Ok, so you don't need to be mystic Meg to work out what will happen next then do you?
He's incapable of having a relationship, you're desperate not to be single, no matter what you have to put up with, so you hang on, demeaning yourself, waiting and waiting for him to really care.
He won't. He can't. It's not even about you anyway! He can't with anyone, so, for him, if he gets what he wants, no effort, no investment then he'll do the bare minimum to keep you hooked.
You on the other hand think that you'll implode if you're found to be single for 5 minutes, so will accept less and less not to be seen so.
It's not working, other women have come and gone over the years and he still hasn't got it.
If you demand anything of him, he'll dump you. So you will go along with it all.
End it, deal with your life/divorce and allow yourself some space to heal, grieve and comfort your DC who will be suffering too. This 'distraction' may be stealing from the DC life too.
You're trying to convince yourself that this non-functioning man is your knight in shining armour, when the only person that can save you is YOU!
My boyf is with me now 6m, we plan, we meet, we talk. He's not jealous, nor I of him. No need.
Please understand that until you're divorced/not living with your ex, you will not attract decent blokes. I've siad it before, abd it's beenrepeated by others.
Please stop panicking, please start managing your life. Please focus on your DC for now.