My husband has been having an affair and is leaving me

[DaydreamDolly]

I can't believe I'm writing this. 2 DD's youngest 6 months. Been going on 2 yrs on and off. He loves her. I'm devastated. What am I going to do? He told me at 10pm so I haven't told anyone in RL yet.

Remember, STBX is short for shitbox.

The wedding ring meant nothing when he was wearing it, he might as well take it off.

Make sure to get his keys.

That's not his home any more.

My STBXH took his ring off when he left. I wore mine I til I filed for divorce.

dyeintheear - great post. I did the same as you, threw my pride and dignity out the window against all advice on here.

Another good point made by somebody was "I'm not friends with people like that". I said the same to STBXH when he texted I am sorry for hurting you. I still care about you and hope we can be friends. I texted back "no you don't care about me and I do not have friends who treat people like you do".

You are doing so well. Get the keys back if you can. My twunt wouldn't do I said well give me a set to your house then? If you can wander in here any time I should be able to wander round yours any time. He soon handed them over. Lol.

This happened to me ten years ago, Dolly, and I wish you well, I really do. I wish I had had Mumsnet back then. So much support on here.

Dolly, I have no advice - I just wanted to commend you and wish you and your LOs well. I am sorry this happened to you and your family. - I

Hi dolly

I hope you are ok. It must be very painful to see him without his ring even if you know it is over and that you're better off without him. I know it hurts.

I hope you manage to relax after he's gone tonight.

Will be thinking of you.

Hope you're ok Dolly? Thinking of you. You'll go through a series of "firsts". This is a biggie - the first time after he left. Done.
Wedding ring - meh. He should have taken it off some time ago. He's a shitting shitbag.

Izzyin - I flipping luffs you. Wish I'd known you when my twunt did the dirty.

I feel the same about the amazing Izzy! I did have a couple of RL friends thankfully who helped.

I would have been so tempted to send a text back

stop harrassing me with these self absorbed and egotistic text messages

You have some great advise on here,
grieve for what could have been and then move on to a new life for you and your family

Hope your ok. Thinking of you. Be strong

Oh Dolly :(
You have great advice on here but I wonder if you're able to take it all in through such a horrible time.

Your ex is a self indulgent arse and screwing you over still

I love the perfume keys plan

I do wish I had behaved in such a contained way when it happened to me. Good luck to you Dolly - I think the advice you have had here is excellent. You will have good and bad days ahead, emotional rollercoaster is an understatement. As time goes on I find I get upset and still so angry but recover much quicker, square my shoulders and somehow keep plodding on. That is all you can do really - just keep swimming.

Re: Wedding Ring. I agree with what ATHING said, it meant nothing to him. My STBXH sold his the day he left to buy OW a present. He now goes around wearing a £14.99 ring she bought him from Argos! As for mine, well he pawned that a long time ago.

Just remember what ever he promises is likely never to be counted upon. My STBXH promised to pay his bills - he doesnt, pay the mortgage - he doesnt and pay for his children- he doesnt, see his children twice a week for two hours at a time - he doesnt. Your husband and all those others that have left their wives and partners think only of themselves and what their new lives will hold. We are the past and are not part of their future. But in all honesty I wouldnt want to be a part of the future of a man who says he loves his children but always puts them behind the whims of the OW. Now that really sound bitter!!!

As for wanting to be 'your friend' my STBXH said that too. I told him he lost my friendship the moment he walked out on his children without a look over his shoulder. Anyway I'm very selective when it comes to friends and I wouldn't choose him.

My STBXH left seven months ago, its been difficult at times but friends and family have been wonderful. Without them I wouldnt have gotten through those first difficult dark weeks butI know that the reality is I'm better off without him and the neglect that my children and I suffered from. I have two beautiful and loving DC, they lighten my dark days and make my world a better place - he is missing that not me.

Hope you got through the evening Dolly.

Well done izzy,
Op my dh left for an ow when my dc were 18 16 12 and 8 months. Like you I was devastated and like you I knew it was the end no matter what.
Keep focused and busy. Have minimal contact and above all keep your dignity. When you are at your lowest that will keep you going, I even said a few choice phrases like "I had been feeling as if we should split" just so he couldn't be so smug.
The next few weeks will be a painful blur but when you emerge bruised but ready to face life it will be an exciting 2nd chance to achieve happiness for you and your babies. Me and my kids did so much together without him and built even closer bonds.
I became a different more confident woman who was fulfilled and not living half a life.
Good luck, you're gonna have a ball x

Hope your evening went well Dolly. Just keep swimming.

Hope you've had a nice evening, Dolly. x

How are things?

Thinking of you Dolly, and hoping you're hanging on in there. x

Ok so I was wrong the wedding ring is still on which I think, irrationally makes me more angry
He was trying to send me jokey texts whilst I was out 'are you getting a cat?! Brilliant I would have done exactly the same!!' And 'are you going to eat that roast dinner in the fridge?' I was replying 1 word answers. So when I got home he jumped up and went straight to the door like a poor poor victim, sheepish saying 'DD1 wouldn't cuddle me' I said 'Ah well shit happens' he said 'thanks' and left. Then phoned me and asked if I wanted any money to see me through the month! I said yes please transfer a few hundred, thanks. And hung up.

I hope he didn't eat the roast dinner!!

Sorry he is so concerned with himself Dolly! Is it really helpful to hear from him? Must be so hard to know what you need, but maybe a few days without any contact would give you a breather? Hope you are getting good support in rl x

Unless it was the exlax roast dinner you left specially for him...

Kitty that's exactly what this is all about. His only main concern is himself