found out husband has been seeing 'escorts' and on seedy websites

[katiemummy2012]

Well I dont know where to start, I am just utterly heartbroken. I am a long time lurker here but havnt posted before but I have just found out the worst news of my life and have no one to turn to I am so embarrassed. I have been with DH altogether 8 years, married for 6 and have 2 DC aged 5 and 2

I have to admit, me and DH sex life has been pretty crap since our first child was born. I developed quite a few stretch marks due to the pregnancy aswell as gained a small bit of weight (but not loads!), along with the sleepless nights (DS1 was quite a cryer) I just never felt like sex and was physically and emotionally exhausted as a first time mum. DH was working a lot anyway and I presumed he too was tired and didnt want action. I have to begrudgingly admit that I did turn him down a few times because I was feeling so unsexy, but I was sure he would understand as I thought he loved me and its not as if we NEVER had it if you know what i mean. Anyway my DD was born just under 2 years ago and since then our sex life has got even worse.

I started to get suspicious about 3 months ago when I went to check something DH had apparently been looking at for DS's 5th birthday, on DH's laptop and the address bar showed a website address 'adultwork.com' (I will get to this bit later ) I didnt click the site but it said 'adult service....' before it flashed away and then I realised DH had just cleared the history. I thought I'd let it lie as I honestly didnt believe ever that DH would cheat, hes just not that type, a real sweet family man and never a 'jack the lad' kind of man if you get me. I definately would never have guessed DH to be the type to use a 'escort' service, but lo and behold, he has :(

Well it all came to a head yesterday when I picked up DH's phone for a snoop whilst he was on the toilet, he usually never leaves it about but he did this time so i took the opportunity, I know its wrong but I have got so suspicious and paranoid in the last fews months I just knew there was something up, I was just waiting to find it.

There was a txt on there saying 'Hi, its K from Adultwork, call me if you still want the appointment we arranged xxx' my heart just stopped and I knew there and then he has been cheating and contacting escorts. I txt her back pretending to be DH saying I couldnt call now but I do still want the appointment, just to see what she said. She txt back saying 'great babe had so much fun last time, 130pm @ my place it is then xx' - 130pm is when DH is on his dinner, and I wondered why DH hadnt been answering my calls and his phone had been off sometimes when I called him on his dinner

So this meant DH has been there before and has definately cheated. Lets just say that after I confronted him, he DID NOT go to his 'appointment' with this tart. I dont know what to do. I went onto the site and using the number and name checked this 'escort' out. She lives in the nearby town that DH works in (surprise surprise) I was totally shocked because rather than look like a drug addict or a heavily airbrushed model picture like i expected she was a really normal girl, had loads of home porn videos and pictures and was only 21 (DH is 40!) and sickeningly really pretty and slim :( she has like 100 reviews all saying how great in bed and how hot she is. I'm gutted because I bet one of them is from DH. My confidence is in tatters because I think how mumsy I've become and the stretch marks and weight I've now got since the kids. tear I have to stop myself from crying :'(

DH has been crying hard and said that I never have sex and wont give him a blow job so he got so frustrated he has had to go elsewhere, but that he loves me and wants us to stay together. I am infuriated with him, he has cheated on me, not to mention we have been struggling with mortgage repayments and have been struggling to get the money for DDs second birthday presents and party which is next week and this escort costs £120 an hour! So he can fork out for her but not for our DCs birthday or our family home, Im just so angry! He has also told me we cant have a 2013 family holiday because of money! But hes blowing money on sex with women half his age!

So sorry about the length of this post, I just dont know how to deal, I cant tell anyone about this because of DHs reputation. I dont want people thinking hes a sick perve. I dont want to leave him because I know I could have made more effort to have sex, and he wouldnt have had to seek out a younger woman to fulfill him. Please help how I can feel better about this, I dont want my beautiful DC to see me upset or ever find out about this, they adore their daddy :'(

I'd kick him out. Send him to his parents and see what they think of him paying for sex when he has a wife who has given him two gorgeous children.

How long has he been doing this? How much money has he spent? Are you sure that he hasn't left other reviews? I would be surprised if this is the first woman he's paid for sex tbh.

The only remorse he's showing right now is remorse that you've found him out.

Oh and if your children end up hurt and disappointed in their dad, that's entirely his fault. Not yours. At all.

In fact, ask him to show you his adultwork account, once you see his PMs you will know how many and for how long, you will also know his name so you can see how many reviews he has left.

Mrs Worrier that is absoloutely awful and even worse than finding out your DH has cheated with prostitutes! What is wrong with these men ruining their families like this :(

I have tried typing DHs email into the adultwork site, but it isnt registered :( so he must have got her number which is advertised on her page and called or have a fake email address which I'l never be able to find]

I just want to cry and strangle him at the same time but at the same time I just cant give up on our family :(

" ultimately men who get no sex will look elsewhere for it. "

Er no. They discuss it with their wives.

He is the one who gave up on his family.

Do you really think you could sleep with him again knowing all this? how will you monitor him? once a punter always a punter....

I just cant give up on our family

why not?
He did the minute he stuck his cock into the escort!!!!!!!

Sounds like he has been really dumb and thoughtless but one thing really stands out for me and it's the fact you sound so down on yourself and your looks ATM. It sounds to me that it wasn't that you didn't want sex, just that you didn't feel like you were attractive enough for it, which is really sad. I hope you and DH manage to work it out - maybe with a couples counsellor who can help him see how wrong he's been. But more than that I hope you can get some help for you to repair your self esteem and help you feel awesome again. Never mind sex for his sake, you deserve to have some lovin' back in your life for you!

That is truly vile. You deserve better. Good men do not treat women like shit.

She'd never replace you OP after all he was content enough to let you carry on cleaning and cooking for him and doing his laundry. You say he's been grumping at you for spending money while he's merrily spent family funds on doing the one thing you haven't been able to do for him?
I'm sorry, he may well love your DCs but he's kissed them with the same mouth he kissed that woman.

it's a little bit more than "dumb and thoughtless"

and Op deserves some lovin' with someone who has respect for women, not this misogynistic, sexually-incontinent twat

OP, he has at least one other email address

insists he discloses it/them

there could be all manner of things he is hiding from you

what you have found is likely to be the tip of the iceberg

is he getting an STI test himself ?

I have insisted DH show me all the bank statements for the last 5 months and I'v just looked at one for Set 9 to Oct 9 and there have been 3 withdrawals, so hes forked out £360 on sex in the last month

I've told DH to piss off and leave and hes taking hes things and staying with his sister, I'm heartbroken and dont know what to tell my kids when they come home tomorrow nor whether to take him back, I still havnt seen the last few months bank statements and I bet it will crush me when I can bare to, why does this happen? :'(

No wonder we have been struggling and I was too stupid to just let him deal with all the finances as I am so busy with my little girl and helping my DS with his schooling :(

sorry i miss wrote that, 3 withdrawals each of £120 so he must have seen the girl 3 times or another at that price, as he has brought nothing home worth that much and why else would he be withdrawing it in cash :'(

That "men who get no sex will look elsewhere for it" crap and all it represents i.e. men "needing" sex AND being entitled to it without regard for their partner or their relationship is so damaging and not just to women.

What an entitled wanker. Sorry, if you want to spend your life looking over your shoulder, wondering where he is every lunch time/every time he goes out then good luck with that. What happens if you get flu and can't have sex for a week, does that mean he can pay another woman for a fuck? How about if something happened that meant you had to be away from home for a bit, can he pay for a fuck then? What happens if he just wants sex with another woman, can he pay for a fuck then? Because, I would bet my life on it, he has not just had sex with this woman once, and I would probably bet that he has sex with many women.

This isn't just someone who has fallen for someone else or was so drunk he had sex (not that there is EVER an excuse to be unfaithful) this is a man who CHOSE to join a website which is there so you can find women to fuck for money. He made a decision to fuck another woman. Good men and good husbands do not pay to fuck other women. The type of man who pays to fuck other women are the type of low down, self centred, entitled men who then go and blame it on their wife! Good luck for the future, if you stay with this 'man' then you will need it.

op, just take your time and take it bit by bit. I'm glad you have asked him to leave, blaming you was a spectacularly awful thing to add to his already awful behaviour have you got anyone with you? If not could you get someone to come round?

I can't see how this can be resolved. He's destroys you by sleeping with a postitute. No matter how little sex he was getting at home, he had a choice. You don't view sex in the same way as he does. There's massive incompatibility in your approaches to your relationship. I would leave him. I couldn't be happy knowing that while I was having someone's children, they were puttin their needs first above their family. might be best to move on. So sorry you are having to deal with this.

Donkeyz I know, she lets the men lick her fanny too it disgusts me because DH loves to give oral and I bet he did it with her, she offers a 'Girlfriend Experience' apparently it makes me sick to think that he came and kissed my kids to sleep after he'd been near her :'(

Have you tried to sign into his adult work site?

You weren't stupid about the household money or anything else, OP, you were loving and trusting. Perhaps say something to the little ones along the lines of, "Daddy's gone to stay with Aunty So and so, for a few days" and if they ask why invent something mundane like help with decorating or whatever.

It must be heartbreaking I hope you have someone in rl you can lean on.

Oh op, I'm so sorry :( there's no excuse for his behaviour. It's not even like he did it once and broke down and admitted it after guilt. He has seen her 3 times and if you hadn't of confronted him who knows how long it would've continued.

He should have spoken to you before such stupid, heartbreaking decisions were made.

Katiemummy I have had almost the exact same experience with that site. When I delved a bit deeper into the computer, I found evidence of tons and tons of messages he had sent on the site and pages of people (male, female and trans) he had been looking at.
When I went through his bank statements that I found hidden, he had been paying a shit load of money to do live web chats or some such. It ran into hundreds of pounds. I can;t remember the exact name of the transactions, bt lots of them came up "Awork" I think it was.

I understand the feeling of blaming yourself, but this really was his choice. I was not in anyway reluctant in bed and he still did it. I (eventually) kicked him out, as I could not ever re-establish any feeling of trust or intimacy. You have to do what is right for you, not for your children. You cannot be the best parent they deserve if you are only living a half life, whatever you choose.

no i have no one to come round but am gonna have a chat on the phone with my friend soon, shes having problems too :(

DH is just not the type of man to do this, he isnt sleazy and has never been one to go off shagging lots of women even when single, I'm going to concentrate on calming down and making sure the house is a nice atmosphere for my DCs when they come home tomorrow, even though their daddy wont be here then

Im still unsure on whether to give him another chance but I know its so risky, I cant compete with the allure of a 21year old offering no strings attached sex he can even visit her for £60 if he wanted for half an hour, how do I know he wont, or even visit other girls? It costs less than having an affair and it blows my mind :(

I am going to speak to DH further tomorrow xx

He is the type to do it.

He has done it.

He is sleazy.