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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

My husband has been having an affair and is leaving me

828 replies

DaydreamDolly · 08/10/2012 02:19

I can't believe I'm writing this. 2 DD's youngest 6 months. Been going on 2 yrs on and off. He loves her. I'm devastated. What am I going to do? He told me at 10pm so I haven't told anyone in RL yet.

OP posts:

ToothbrushThief · 27/10/2012 09:48

Morning Dolly. What are your plans for today? Beautiful day here. I'm doing a but of DIY, taking DD out for a walk with the dog, dropping her to her Dad and then ....date night :)

Doha · 27/10/2012 16:05

Hi MyDonkey Teenage DD parents fan club fellow member. The trials and tribulations continue but l wouldn't swap her for the world.

These are the things you have to look forward to with your DD's Dolly hours and hours of laughter and tears but l wouldn't change a thing, your ex has thrown everything away for a thrill and a deep sense of entitlement.
Very soon you will be hearing that he left because you were unreasonable, etc but as long as you and those that matter know the truth that's all that matters.

Hope you have a good day Dolly---the snow here has all but melted yay!!!!!!

Teamthrills · 28/10/2012 07:12

How are you doing Dolly?

MyDonkeysAZombie · 28/10/2012 15:10

I thought of Dolly when mention of the Grand Prix came on the radio. How are you, how are your beautiful girls?

Looksgoodingravy · 28/10/2012 17:25

How are you Dolly?

Original poster

DaydreamDolly · 28/10/2012 21:11

Hi all you lovely women who have thought of me and my girls today. We are ok. Tired due to a very bad night last night with coughs and colds (there were 3 in the bed) so about to retire! Fighting against the lonely feeling. He has apparently moved into a flat alone today. Not split with the lovely lady he is with but is getting 'distance' I only hope she rejects him too once he's had 'time to sort his head out' The Beautiful South song I need a little time springs to mind....
3 things;

DD1 asked me at 4am if she could be a horse rider when she grew up
DD2 is so cuddly and such a mummy's girl, we've had lots of snuggles today
my sister had me over for a relaxed Sunday lunch with films for the kids, papers and coffee for the grown ups. Was nice to see a functional family and be part of it.

OP posts:

MyDonkeysAZombie · 28/10/2012 21:23

A "horse rider" awww! 4 am God love her but how do you function at that time.

Glad your sister had you three round. Just nice to flop down and feel you can rest up and not dwell on you-know-who.

deleted203 · 28/10/2012 21:43

Evening Dolly, hope you have a good night's sleep tonight. Sunday lunch at your sister's sounds lovely. When you are feeling low, just go back and read your first couple of posts on this thread - and then look at how far you have come in just 3 weeks. And in 3 weeks his rose tinted spectacles about his OW have already dropped away. 3 weeks ago he apparently 'loved' her and was leaving his family to be with her.....and now he is already moving into his own place as he needs 'space'.

He is a complete loser and you are a complete star. Much love to you and your lovely girls.

ToothbrushThief · 29/10/2012 08:55

Hard to not feel v involved in what's happening in his life and how it might impact on you. My DD arrived home yesterday to tell me ex had split with his g/f again.... He took her to another woman's house on Saturday (the only night a fortnight he had her) I can't help but wonder what impact this will have on DD. Last g/f did not share my parenting style but seemed to be caring towards DD.

His life is chaotic (perhaps he is a thrill seeker as well!) I comfort myself frequently with the thought that I am no longer part of that chaos.

Sunday lunch sounds good. I know what you mean by that

One day you'll spend time with a married but dysfunctional family and realise that single can be really quite high up the scale of 'how to be happy'. :)

Christina Perrri's Jar of Hearts was a song which I thought spelt it out for me

LouP19 · 30/10/2012 14:30

Dolly I've been dipping in and out of your thread for the last few weeks, but haven't posted yet. Just to say I think you're amazing. . My Twunt of a H walked out with no warning on 1st August (he moved out whilst I was at work). I've since found out I'm pregnant and his mistress is too,........

Anyway, it's tough, but I've found new strength I didn't even know I had in me. Even though I've had some shit days and I know the next few months are going to be hard. But whenever I've looked at your thread it's always lifted me a bit. I hope you're doing ok.

smoothieooo · 30/10/2012 15:06

De-lurking again Dolly to admire your awesome dignity. It's lovely that you have supportive people (including in-laws) around you.

And also wanted to say hi to LouP - I followed all of your earlier threads and you were another study in dignified awesomeness and I really hope you're doing well.

Teamthrills · 31/10/2012 23:13

How are you at the moment Dolly?

regnamechange · 01/11/2012 19:22

Also wondering how you are

coolkat · 03/11/2012 09:38

Hope you are ok dolly

Looksgoodingravy · 03/11/2012 09:49

How are you doing Dolly?

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 03/11/2012 10:55

Hope you are all right and if you don't have time to update, whatever is happening we only wish you the best, take care.

Abitwobblynow · 03/11/2012 17:01

Dolly, I just wanted to say that you have shown the most incredible sense of your own dignity and worth, wow you are a lesson to all women.

And, if he has received the most enormous fright and woken up to what is important to his life really, and is showing signs that he is 'getting it', that you might be talking to him.

And, you know, that is fine. AS LONG as he agrees to go to counselling, is prepared to be challenged on what an immature knobhead he is inside, and is prepared to do the hard work to seriously look at the way he thinks and views the world, and changes.

One thing is for sure: he will never f k with you again. You go, girl, and let us know how you are doing/what you have decided.

Abitwobblynow · 03/11/2012 17:03

And I absolutely love your FIL, who, rarely, has done the right thing and told a badly behaved destructive man exactly what he thinks of him and has NOT gone and 'supported' him, who called him on what a waste of space of a man his son really is.

Were more men like your FIL.

Auntienokids · 03/11/2012 22:15

Hi Dolly, read your thread, brilliant advice from all, male and female! re OW reality is v. different from lusty head in the clouds. If OW is single the culture shock of partner with young kids and financial commitments is not attractive. I predict that this will be short lived, 2 years of illicit affair is no comparison with real life relationship, also has she had boyfriend is this over 2 years? she's obvioulsy running a duplicitous life and will have her own s* to deal with, leaving a boyfriend for a guy with a wife and young kids? hardly top of "what I want to do whan I grow up" list. Keep strong, you're doing great and it sounds like DH is feeling like he's had the back of his neck under the cold tap. There is something called counting bricks which is what you do in prison, staring at the ceiling, nothing on your hands to do but think! that is what is happening now to your DH, and he is now for the first time contemplating the results of his actions, For everyone.

MummyIsMagic79 · 06/11/2012 13:33

well done so far dolly, you've more strength than me xx

MoppingMummy · 06/11/2012 13:35

Wow Mummy, I just found this thread again & am also thinking of Dolly. I hope you and your girls are doing well.

MadameCastafiore · 06/11/2012 14:07

Bloody hell Dolly you are an inspiration.

In my opinion you have had a lucky escape - this is a new life for you and one where you will be fulfilled not saddled with a sad sack of shit. I bet it was a shock for his bloody ego when you told him to get lost, not what he was expecting I presume.

You really are a truely great woman.

skyebluesapphire · 06/11/2012 14:08

How are you doing Dolly ?

Original poster

DaydreamDolly · 06/11/2012 19:57

Hi to you all! Thank you so much for your recent posts, sorry I have only just seen them.
I am continuing to go from strength to strength. I do not, ever, want him back and have made this clear. He seems to be struggling with this (diddums!)
He has moved out of OW's house and is moving into a rented flat near to where me and the girls live at the weekend. He continues to message me daily, all aski about the girls. Some I reply to, some I just can't be bothered to reply to!
I went to a wedding Saturday night and had the most fun I've had in years. It was filled with all my old friends from back in the day and I had a riot, catching up and dancing all night to a live band. I may even have been flirted with a little
The girls are just fine and I am looking forward to the future. Him? Not so much. He was here last night to take DD1 to the fireworks and when I was upstairs my phone bleeped, and he went and looked at it He saw it was a text from a number with no name against it and was tearful asking if it was another man. The cheek of him! I truly feel pity for him and nothing else. It is liberating!

OP posts:

coolkat · 06/11/2012 19:59

So pleased to hear from you and that you and the girls are doing ok.

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