Birthday....

[theendishere]

I've been seeing someone for about 4 months. It's my birthday in a few weeks and a month or so ago he suggested going away to a nice hotel overnight near the date to celebrate it. Since he first mentioned it he's not said any more about it and he can't ne planning a surprise as i have to plan in advance and my son will be with me on the actual day, so he can't be planning it for then.
last night i mentioned by texr that my son would be away with his dad the weekend before my birthday plus another couple of days and it would be good to arranged to see eachother more (didn't mention bday at this point). His text in reply said he was going to watch his beloved team palying football on the saturday but would be good to do things the rest of the time (the sunday and monday morning are out as he'll have his kids then). So i appears that the hotel stay isn't happeneing! I'd really hoped i'd see him on the sat before my birthday, regardless of what we were doing. I send a text ust saying "footbal on my birthday weekend!!! I think i'll forgive you"x" he hasn't replied. Due to see him later but worried i shouldn't have sent the text or mentioned my birthday...

Maybe i am fooling myself - i really don't know...

Maybe you should just spend time single and concentrating on your DC for a while OP rather than hanging round desperately waiting for crumbs off someone's table who is probably only in it for sex anyway?
This is really taking up a lot of time out of your life isn't it?

I have wondered if he's just after sex, but agian not sure. Why would he show concern for me, and my son, and call me to talk about the divorce, etc if just after sex. just doesn't make sense. He has said he needs his own space too, and doesn't want a 24/7 relationship - which i don't either, and doubt i will for a long time

You are very annoying.Why don't you listen to the advice that you've asked for and have been given.End it now.He's a fantacist and you're vulnarable,for want of a better word.Give it up.

Oh maras2 that was very unkind and uncalled for.
theendishere came on MN to ask for advice and opinions, not to be insulted.

Sorry to have offended anyone Doha but OP.doesn't seem to be receptive to gentle help.I'd like to give her a good shake,followed by a big cuddle.Perhaps I'll just leave the thread as it is very frustrating.I've tried once or twice but it still keeps on keeping on.

maras2 l agree it is very frustrating and sometimes you feel you are hitting your head of a brick wall. However OP will be reading out comments but reading is easy, it's the doing bit thats hard.
Hopefully she will soon realise that we are right with what we are saying and she will ditch the guy-but until she is in that place in her head we have to support her the best we can.

Fingers crossed :)

Thanks Doha :) You're so right - it's the "doing bit which is hard as he now gives me a bit of stabiliity (as in someone else to talk to/ spend time with) in the whole of this awful situation

and i wonder what he will do for my birthday.....

What are YOU going to do for yourself on YOUR birthday? THAT's the question!

HappyHissy - End your marriage, invest some time in yourself, FEEL what you are living, it's OK to hurt, it's part of life, we grow from it This is wonderful and true. Last summer I split with H and scrabbled around for male company in order to anaesthetise myself against the hurt. Needless to say it ended badly. I didn't allow myself to feel the process so I ended up back together with him. This summer we split again and I am so far from wanting male attention. I am doing some serious reflecting on myself and it is scary but great and so important.

OP you are just distracting yourself, and it will end in tears.

i'm spending the day wth my son and some other family during the day.
yes i guess he is a distraction - sometimes good and somethmes bad. def not my ideal man - other than fancying to bits. even that's fading a little now as he's so evasive and distant in some ways. Good to chat to though and does get me out of the house. all my friends are married/in l t relationships and dont go out much or do things as a family

And he's just text me to see the football he went to watch this evening was rubbish. Makes me a bit sad as i'd wanted to see him this evenign to celebrate my decree nisi being issued..

You are all so right about him. Yesterday he said he might be free in the evening but then found he had his kids (14 & 18)for the eve and overnight, but would let me know if they were going out so i could go over. he said he's def let me now if he could see me. Later in the eve i suggested going out instead of going to his, if he was ok leaving them alone at home. he said it was no problem leaving the kids alone (always seemed to be before) but he couldn't go out as had now arrnaged for brother to come round

Tell him someone got you Ann Summers vouchers for your birthday and he is no longer required as you are getting yourself something more pleasurable and reliable but if he does want to get you something for your birthday a lifetime supply of duracell batteries won't go a miss!

That made me smile, thanks Marigold :)
What happened last night doesn't sound good does it? :(

To be fair it's never looked good has it? which is what everyone on here has been telling you. Just get shot of him, take back control and you will start to feel so much better. Think how you want to feel this time next year for your birthday - do you want to be in the same shitty situation or possibly be giving someone else the chance to spoil you? Being single at least would give you the chance to be thinking happy thoughts and thinking positive rather than relying on this bell end of a bloke that always always lets you down and brings you down.

You're right marigold. It;s almost like he just want a few texts a day and sex a couple of times a week. I'm going to do my nest not to text him today - please don't all shoot me if i do though. it's so hard, of course made worse my the horrific situation which goes on and on and on due to xh's delays

It's not almost like he just wants a few texts a day and sex a couple of times a week, it's exactly like thats all he wants. Strap a pair on and tell him to fuck off. Sorry if thats harsh. I know it's hard but this situation is worse.

You make me smile, Marigold :) I wonder why he texts first every day then - kind of weird...or maybe just to keep me "there".
he's just text now asking how i am today, but hasn't answere my tet from last night about what time we're meeting on monday

I think you need to stop analysing him theend and just move on. Why put yourself through this misery when you are already in a 'horrific situation'?

Know what you mean rinder. Made a little progress with the divorce today, and already thinking I can do better than him. Someone talked about a "transition" man before - i think he is it!
Please be here for me though, when/if i doubt myself

Not heard from him at all this evening which is very unusual - am resisting th urge to text him though...

Anyone there to help keep me from texting him?