipe down you silly little squirt

Get tested for STDs

and dump this shit of a man.

Sorry, he is never going to get any better.

All his excuses will not negate what he has done to you and his DCs.

You are getting this the wrong way round, completely.

You feel insecure and inadequate, but the reality is that he is the one who is letting the side down.

Can you really respect someone who values his entitled dick above all else, and is happy to waste your family money shagging some exploited and probably previously abused young girl who looks like Barbie?

Wouldn't you rather be with a man who shares your values and appreciates the amazing experience of growing in a relationship with the mother of his child?

I'll be honest with you, I don't feel great about my body these days, but it doesn't stop me having a great sex life. Maybe I don't feel like prancing round in my scanties, or shagging under striplighting, but I know my partner loves me, and wants to make love to me, and for me to enjoy it.

My DP fancies people on tv like the historian Lucy Worsley, rather than Katie Price or Megan Fox. That's because he's a grown-up with something between his ears. Don't you deserve that?

He's letting YOU down by being an immature, selfish, shallow cunt. You are far too good for him- don't blame yourself: blame him.

Just read all of this thread. How awful. He tried to blame you too and I bet he genuinely believes he's entitled to a certain amount of sex, even if it's to the detriment of his family

Having a baby often does lead to a dip in the amount/quality of sex. Not always but more than I think we're lead to believe and actually, it's not surprising. You're knackered, your body has often become unrecognizable in some ways, you might feel less like it if your partner isn't pulling there weight too etc. Also, if he'd rather sleep with some skinny possibly damaged 21yr old rather than the woman his own age, who has carried 2 of his children then that just says a lot about him and not about the way you look.

I only have one DC but it's obvious when I'm naked. I am stretch marked from my the bottom of my legs to the top of my arms but it hasn't stopped me having a few BFs since I've been an LP. Some men just don't care, and some men even respect it! I just wanted to add that as you sound so down about your body in your posts when it really is nothing to be ashamed of or worry too much about. this is a great site for helping improve post-baby body confidence btw

You're doing so well already and I'm glad that even though you feel low about it all you're staying strong. If you think you feel bad now you can guarantee you'd feel like absolute crap if you took him back as you'd just be giving the message that it's ok & letting yourself be mistreated, because it will happen again.

^ and most men accommodate the fact that their partner, who has gone through quite a bit, might not feel very frisky for some time. It doesn't usually last forever and as long as it's discussed then it usually resolves itself once the kid(s) are older. Most men do not think 'poor me, my needs aren't being met, so I'll go elsewhere & it serves you right for not sleeping with me'

I'd bet my bottom dollar that he uses prostitutes for reasons other than lack of sex/not wanting to have an affair too, like a previous poster suggested. You don't get to that age and then just decide you have fuck all respect for women...

Zombie thread. ...

Gosh, so it is. Why do people do that?

^ That's more peeved than furious, btw.

Oh fuck it.

I didn't check. Again!

I've done that twice this week where people have resurrected the dead

Firstly can I say I feel for Katie but have to say reading through the whole thread that there is a lot more to this than meets the eye. Katie I know at the moment you are hurting really badly and he deservedly needs to suffer for what he's done but please sweetheart don't think that this is the end of the world because it's not.

Your man has a problem that's obvious but I speak to hundreds of men a daily basis that say and come out with the same excuses he did for their punting habits. I hear over and over again 'I wish my wife would have sex with me but she won't and I hate having to pay for it but I'm finding it impossible not to'. I'm not excusing them in any way, but trying to point out to you that a lot of men have far higher sex drives than women and for some of them it becomes a physical need, obsession, painful and so on if they don't get it.

This is not your problem it's his. You do have problems though and that's obvious from reading your post's. You need to stop worrying about him and start worrying about yourself. Work on that lack of self esteem. Stop thinking that he's seeking a younger prettier woman because you don't do it for him anymore, that's going to kill you thinking like that.

I'll let you into a secret shall I. In the escort world it's not the pretty young things that have full diaries it's the overweight women with stretch marks like yourself. Research AW, put in Mature or BBW in the search engine and you'll see this for yourself. Just because you have had children does not mean your not desirable anymore, some men see that as a sign that you are a mature woman and would find that desirable.

Get yourself a babysitter, put the slap on and go have a really good night out with friends, that will do you far more good than sitting dwelling on this.

I have a close friend that went through exactly what your going through but she dealt with it in a very different way. She got onto the punting forums and chatted with the girls and their clients looking for answers as to why they do this and was really surprised at what she found. It definitely helped her come to terms with it and understand that it was not down to her. Even the most beautiful women out there have had their partners visit escorts have they not? Abbi Clancy springs to mind.

Also realise that you are not alone here. Look at how many thousands of women advertise on that site, most are seeing at least two, probably more men a week, so how many men out there are seeing these women?

You can't blame the girl. She doesn't give a damn who walks through her door as long as they pay up and leave. I'll bet within a couple of weeks she won't even remember what your husband looks like.

Just one more point. In my line of work I have met and know many working girls who do advertise on AW. All of them are very careful with their sexual health, get checked and keep it all covered, sounds from what you have said that this girl is the same, but if your OH has been seeing a few you should both be being checked.

Hope you can both work through this. My friend and her partner got counselling and are now very happy.

Good luck and don't blame yourself.

Sorry, Bonita12 - zombie thread

It's amazing how threads about AW keep getting resurrected months after the final post and very often the OP hasn't been back since their first post. And it's always a similar post.
I'm a cynic about why this keeps happening. but it does.

               <strong>zombie thread</strong>

Not condoning his behavior, but I know men who go to escorts sometimes do REALLY love their wives but can´t live without the sex. For some reason they see it as less of a betrayal than an affair.

Don´t make the mistake of thinking he finds her sexier than you because she is 21 and very pretty. Men don´t often see women that way, and he would probably far rather have a great sex life with you.

I don´t think you should worry about being fat or having stretch marks. A lot of men see beyond this when they love you.

I doubt i could forgive this (I am very jealous!) but I also don´t think you should allow yourself as bad as you do because by the sounds of it he would have far rather had sex with you if it had been an option.

So sorry for you...suffering my own heartbreak and it SUCKS!

xx