Why do women marry, have children with and stay with men who are ..

[beetroot]

Lazy and dont repect them?

I have seen it on Mumnset so much over the years adn it still astounds me.

I am at home with the kids some days and my dp does other days. In our house the person at home that day definitely has responsibility for looking after the house/ sorting the food out. So am with Dino on that.

Love mother inferiors posts on this thread. I hate the way men are so often infantilised on here.

Yes MI there should definatly be an expectation. This is 2006 - it should be the law!!!

These days I do do most of the housework - dh's responsibilities extend to emptying the bin and putting out the rubbish. He also likes to cook and often does when he comes home from work.

However, I an SAHM with 1 child at school and one in nursery 2 days a week plus 2 morings at pre-school. So I do have plenty of time to take care of a few chores as well as have lots of 'me time' ( I know how much people love that phrase), so I think I get a pretty good deal.

I also pay someone to do the ironing.

However, when I was a working mum - or even a working wife, dh did a lot more around the house.

Dinorsaure I'm with you about the headbanging business. One of my first posts was a very innoccuous ( sp?) request for advice about holidaying with my new partner and my daughter... I was shocked that at least three people responded by saying 'dump him'. In actual fact we had a great holiday and although things haven't worked out between us it was one of the happiest times of my life...

Having said that i didn't take offence-- and in fact most of advice I have received on here has been spot on and very much appreciated!

dsc, deaf and dumb dinners only work if your dp actually eats with you. and even then ime they dont work. except to make me upset
no nookie? doesnt work either. the assumption there is that he wants sex with you. if he doesnt, then youre just doing him a favour.

We have the power begin the end of the infantile treatment of men and the doormatification of women we are the mothers of the future generations fcol!! RISE UP MOTHERS UNITE!

hand that rocks the cradle and all that!!

beets,
Some women find it hard to express what they want from their husbands I saw that with my parents...but unlike my mother I cannot keep it inside.. I don't nag (my mother was a nag I hated it) but I say what I have to say and my mother taught me this...my relationship is not perfect, and I have put up with some things that if you asked me before marriage I would have run for the hills from.. but I still love him, I have children,basically I didn't want my marriage to end and neither did he we worked things out.. but I told him how I felt what I wanted and what I didn't want.. now my marriage is better than ever he is very hands on and I can see him making a real effort and thats what I want...its not easy and you cannot expect perfection you were strangers once after all.

There will always be times in any relationship when its tough your dh/dp pisses you off and you need to talk but not to family or friends because they will judge you no matter what they say... just to let off steam I think thats what many women do here... you know when you don't want to stay and thats when you have no emotion you don't care anymore and you will leave.

I used to think the same thing when I was younger... but then life happened!!

I think many women who have left husbands/long term partners would say it wasn't so much a choice as being the only option left...

When you've tried everything to help the man you love shoulder his responsibilities towards you and his children and it's failed, all the fight to continue is exhausted.

So - only one option

MTPW has ample reason not to leave an imperfect relationship - needs are being fulfilled to some extent, not wholly or she wouldn't feel fat and ugly and be punishing herself as she is.

I remain in my imperfect relationship because not all the avenues for reinforcing it's foundations have been explored.