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Original poster

Why do women marry, have children with and stay with men who are ..

184 replies

beetroot · 26/03/2006 18:42

Lazy and dont repect them?

I have seen it on Mumnset so much over the years adn it still astounds me.

OP posts:
Original poster
beetroot · 27/03/2006 10:44

wonder not wander Wink

OP posts:
desperateSCOUSEwife · 27/03/2006 10:46

beety havent read the whole thread
but some women just like to be doormatsGrin by an ex one
they need to strat smelling the coffeee and kick their fellas and wives arses into gear imo

peacockblue · 27/03/2006 10:48

No, i believe it is 'to wander'.

Original poster
beetroot · 27/03/2006 10:59

no I am going to wonder (about life) not wander as in walk...!

DSW..umm yes, that is the case in many women I am sure...

OP posts:
peacockblue · 27/03/2006 11:01

Oh I stand corrected. DSH - what a pile of crap 'women like being treated as a doormat' !!??!! I've never met any woman that would agree with that.

motherinferior · 27/03/2006 11:48

Look, I don't think it's women's fault that we get, all too often, a pretty crap deal. I think it's men's. But that is why I do think we need, collectively, to have a tougher view of what we can/should expect from men, whether or not that is, in fact, reflected in what we get in our personal, domestic and parenting practices.

I have lost count of the number of times on MN I've read women commenting that 'they're all like that'/'what do you expect'/'men can't do such and such'/'men get led astray by the lure of sex' and so on, ad nauseum. Which is letting those men off the hook. We need to expect, and demand, men who can cook supper change nappies do their share of the childcare look after their children behave like intelligent adults...because frankly, if they really were all helpless little boys, they wouldn't be quite as powerful as they are.

Caligula · 27/03/2006 11:50

Hear hear MI. Sock it to 'em!

desperateSCOUSEwife · 27/03/2006 11:51

women do bugger all about it
except moan
until it comes to a point that things cannot be tolerated
kick their fat, sweaty arses into gear

peacockblue · 27/03/2006 11:54

Yes I agree with you MI, but I think a lot of the time, a man is either the type to help out around the house/look after the baby etc or they are not.

With the latter, trying to make them something they are not is a real struggle, ending up in a hell of a lot of rows, resntment and the realisation that the man they settled down with will not make any extra effort to help or please you.

That realisation can lead to either accepting it and getting along with life as best as poss or it can cause arguments and pressures to escalate big time.

motherinferior · 27/03/2006 11:56

But I'm not the type to 'help out around the house' either. Lots of women aren't. I do it because I have to. Why would having a penis get me out of it?

desperateSCOUSEwife · 27/03/2006 11:57

peacock men can and shall be trainedGrin

Caligula · 27/03/2006 11:59

But what if you're not the type of woman who is good at cleaning up the house, looking after the baby and "helping out" PB? (Although I wouldn't see it as helping out, cleaning up the place I live)

Women may also not be the type - but they bloody well have to be unless they want their houses to be health hazards and their kids to be neglected.

Why expect women to change and "be something else" and not men? No-one would make excuses for a woman who can't be arsed to clear her house up and left it as a health hazard. No one would say "that's just her, you won't change her". They'd say "useless fat wuzzock should get off her arse and clean her house up and look after her kids".

motherinferior · 27/03/2006 11:59

Men live in the house.

desperateSCOUSEwife · 27/03/2006 12:00

caligula excellent post

peacockblue · 27/03/2006 12:01

Can they really DSW?!?

MI - yes we do it because they have to. But I think that the majority of men that don't help out are the 'I work a long hard day anyway' type, that have not got a clue what a day of being a mum is really all about. Very old fashioned indeed. And very hard to change.

motherinferior · 27/03/2006 12:03

I do take your point: that's the assumption that housework is a SAHP's responsibility, isn't it.

dinosaure · 27/03/2006 12:03

I'm really with mytwopenceworth on this thread.

I hate the mumsnet headbangers who start jumping up and down going "ditch the bastard yesterday" or whatever as soon as anyone mumsnetter starts a thread asking for support in a difficult relationship. Really makes me Angry.

We should be here to support each other and be in it for the long haul.

desperateSCOUSEwife · 27/03/2006 12:03

yes they can
deaf and dumb dinners work wonders
and a nook ban
until they change there ways works wonders too

dinosaure · 27/03/2006 12:03

Well, I think that housework is more my DH's responsibility than mine, actually.

peacockblue · 27/03/2006 12:05

Caligula you are right. I'm in total agreement, here..I bloody hate housework, but I do it because I don't want a messy house and if I don't do it, it generally (apart from a rare help from DP) won't get done. However, I must say that he helps out more these days than he used to, but not enough(!)

motherinferior · 27/03/2006 12:07

Why do you, dino (that is a question, genuinely)? I do know that because I am based from home I do a lot more generally domestic stuff than my partner.

dinosaure · 27/03/2006 12:07

Just for the record, I wasn't lumping mi in that category...

motherinferior · 27/03/2006 12:07
Grin
motherinferior · 27/03/2006 12:09

I also totally accept that those changes are not, in practice, easy - or always possible - to make. (I have ended up with a partner who can cook, but I spend a lot of time grumbling about my genera responsibility for a lot of parenting stuff). I do however stick by the expectation point.

dinosaure · 27/03/2006 12:10

I am out of the house between 8.30 and 6.30 (or later) four days a week. I quite often (1-2 times a week) bring work home to do in the evenings.

DH is at home every day. Between the hours of 9.00 and 3.30 he only has DS3 to look after, and DS3 naps for 1.5 hours of that time.

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