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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

got a date tonight and I'm getting nervous!

363 replies

CrispyHedgehog · 24/09/2012 16:50

help!!!!

OP posts:
CrispyHedgehog · 15/10/2012 11:19

Sorry for not coming back sad, and I'm sorry for worrying you xx

I'm ok.. I took one of those diazepams the gp gave me and went to sleep.

There's another thread about date rape I just saw, and I'd really like to post something to help the op but I just can't find the words.

OP posts:
HappyHalloweenMotherFucker · 15/10/2012 11:27

Just concentrate on yourself, crispy

This is your thread and we are here for you

PeppermintPasty · 16/10/2012 11:29

Been thinking about you Crispy, hope things are going along ok. Hope your DD is recovering well xx

aleene · 19/10/2012 16:44

Hope you are okay Cripsy, been thinking of you today x

tschiffely · 19/10/2012 17:05

Another one here thinking of you Crispy x

NicholasTeakozy · 19/10/2012 18:46

Hi Crispy, have they finally taken a statement from you?

Movergirl · 19/10/2012 22:30

Hope it went well. Am in kind of same position- but didn't meet in A & E. Friend has set me up with doc- but am getting nervous about bedroom side of things (although probably a tad presumptuous to even be thinking that far ahead..). Has anyone else had any similar experiences with medics? (I'm in accountancy). Advice please..

aleene · 20/10/2012 01:49

Movergirl, I'm afraid dating is no longer the focus of this thread.

CrispyHedgehog · 20/10/2012 09:48

Sorry I've not been back for a while.

No, it was postponed again, the officer dealing with my case was held up in court.
I think because I destroyed all the evidence and didn't report soon enough, I'm not a high priority because the chances of a conviction, or of it even getting to court are pretty low, so I expect they need to use their limited resources elsewhere. I can understand that from their pov and in some respects I'm even relieved.

OP posts:
NicholasTeakozy · 20/10/2012 10:49

Morning Crispy, no need to apologise.

I understand your relief, and the reasons why you're not being treated as a priority. What you are doing (reporting and making a statement) is important. If it gets into the local media other women might then come forward. At the very least the police will arrest him which could cause him to stop raping other women.

izzyizin · 20/10/2012 17:58

I just want to reaasure you that having reported this crime and in subsequently making a statement at some point, in NO WAY will this come to the attention of the media, Crispy.

However, if, after making your statement, he is arrested on suspicion of committing a criminal offence/brought in for questioning and this matter were to come to the attention of the press, the media would be free to report but, as you are guaranteed anonymity, your name will not appear at ANY time during the proceedings - or after the matter is concluded unless you waive your right to anonymity.

Don't worry, honey; there's no way you're going to wake up to find your name splashed all over the newspapers, but I have a sneaky but unrealsitic hope that he will as I have no doubt that it will encourage other victims to come forward.

Did you get to that pub, btw?

CrispyHedgehog · 21/10/2012 15:44

oh blimey I hadn't even thought about the media.
I did wonder how his other potential victims (if there are any) would get to hear about it and just thought it would be through word of mouth/gossip once he'd been arrested.

Haven't heard anything from the police yet, I expect I will do during the week.. might just send an email to gently remind them.

I'm ok, just having a quiet time of it for now, getting ready to hibernate for the winter because I feel the cold terribly and I dread it. So I've been eating a lot of crap and managed to put on half a stone which is not good for a shortarse like me :/

Thanks again all of you.. I'd never survive this without you xx

OP posts:
izzyizin · 21/10/2012 16:17

I seem to recall that the media/press was something you'd thought about way back in the thread, Crispy, when you expressed some concern as to people 'knowing' about what had happened and your name being bandied around but that won't happen because victims of rape are guaranteed anonymity.

However, that anonymity is not extended to the accused and if he's arrested on suspicion of or otherwise brought in for questioning, he'd be fair game if the press were to learn of it.

The days of reporters for local rags hanging around police stations to source stories are long gone, but tip offs occur iyswim and there are ways to get names 'out there'.

If he were to be formally charged with an offence he would be required to report it to his employer. Maybe someone who works for the NHS can comment on whether an arrest 'on suspicion of' pending further investigation by the police is an event that should be similarly reported?

Although he uses his employment to source victims he's unlikely to target any female he treats or who can be considered one of his 'patients', but I suspect there will have been some overlap somewhere along the line. I also suspect that he may have tried it on with other hospital personnel and, if the gossip factory were to go into production, the chances are that few will be unduly surprised that he's been accused of committing a sexual offence.

If it keeps you warmer, dont worry about the extra padding you've acquired for the winter months but maybe think about thermal underwear to save on heating bills Smile

DreamingofSummer · 29/10/2012 11:49

Crispy

How's things? Hope you are OK

CrispyHedgehog · 02/11/2012 09:11

Sorry I've not updated.. truth is there's nothing new to tell.
The police don't seem interested at all.. have had several appointments arranged with them to make a statement which have then been cancelled (by them)

I give up.

OP posts:
tallwivglasses · 02/11/2012 11:21

That's awful Shock Please don't give up Crispy. Have you spoken to rape crisis? Been back to your GP? You sound really low.

Lueji · 02/11/2012 11:31
Angry

Honestly, I'd be inclined to show up at the police station and give a statement to the duty police officer.

Or lodge a complaint.

aleene · 02/11/2012 19:40

What Lueji and Tall WivGlasses said.

I would say don't be disheartened. The police must have huge caseloads and their cases must be everchanging. You may feel forgotten but your case is probably buried under others. That doesn't sound very positive but what I am trying to say is make contact again, you will be on a list somewhere of cases to follow up.

peedoffbird · 05/11/2012 02:58

Hi Crispy. Thinking about you and wondering how you're doing. Hope all is well x

CrispyHedgehog · 05/11/2012 10:52

I don't think it's something to make a complaint about, just that they have more urgent cases that take priority, as aleene said, and I fully understand that.

Tbh, life in general is pretty shit at the moment, the credit crunch is biting my arse and I'm struggling a bit. Plus I think the darkness outside is affecting my moods quite badly and I do feel low. I need to make a gp appt because I'm finding myself idly wondering what it would be like to step in front of a train and stuff like that.. there's no intent behind it but just the thoughts are worrying I think. I've been taking 20mg of prozac for about a month but it doesn't seem to help.

OP posts:
PeppermintPasty · 05/11/2012 10:56

That is worrying Crispy, even to "idly" wonder. Do get to your GP. And do you feel strong enough to push it with the police? Finally reporting it may help some of the dark clouds lift. I'm actually quite shocked that they have taken such a casual attitude about this, I think they need a boot up their collective arse!

izzyizin · 05/11/2012 13:13

The problem is that Sapphire has been overtaken and overwhelmed by the JS inquiries, Crispy, but I would urge you to make phone contact with whatever officer you've been dealing with and explain that the continual delaying of giving a statement is beginning to have an adverse effect on your health.

As a fellow SAD (seasonal affective disorder) sufferer, even when it's cloudy/wet I make sure that I get out into daylight for at least half an hour each day.

I also invested in a daylight therapy lamp which does make a difference and would urge you to get (and use!) one - they're reasonably priced on eBay and other outlets.

It can take some weeks for Prozac to kick in. If your thoughts are continually turning to 'wondering' what it would be like to end it all by whatever means, get back to your GP.

Upthread I expressed the view that making a statement won't necessarily bring him to justice, but it will help you move forward and you desperately need that piece of closure to do so. If Sapphire aren't forthcoming perhaps your doctor could chivvy them along on your behalf?

Have you done anything about smudging? Buy the sage sticks eBay and diy - it will help to change the atmosphere in your home and you can smudge yourself too!!

AnyFucker · 05/11/2012 13:16

hello again, crispy

sorry you are feeling so low

go back to your gp and tell them how you are feeling

you may need your meds adjusting

AnyFucker · 05/11/2012 13:17

smudging ? Confused

PeppermintPasty · 05/11/2012 13:24

yes do tell izzy. Sounds a right old hippy thing Wink I am agog.