Why do women marry, have children with and stay with men who are ..

[beetroot]

Lazy and dont repect them?

I have seen it on Mumnset so much over the years adn it still astounds me.

It's looking down on women who are struggling with their relationship - the implication that that they are 'weak' and lack self respect because they don't leave. It's not as easy as just walking out - life is not like a Gloria Gaynor record.

I never said my DH was perfect, either. But he does his best, and I do mine, and we try to treat each other with respect.

I'd like to think that's what everyone did.

... and I think that as mothers, we often put aside what we are "entitled to" (Colin Firth) because we focus of what our children are "entitled to" (a daddy who is around) and sometimes the two things are not the same

no one said it is easy. i've known several women who spent many years in counseling and going to school to train up for a career to support themselves before they were able to leave abusive relationships.

as a mother to daughters, however, it always saddens me to read threads from women who feel so mistreated and unhappy in a relationship. i certainly wouldn't want that for my child, and these are all someone's kid.

We are entitled to Colin Firth? Excelleent, I didn't know that! Can he be swapped for another celebrity of our choice though?

I don't think a lot of the stuff people whinge about is worth leaving about. But there are options between putting up with it and packing your bags. You can change things!

I hope so, otherwise Colin might be worn out by the time he gets to me

What astounds me is that some women are so lazy in their thinking that they are able to ask the question which is the thread title.

Although Beetroot may find it easy to respect her partner and herself it is a shame that she is unable to show the same respect to other women.

I guess it depends whether Beety is talking about abusive relationships or the lack of respect that comes from a dh/dp never letting their other halves have a lie-in

Agree NQC.

totally agree rumtumtigger. In addition i find this theory that people only get treated badly if they allow themselves to be (seen often on MN) to be totally untrue and offensive. Why don't we question why MEN enter into partnerships and fatherhood without respect, instead of blaming women for it.

Maybe they have a job that necessitates being away on business and maybe that arrangement is agreeable to both partners for the financial stability of the family. I don't think that means the husband is being 'a shit'. It's not how I'd like to leave but I don't feel in a position to judge other people that live that way.

'like to live' even.

rumtum Beets does show enormous repect to other women you are making assumptions which are very unfair.

I dont think it is a bad question why do we stay? It has taken me ages to leave what has been an abusive relationship from the start and frankly it is still difficult not to phone him up and beg!

I know he is a boderline personality disorder but sometimes you do go for safety rather than a massive upheaval even when your kids are suffering. None of us should judge those who stay or those who leave. Either option is often difficult and unpleasant. My only thing would be if you choose to stay try to make the best of things.

Personally, I don't only blame women for their bad relationships, obviously if a relationship isn't working, (most of the time) both partners are to blame. But I'm talking about what women can do to fix things, because it's women coming on here to btch. If it was men btching, I'd say the same to them.

I'm sure it's mainly to do with deeply-ingrained low self-esteem that's there from childhood. My mum wanted kids, she had an affair with a married man who wouldn't leave his wife, time was getting on so she married and had kids with an abusive, infantile man - I'm sure because she has low self-esteem and thought "this is all I'll get". She let him bully and belittle her (though not physically) for 20 years because she didn't know how to stand up to him, and only kicked him out when her kids were old enough to back her up.

Worst thing is, my dad bullied my sister too (much more so than me) and she is now in the same boat. She has relationships with some appalling tossers who have no respect for her. When I look shocked at things they've said/done, she makes excuses for them or says "it was just a joke".

It's easy to say "why stay with a wanker" if you have self-esteem - and if you have, it's very hard to see it from the point of view of someone who hasn't. I'm always badgering my sister to make her own life better, but it's not that simple - she's almost programmed to make herself miserable.

Are you sure they are simply bitching NQC?

What do you mean, glitterfairy? They could be looking for help to change things, I guess? But I think people who come on here to bitch about their DH/DP are really just looking for validation, and people to say "men are pigs", and so on. (I'm looking for the same, when I come on to bitch about my MIL!)

pmsl at being called smug.

Genine question imo. I don't understnad it.

Not bought about by a couple of threads this morning either.

GF..you did it babe, you got out

Depends on what your idea of lazy and lack of respect means. What do you mean Beetrot - and what do suggest women do about it?

I can understand the low self esteem issue.

i dunno, there've been some very scary threads on here, like the one where the partner had held the woman down by force, enough to leave marks, and sexually abused her.

The ones this morning. mothers maoning about their dh staying in bed and leaving them to do all the work.

WHY put up with it?

I am not sayingleave, I am saying sort it.