found out husband has been seeing 'escorts' and on seedy websites

[katiemummy2012]

Well I dont know where to start, I am just utterly heartbroken. I am a long time lurker here but havnt posted before but I have just found out the worst news of my life and have no one to turn to I am so embarrassed. I have been with DH altogether 8 years, married for 6 and have 2 DC aged 5 and 2

I have to admit, me and DH sex life has been pretty crap since our first child was born. I developed quite a few stretch marks due to the pregnancy aswell as gained a small bit of weight (but not loads!), along with the sleepless nights (DS1 was quite a cryer) I just never felt like sex and was physically and emotionally exhausted as a first time mum. DH was working a lot anyway and I presumed he too was tired and didnt want action. I have to begrudgingly admit that I did turn him down a few times because I was feeling so unsexy, but I was sure he would understand as I thought he loved me and its not as if we NEVER had it if you know what i mean. Anyway my DD was born just under 2 years ago and since then our sex life has got even worse.

I started to get suspicious about 3 months ago when I went to check something DH had apparently been looking at for DS's 5th birthday, on DH's laptop and the address bar showed a website address 'adultwork.com' (I will get to this bit later ) I didnt click the site but it said 'adult service....' before it flashed away and then I realised DH had just cleared the history. I thought I'd let it lie as I honestly didnt believe ever that DH would cheat, hes just not that type, a real sweet family man and never a 'jack the lad' kind of man if you get me. I definately would never have guessed DH to be the type to use a 'escort' service, but lo and behold, he has :(

Well it all came to a head yesterday when I picked up DH's phone for a snoop whilst he was on the toilet, he usually never leaves it about but he did this time so i took the opportunity, I know its wrong but I have got so suspicious and paranoid in the last fews months I just knew there was something up, I was just waiting to find it.

There was a txt on there saying 'Hi, its K from Adultwork, call me if you still want the appointment we arranged xxx' my heart just stopped and I knew there and then he has been cheating and contacting escorts. I txt her back pretending to be DH saying I couldnt call now but I do still want the appointment, just to see what she said. She txt back saying 'great babe had so much fun last time, 130pm @ my place it is then xx' - 130pm is when DH is on his dinner, and I wondered why DH hadnt been answering my calls and his phone had been off sometimes when I called him on his dinner

So this meant DH has been there before and has definately cheated. Lets just say that after I confronted him, he DID NOT go to his 'appointment' with this tart. I dont know what to do. I went onto the site and using the number and name checked this 'escort' out. She lives in the nearby town that DH works in (surprise surprise) I was totally shocked because rather than look like a drug addict or a heavily airbrushed model picture like i expected she was a really normal girl, had loads of home porn videos and pictures and was only 21 (DH is 40!) and sickeningly really pretty and slim :( she has like 100 reviews all saying how great in bed and how hot she is. I'm gutted because I bet one of them is from DH. My confidence is in tatters because I think how mumsy I've become and the stretch marks and weight I've now got since the kids. tear I have to stop myself from crying :'(

DH has been crying hard and said that I never have sex and wont give him a blow job so he got so frustrated he has had to go elsewhere, but that he loves me and wants us to stay together. I am infuriated with him, he has cheated on me, not to mention we have been struggling with mortgage repayments and have been struggling to get the money for DDs second birthday presents and party which is next week and this escort costs £120 an hour! So he can fork out for her but not for our DCs birthday or our family home, Im just so angry! He has also told me we cant have a 2013 family holiday because of money! But hes blowing money on sex with women half his age!

So sorry about the length of this post, I just dont know how to deal, I cant tell anyone about this because of DHs reputation. I dont want people thinking hes a sick perve. I dont want to leave him because I know I could have made more effort to have sex, and he wouldnt have had to seek out a younger woman to fulfill him. Please help how I can feel better about this, I dont want my beautiful DC to see me upset or ever find out about this, they adore their daddy :'(

You have nothing to be embarrassed about. This is all down to your dh. Tell him to explain to his sister EXACTLY why he's staying there.

You must be going through every kind of emotion possible at the moment, is there no one in rl you can confide in?

Kick him hard, from me. Aim well.

Perhaps pace yourself with what you choose to disclose, but why shouldn't you have the benefit of people closest to you backing you up, they'll only start to speculate anyway when they realise there's a rift between you, never mind a great chasm of his making.

The only way he's formed an attachment of sorts to this girl is because he's been paying to see her and the fact she'd welcome him "affectionately" as a regular over many months would make him feel less squalid, almost justify it in his own mind as : she's not some random female he has it away with! All this time he could have tried making a go of things with you physically but he preferred the tawdry thrill of paying a 21 year old instead who otherwise wouldn't give him the time of day.

When your DS needs new school shoes in future or DD has her party next week, will he have any shame that he spent family money buying that girl's body in his lunch hour

"Didn't want to worry you", my a*se he didn't. Sorry OP.

You're going through a tough enough time at the moment without having to keep secret his utter betrayal of you. People won't look down on you.
I can understand why, in a way you probably feel like you're being disloyal to him if you talk to others about it? You need to open up, you'll need help at home too x

I told my DH about your DH

he said "what a fucking arsehole, he doesn't deserve to stay with his family"

not all men are like your husband

katie its truly horrific the more that I read on. 3years! I agree with another poster that its all very convienent to coincide with the children. Even if its true, that's maybe worse as youi were planning a baby durung this time and he was sneaking off to fuck hookers at. What should have been a very happy time.
I would fucking tell his sister quick sharp! He's embarrassed? I bet he is. Well I'd make him more embarrassed.

He clearly has no shame though if he can happily buy sex off a girl half his age and regualrly too. Does he not feel a prize prick knowing she wouldn't touch him with a bargepole if no cash was involved? He sounds as if he is a bit infatuated which must hurt like hell. Knowing that he loves you but prefers shagging young bodies. Yuck.

I don't think she's trafficked by what you say. It sounds like she gets an ego boost by knowing older, married men literally fancy the pants off her.
All this should make you stronger. Could you honestly ever shag him again? Knowing he was comparing you. Be tough x

But Happy, until the other day Katie would have thought her husband was a decent bloke. It is amazing what some people can hide (Not implying anthing about yours by the way I am sure he is a diamond)

15 years ago if you wanted to cheat with a prostitute you would either have to go to some seedy sauna club or pick one up off the street. Now technology makes it so easy to arrange anything from affairs to escorts to web cams etc. Add to that mobile phones with internet access and its a green light for many to take things that one step further.

An affair years ago would normally be with a work colleage or someone you knew, now it can be with a complete stranger selected from an affairs website.

Technology has certainly made it easier for some people.

Are you not telling people because you don't want to embarrass him, or are you trying to stop people thinking you're a mug when you take him back?

If it's the second you need shot of him, big style. To paraphrase, life's too short to stick with a man who's obsessed with a hooker. No matter how hard you squint, he will never be Richard Gere.

Carmenelectra - she is in business. It's not about getting a thrill, it's about business. Who knows what her reasons for selling sex to a man the same age as her dad? Whatever they are, it's not likely to be because she finds it pleasurable.

Jesus Katie.

What a total fucking piece of shit he really is. And 3 years? If he's admitted to that I wouldn't mind betting it's been going on a lot longer, probably all his adult life.

Firstly, get yourself checked out at the Drs and let them know what's going on, in case you need some help or sleeping tablets later on.

I would definitely not be hiding this from anybody and would be telling his sister exactly why her brother is staying there. You have NOTHING to be ashamed of, this reflects in no way on you as a person or you as wife and just proves what a vile, self entitled creature you sadly got lumped with.

I can't ever see a way back from this for most women, the nature, level of deceit and time its gone on is far too much for a normal person to move on from. How could you ever let him kiss you or the kids, knowing where his filthy mouth has been?

Please tell somebody in rl, you need the support and I would be shouting this fron the rooftops to inflict a tiny taste of the pain you are probably feeling now.

maleview, OP appeared to be trying to convince herself that all men are like her husband and she could expect nothing more

her husband needs to know what other men think of him, not just bitter, dried-up harridans on the internet (which is probably what he thinks most of us are)

I hope she shows him this thread

I totally agree with maleview, I never knew sites like this existed and of course no one expects their loving family man DH to use prostitutes as I always thought they were desperate drug addicts on street corners or whatever, then you see the sheer amount of normal women and young girls advertising themselves on there for sex, its like an adult friend finder or something but for pay for sex!

It annoys me because this website is probably so tempting for highly sexed men, it also has its own Android application so its easy for men to access on their phones, clearly married ones too and what with all the computer clearing technology its easy for a husband to repeatedly clear every trace of his dirty tracks so it takes you months if not years to finally catch him at it!

I'm wanting to wait until after DDs birthday to tell people, dont worry I will be dropping him in it, I just dont want any awkwardness on her day (well as little as is possible given the situation between me and DH)

Wow. This made me gasp out loud. You poor thing. He is a prize twunt. Doesn't matter how he seems, his behaviour clearly shows that he is.

I would be absolutely fucking livid. I can't imagine how you'd justify taking him back. He has betrayed you on all levels. So sorry

dowager I agree. Don't think she finds the sex pleasurable with. Op's husband or any bloke. She is probably just good at marketing herself. I todays image obsessed culture though I do believe some prossies may get an ego boost from knowing men seek her out for sex. I'm sure most hate the actual sex though.

He sounds like a sociopath leading a double life. I'd get out now. You are worth more than this. "Highly sexed men" phew.

I am certain all men arnt like my DH, just totally confused and shocked and feel like I could never trust a man again as DH was so not the type to do this, I just never would have expected it and thought I had the radar to recognise a good man, after dating a few morons when I was young

Now I just feel like any man would do this to me, and I'd never know, I was so idiotic not to realise sooner what he was up to :(

when is dd's birthday ?

Katie, don't feel like that, some women never find out! Some men use escorts regularly and have never been caught. The fact that you have caught yours means he had to tell you the extent or else a bit of digging would have done this!

What he has done is unforgivable though and you need to start coming to terms with the fact that it is over because this isn't just a one off mistake, it is serial cheating with a girl young enough to be his daughter and one that has cost thousands of pounds. It is horrific to be honest.

Whilst there are men like this, there are many that are not.

What a vile man. Well done Katie for throwing him out etc and getting in with things. You sound like you can cope with this though I imagine it doesn't feel that way just yet.
And as others have said - this has bog all to do with stretch marks or a lull in sec life due to young children. Loads of men manage to survive kids without behaving like this

DH has numerous cash withdrawals of £60 over the summer period, all taken out the cash point 10 15 minutes after he finishes work shakes head hes clearly been having sneaky half hours with this woman AFTER work aswell

Im making an appointment with a solicitor after DDs party, I'm through with the slime ball

I'm devastated really as I thought it was forever, I was so happy but I am in my 30s and still have time to find a new, proper loving husband

I'm going to tell DH to his face, just so I can see it, hes going to be gutted he through it all away

xxx

sixty smackers will be the exact remuneration for a blow job

without a condom

imagine what should have happened with those various sixty smackers

Is this another ad for adultworks?

'Tempting for highly sexed men'

Come on OP! Neither a high libido nor availability of paid for sex excuses or explains a man cheating on his partner with sex workers.

a lot of things, the money hes been spending is insane and I just thought it was the debts we had that were driving us under financially, now I know its his need for sex!

How can anyone justify spending £360 in less than a month on sex, it just beggars belief