Why do women marry, have children with and stay with men who are ..

[beetroot]

Lazy and dont repect them?

I have seen it on Mumnset so much over the years adn it still astounds me.

Those threads frighten me, EIS. Wasn't that particular one, one where the woman didn't really see that what he'd done was wrong, and rape?

thanks. now i know to not let off steam on here again or look anywhere for a bit of compassion.

oh for goodness sake.

I dont have to agrree with everyhting everyone says.

I have been in an abusive relationship and chose not to marry or have kdis with that man.

It astounds you that women stay with lazy men who don;t respect them? that's like saying it astounds you that not all women are like you,; humans are extremely complex creatures. It would astound me more if every woman in this situation reacted in the same way and walked out. Life's not like that. People aren't like that. If they were the world would be quite a scarey place don't you think? There are people who spend their whole lives studying social, psychological, cultural, historical, economic, political (I could go on...) reasons for human behaviour. And they still don;t know all the answers.

There is always compassion somehwere on here. Some people dont alwasy give it but often we dont tell people to pull their socks up enough.

I dont think anyone is judging mtpennorth.

Beets

This thread is so sad. I have worked with and known lots of women who haven't left their partners even though they don't respect them and there are a thousand reasons why sometimes women either can't or feel that they can't leave. Life just isn't that simple.

Maybe i would have thought like beetroot too until i found myself in a similar situation, having previously believed i was a strong, self-respecting woman that would be capable of leaving my partner if i thought i should. But i couldn't. Mainly because i literally watched my two children's heart's break when we were seperating and i knew i just couldn't do it to them (along with all the other reason that existed such as those morningpaper mentioned). It came as a big shock to me that, one, things like that could happen to me in my nice life and two that you just don't always make the decisions you think that you would make in situations. Since then I have found that the things people do in their lifes, particularly to do with relationships, don't 'astound' me because you just never know the full picture.

i am not saying walk out. i am asking why women allow it to conitnue day aftger day, moan about it and then carry on. that is all.

I have been given one good reasn why which i totally accept..low self esteem. i get that bit, i have been there.

good post GB

I think I was the first person on this thread to say that some women stay with men who treat them badly because they think it's all they deserve; and I made it very clear that was based on my experience. I am not showing off about my perfect partner; far from it, I struggle daily with the compromises that parenthood has enforced upon my principles. I do think that we - women, collectively - let men off a lot of hooks. And I'll stand by that.

I have to agree with Beetroot as I think its about respect and being thoughtful for the person you supposedly love, at the end of a day you have brought his children into this world....surely one day of the year he can let you have time out, whatever it is you want to do today that makes you feel good because that is after all what mother's day is all about.

and relationshps are multilayered and complicated when you can see the people in them, when that person can talk to you face to face - its even harder to convey the complexity of the issues on a forum like this

Also, I think sometimes, the good part of the relationship "makes up" for the crap - whilst its good, you can convince yourself the crap isn't as crap as it really is

MI, really good post . I totally agree.

Heres another good reason - I have nowhere to go. I am trapped. No money, people chasing us for money we dont have. I am fat and ugly and would be on my own for the rest of my life.

I am in very poor health, i need him to do all the things that i cant do. I might as well confess that i am nameless1 (bingeeating thread), just so you know how bad it is.

my kids are both autistic. anyone of you whos got an autistic child, x 2 and think! those of you with 2 or more - you know what i mean!

I cant do it alone. i couldnt cope with them. i would lose them or lose control and hurt them.

all i have, sorry, had, was the knowledge that at leat i could come on here and let out all my feelings. Now i learn you arent supposed to offload untless its part of your 12 step plan to a new life

My life is a big pile of dog shit and now im made to feel i deserve it cos i cant change it. nobody on gods green earth gives a flying fuck i dont know why i thought anyone would care well sorry and im not going to burden anyone here or anywhere else with anything or with me any more i was always just a burden and i cant take any more and i cant stop crying now and people are going to look and laugh and say what a stupid thing, a thread on the internet, to be the last straw its so stupid

Mytwopenceworth, shit what an awfultime you are haivng of it.

oh my God MTW, no-one was attacking you or your situation

I'm sorry this has upset you, so sorry - your situation is obviously huge compared to the sort of thing we were talking about here, I am really sorry, we didn't mean to hurt you

and you can unload all you like without having to have a plan - 12 step or otherwise!
What else is this place for if not to give a bit of support without having to be judgemental

and I dont think you shoud take this personally. YOu are haivng and awful time. However this thread is not about you, about not supporitng a woman like yourslef who needs as much of it as you can.

A lot is low self esteem and expectation.

Fear hasn't been mentioned.

And neither has love. Venting occasionally about someone you love is one thing, having the love eroded because that's the only behaviour you ever experience is another.

And social pressures as well - although we're not living in the fifties where divorce was a disgrace, there's still an enormous sense of failure attached to having had a split with the parent of your children. Stigma's a powerful force.

Along with all the other reasons given by others.

I think the term 'low self esteem' is really really really overused........

why moondog?

I am so gald my parents split up. They were horrid together.

It's something that women bleat about incessantly (present company excluded I'm sure...)
Always struck me that the people Inow who go on about low self esteem are the ones who spend the most time navel gazing.

Anyway,if you have correctly diagnosed your 'low self esteem',surely the next step is to then raise it.

It's just such a meaningless women's magazine kind of expression...a bit like 'me time'.
Barf.

Totally agree with that wharfrat