Birthday....

[theendishere]

I've been seeing someone for about 4 months. It's my birthday in a few weeks and a month or so ago he suggested going away to a nice hotel overnight near the date to celebrate it. Since he first mentioned it he's not said any more about it and he can't ne planning a surprise as i have to plan in advance and my son will be with me on the actual day, so he can't be planning it for then.
last night i mentioned by texr that my son would be away with his dad the weekend before my birthday plus another couple of days and it would be good to arranged to see eachother more (didn't mention bday at this point). His text in reply said he was going to watch his beloved team palying football on the saturday but would be good to do things the rest of the time (the sunday and monday morning are out as he'll have his kids then). So i appears that the hotel stay isn't happeneing! I'd really hoped i'd see him on the sat before my birthday, regardless of what we were doing. I send a text ust saying "footbal on my birthday weekend!!! I think i'll forgive you"x" he hasn't replied. Due to see him later but worried i shouldn't have sent the text or mentioned my birthday...

Spooky - yes you could be right about a NSA fling - not really my sort of thing anyway.
Bumhead - yes you've summed it up well.Football is a far higher priority than me - and any woman, by the sound of it :(
That's pretty rubbish isn't it that he won't spend much time with me, but resents me spending it with other people.
Going to try to concentrate on something else now. Thanks for all your comments - I'll probably be back later if i need you lovely ladies to help keep me strong and not contacting him. Thank you all so much :)

He hasn't contacted you because you are probably driving him insane!
For all you know he could have gone to bed after you text him and now he's at work,all good reasons for not texting back-although I font beleive that for one minute.
You said you were sarky with your text-after 4 months I think regardless of his issues you sound like pretty hard work.the fact that you ate being told the same thing over and over again and you don't listen is frustrating-I can't imagine how fecking annoying that would be actually in a relationship.
Leave the guy alone-I actually have some sympathy for him,and I mean that in the nicest way honestly!leave him alone,give him some space,let him breathe!
Get your own head sorted,you are only going to attract dickheads if you carry on like this,and ffs why are you even contemplating another man?!
You should be spending this energy on you and your dc-instead of wasting your time chasing this man who has made it clear how important he thinks you are-don't you think you are worth a little bit more than this?!

guess we may b driving eachother insane then :(
He's not at work as been unemployed for 1.5 years since being made redundant - hence his depression.
yes uou're right - he's made it clear i'm of very little importance to him

honestly the fact that you are obsessing over men - you know when you consider leaving this one your first thought is who is lined up next - is really worrying. you're an adult! you're a parent. you are going through a divorce after having been in an abusive relationship and yet you're thinking and reasoning like a hormonal 14yo OP.

you need to get some therapy imo and really, really sort yourself out and hopefully grow some mature emotional intelligence and genuine self respect and esteem. if not for you for your son.

can you step back and see how crazy-lady this all is? is this how a mature adult deals with divorce and family breaking up?

seriously! do you think you are emotionally mature and well rounded? if not then you can do something about that if you face up to it and get your priorities in order. and who you're fucking or fancying or playing games with is really not your priority now.

time for big girls knickers and taking the wheel of your own life.

It's not actually my first thought who is line up next - although can see how it came accross that way!
I have lots of things planned with my son and friends over the next few weeks so will try focus on that, not a man was clearly was just after sex

Op have you heard from him? Where are you at with this now?
FWIW I understand you're having a shitty time with your XH and wanted this new guy to be something nice and fun for you but I do think (and I speak from past experience in very similar circumstances) you are vulnerable at this time and this guy isn't treating you as you deserve. You need someone lovely after all the shit you've been through and that prob won't happen until you spend some time finding out who the new you is. What I mean is you've been through a lot and you're soon to be divorced, you've changed from the person you were say a year ago.
So it's time to spend some time focussing on you and DS. What you like doing, where you like going, etc It's a fresh new start for you and you can't be carrying passengers. This guy is hitching a ride. xx

I ended up txting him to apologise for my stroppy text and he called me straight back. H hadn't forgotten my birthday, says he has something planned for the evening and still wants to see me.

So he's taking you away to a hotel like he said then is he?

Nope. he said he thought from what i'd said i wanted to celebrate my birthday on the actual day not the weekend before or after

And so it goes on.

How utterly depressing.

So I guess you have finished it then have you?as he's clearly lying,or are you going to swallow that load of crap and make excuses for him and carry on?

No not finished it. I'm not sure that he was lying

Well why don't you read your op because if he isn't lying then you are contradicting yourself because yhe whole point of this thread was because you said he told you he was going to take you away for your birthday.
You are coming across as desperate,why don't you get some self respect?

He did say he was going to, but we also talked about me wanting to do something on my actual birthday - guess it was either or...

Bluefrogs, bit harsh aren't you? Are you trying to help - or just enjoying being nasty?

I thought most of the advice you got on here was cynical LTB stuff.

Until I saw;
theendishere
I asked if he was taking the piss only being able to plan to tues, and he said i was taking the piss for having been out with my ex!!

Not funny, not a joke.
Kick him to the kerb.

Sorry, he's wasting your time and stringing you along.

Good on him his kids come first; leave him to enjoy them and his footie, while you find someone more worthwhile.

No,im not being nasty,have you read this whole thread?op has been given advice but continues to make excuses and chase after a man that clearly has no respect for her.she said he said he was going to take her away-now he's not after weeks of not mentioning it.
So she's happy to accept the crumbs he's offering her,shes making excuses for him,yes I think that looks desperate.
She shouldnt be happy to be treated like this,he's using her,she needs to get some self respect and ditch the loser.

Yes, I have read the whole thread; I just thought your comments above were aggressive and unhelpful, although I do agree with the essence of your points.

I'm really not a 'leave the bastard' poster usually,but this whole relationship is bonkers and very unhealthy.
I disagree with you thinking my comments were aggressive,I read far worse daily on mn,but there are children involved and op is not doing herself any favours-for her or her children.
Anyway this has been posted under various names recently with the same advice given and never heeded,frustrating to read she is accepting his behaviour without putting her own self worth first.

thanks for all your views and comments. I know it all sounds bad and he probably isn't that into me, but sometimes he does really seem to care

... but not enough theendishere (Oh how I wish it were...)

oh and btw, I have been FAR more direct than Bluefrogs on this thread and others. She's just used less words than I did!

What she said IS harsh, but its true.

The situation here is ridiculous. A grown woman still living under the same roof as her STBX, the divorce going through, and going out with someone who will drop her like a sack of shite if his (teenage) kids even squeak.

I've explained that no decent man will be attracted to someone in the midst of all this chaos, that no woman here would be advised to carry on seeing a man that was still living in the same house as his wife... we've ALL heard that one before.

I've gently pointed out that the OP will not be taken seriously by anyone until she gets out of her marriage, and ideally spends some alone time, to help herself and her DC to get through the trauma of separation and divorce.

All this stuff in less than 4m.

OP has been posting since 2m in, the situation is the same, the advice the same.

End your marriage, invest some time in yourself, FEEL what you are living, it's OK to hurt, it's part of life, we grow from it. Take the time to sort things out for your family going forward. Know yourself, know your good points, work on any you are unhappy with. THEN look for someone that will meet YOUR needs.

ATM the terrible fear of being single is causing our friend here to prostrate herself at his feet, text him, tell him off for being an unfeeling tosser, then beg him to let her apologise. To scrabble around looking for any crumb of proof that this man gives a shit. He doesn't.

He MIGHT if the OP actually broke it off and said that he was not being supportive enough, not there for her, too evasive and distant (which is why his last couple of relationships ended).. but if history is the best indicator of future behaviour.... probably not.

This relationship is not doing her any good at all. It's not going to change, he will never change tbh, but the OP will be totally destroyed by this, she will kick herself one day when she realises what a mistake she has made.

Rest assured though..... MN will be here to build you back up OP, to help you find the YOU that got lost in the marriage, that got trampled on by Mr Nowhere Near-Goodenough.

What a fuss about a flipping Birthday.Op,you sound very vulnerable.Ditch all men for a while and concentrate on your child and at the same time your self esteem.This bloke sounds like a complete loser so take some time out for yourself.

It's more that h said soething and then didn't carry it through - now apparently it was a misunderstanding or something..

BULLSHIT

and you know it OP. The only person you are fooling is yourself love.

Come on --don't be so desperate-he is just not that into you....