Birthday....

[theendishere]

I've been seeing someone for about 4 months. It's my birthday in a few weeks and a month or so ago he suggested going away to a nice hotel overnight near the date to celebrate it. Since he first mentioned it he's not said any more about it and he can't ne planning a surprise as i have to plan in advance and my son will be with me on the actual day, so he can't be planning it for then.
last night i mentioned by texr that my son would be away with his dad the weekend before my birthday plus another couple of days and it would be good to arranged to see eachother more (didn't mention bday at this point). His text in reply said he was going to watch his beloved team palying football on the saturday but would be good to do things the rest of the time (the sunday and monday morning are out as he'll have his kids then). So i appears that the hotel stay isn't happeneing! I'd really hoped i'd see him on the sat before my birthday, regardless of what we were doing. I send a text ust saying "footbal on my birthday weekend!!! I think i'll forgive you"x" he hasn't replied. Due to see him later but worried i shouldn't have sent the text or mentioned my birthday...

Stuffit - it's still on atm, but when i left him today, but we haven't arrnaged another day to see eachother yet..

so your birthday has been and gone with nothing special arranged by (D)P

It seems you are happy to accept any crumbs of affection/attention that this loser throws your way.
It appears that your so desperate and your self esteme so low that you think this relationship is all you can get.
I truely feel sorry for you and your DC who are living with you while you are chasing this futile relationship

You have posted all about your birthday---that was your deadline, well that has passed and you are no further forward.

You have been given loads of support and advice on this thread but ultimatly it's your decision, your life and time to waste.

I wish you luck theendishere, lfear you need it.

I'm leaving this thread, i've given up

Not entirely true that nothing special was arranged - he booked a restaurant he knows i like and bought a thoughtful present

theendishere, you have asked several times for people to stick with you. But when someone like FermezLaBouche times the time and opens her heart and experiences to you, you do not even have the courtesy to acknowledge her post. I personally find that to be really, really rude.

You know, many people on here are going through a shit time. You are not the only one and actually, you are doing nothing to help yourself in this particular instance. Open your eyes, stop seeing the twat and move on. Take time to focus on you and your son. No-one else is important at the moment.

• takes the time....

op when was your birthday?

It was a few days ago

Rinder - apologies for offending you.

He texted this evening asking how my day was, i've not replied..

After seeing him for 4 months, his choice of birthday card/lack of "affection" written in it was a little surprising. It was like a card you'd give a friend. Alos his present, whilst thoughtful, cost next to nothing (he has plenty of money to spare)

Theend What exactly were you expecting??

He is just not that into you.

Move on.

A card more meant for a girlfriend than a friend i suppose. And a slightly more generous present, it was only about the same as a present i bought for him after 3 dates! and he is considerable better off than me.

All this agonising over tiny details like whether he adds x's to texts etc etc may be distracting you by taking up your thinking, but to me such agonising wouldn't be worth it.

If it's any help, I would have loved Ex to do restaurant, card and present for my birthday. I didn't care about these things at the start, then later on when I needed a bit of romance, he just could not be bothered. How does your Ex compare with your current bloke on the 'birthday attentiveness' scale?

How far on in the settlement are you? When are you likely to no longer be living with ex?

This thread cannot be for real. I've just read the whole thing and that's 30 minutes of my life I'm not getting back. Please someone tell me it is an elaborate wind up. My diary from when I was 14 is full of this kind of obsessiveness and even 20 year on, I cringe when I read it.

OP if I were you I would take all the good advice given on this thread - that is have some self respect & end it and focus on my kids. However, if I was determined to embarrass myself, I'd at least try to be a bit more circumspect about it. Good luck.

must confess i'm beginning to wonder if the OP has some kind of issues or condition that could account for the emotional immaturity and self obsession displayed.

and i too have found the ignoring of people who have bothered to write considered and personal posts breathtakingly rude.

There seems to be a lot of similar threads lately. Short term relationship, not that into it. Are they all the same OP?

Either dump him or put up with the way he treats you, and accept he doesn't conform to your ideal picture of how a boyfriend should behave. However, please please stop making out that you're a 'victim' in this. By keep texting him and seeing him you're allowing him to treat you this way.

Maybe now is the time to stop seeing him and deal with your own insecurities so that when you start dating you have a positive self image and can have a mature and adult relationship. The longer this goes on the more destructive it will become on you.

I'm thinking this is a wind up now.

I thought I had a child-like attitude to my birthday but Op you win hands down!

On the slim chance this isn't a wind up, Op he has told you he can't give you more than he is doing, even if your circumstances change, he doesn't want to. He doesn't see this as a serious relationship.
That isn't going to change.
If it isn't a wind up then you have some serious issues (possibly MH?) in that you need the attention from us (shall I text him etc) or from him.
No-one can help those who won't help themselves.
And if this is a wind up, fucking hell get a life!

stuffit - until a few weeks ago i was expecting what he'd said he'd do - ie the hotel break. If he hadn't mentioned the hotel, then it wouldn't have been an issue. But as many of you have said, it wasn't nice of him to talk about it and then do nothing about arranging it. What many of you have said about this is all i will ever get form him is true i think. I feel that even if i were settled in my new place , things would still be the same with him.
His kids come first (as i would hope and expect) and then football. he says he can't plan to see me at the weekend because his daughter might need lifts to places,(the mum works all weekend and is usually out in the evenings) etc. However every 2/3 weeks he can plan to spend most of saturday at football. Says alot doesn't it. I know i'm not doing very well, it was supposed to bbe a bit of fun, but i got emotionally very attached to him - he clearly doesn't feel the same.
I'm doing a bit better today - still havent replied to his text, so still not plans to meet again.
Sorry if i've annoyed/offended anyone - not my intention and i do apprecaite all of your comments :)

This is my last contribution as well.

OP I genuinely wish you the best, but what you are looking for is not constructive advice, (of which you've had a lot,) it's a bunch of girls to sit around you saying "oooooh, yes he's a sod," "men are crap but they're all the same" etc.
You've told us you're in a shit relationship and we've all agreed. You either accept that's the best you expect out of life or you start thinking more of yourself and stay single until someone decent comes along.
Good luck.

OP, you haven't offended me - I have a much thicker skin than that - irritated me is closer to the truth.

You seem to pick and choose which posts you respond to and ignore posts where people have chosen to open themselves to you, with the wish to give you the benefit of their experience and advice. Thankfully I haven't been in a 'relationship' such as this (or if I have it was a very. very long time ago and I chosen to forget about it), and so haven't felt the need to detail my experiences. But other people have, and you have been so self-obsessed and have such a one track mind (this awful part time boyfriend) that you have ignored all of the best advice on here.

How do you expect people to stick with you if you continue to ignore them, and the time and advice they have given you?

In the words of some bloke on Dragons' Den, I'm out.

I hope this bloke isn't the best i can expect! I've got myself far too attached to him when he clearly isn't going to give anymore than he does atm.

I must be learning and taking in your comments more now - i'm doing well (for me) - I've still not contacted him.

I really do appreciate your comments - and yes i do get lonely - so good to have people to chat to one here. All my RL friends are married and busy with family life most of the time, so i sometimes feel very isolated being a single mum

Update - I'm still trying to be strong - still haven't replied to him and will try to make it stay that way. Got a few nights of with the girls planned too :)
Thanks for helping me see what was staring me in the face, but i just didn't want to see. x

Christ I hope you've kept away from.this loser! Seriously, step back and look at yourself. You don't need someone like this in your life.