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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

got a date tonight and I'm getting nervous!

363 replies

CrispyHedgehog · 24/09/2012 16:50

help!!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
CrispyHedgehog · 04/10/2012 21:27

Thanks again all of you.. no response yet still. I've got a hospital appointment tomorrow but I might ring 101 on Saturday if I don't hear from them.. my determination is kicking in I think at long last.

Nicholas I'm not so young I'm afraid.. 43 39. Certainly old enough to have had more sense :/

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 04/10/2012 21:37

< ahem >

HRH008 · 05/10/2012 07:39

Think back to all those times you were with someone who could have taken advantage. And they didn`t. I´ve been on the point (literally, naked, about to start) of having sex with someone and then (for lots of complicated, hormonal, drunken reasons) changed my mind... and the sex stopped.

"Normal" human beings don`t take advantage.

You have plenty of sense. You just expected him to behave like a normal human being.

NicholasTeakozy · 05/10/2012 09:54

Crispy there is nothing you did wrong, please do not blame yourself. That c&p thread I sent you shows that these predators seem to share the same MO.

Like HRH says, a normal man doesn't rape women, he listens when she asks him to stop.

Good luck at the hospital and with the police. Hopefully him getting arrested will persuade some of his other victims to come forward.

PeppermintPasty · 05/10/2012 10:21

Morning Crispy...all power to your elbow, good luck if they contact you today.

LIttleMissTickles · 05/10/2012 15:52

How are you doing today Crispy?

HRH008 · 05/10/2012 17:36

Sorry, just incase the word "stop" never came up ... it doesnt have to ... even if you didnt say a single word, he KNEW what he was doing, and he KNEW that it was wrong.

izzyizin · 06/10/2012 10:37

Have you heard back from the Sapphire officer, Crispy? If not, I suggest you hold off on 101 as all roads will lead to the specialist officers of that unit, iyswim.

If you haven't heard, give them a call or send another email today.

Original poster
CrispyHedgehog · 06/10/2012 11:44

The sapphire officer called last night, she wanted to take a statement this afternoon but I've got a friend staying for the weekend so we're going to leave it til next week. She was very understanding of my fears and said I could pull out at any time.. not under any obligation etc. We're going to have a good talk about all the things that are bothering me when we meet. She's going to give me a call this afternoon just to see how things are etc.

Apparently there are no previous reports or complaints about him, but she said she wasn't really expecting to find any because they're so vigorously vetted in that job.

She thinks they'll probably go with sexual assault rather than rape because it's more likely to result in a conviction.

I got good news at the hospital yesterday.. I had some surgery a few weeks ago and while he was in there digging around, the surgeon found some growths in my stomach which were sent off for biopsies and stuff, so I've been shitting myself that it was something awful.. but it's not!!!! :o

OP posts:
izzyizin · 06/10/2012 12:32

Great result! That's the biggest relief for you Grin and you will feel more relief once you are able to articulate what happened to you to someone who's in a position to do something about it.

I'll add more over the weekend but, in the meantime, celebrate Wine your good news with your friend and don't worry unduly about next week.

DreamingofSummer · 06/10/2012 17:50

Crispy

Glad to hear the police are progressing this. Also really pleased about your good medical news. Stay strong and have a good weekend.

AnyFucker · 07/10/2012 14:40

Still with you here x

aleene · 07/10/2012 15:54

Glad you had good news from your surgeon Crispy.
Thinking of you.

LIttleMissTickles · 08/10/2012 17:01

Brew hope your Monday is ok Crispy.

Original poster
CrispyHedgehog · 08/10/2012 21:40

Thanks all of you xxx

Nothing new for me but yesterday had to take my dd to hospital by ambulance. She was having a mc. She didn't even know she was pregnant. She's never had regular or normal periods so didn't realise she was late. My poor girl is feeling the loss of something she didn't know she wanted til it was gone. Nothing I say is going to make her feel better. I just feel so sad for her :(

Selfishly I was terrified calling the ambulance in case it would be him.

I just wish I could make my little girl feel better.

OP posts:
2isamagicnumber · 08/10/2012 21:48

Oh crispy I'm so sorry for your dd. You've both had such terrible experiences recently. I hope your both OK. Please make sure you look after both yourself and your dd.

DreamingofSummer · 09/10/2012 10:54

Crispy

Loads more hugs

foofooyeah · 09/10/2012 10:56

Just popping in to see how you are. Sorry to hear about your daughter but I can so understand you being worried that he would be the paramedic to respond. I would have felt just the same.

Take care Crispy.

Original poster
CrispyHedgehog · 12/10/2012 09:33

Sorry I've not posted for a few days.. nothing new to tell you really.
Police want to see me for a statement on the 19th.. seems ages away and feels a bit that they're not that bothered Confused

DD is much better, we had the impression that she wouldn't be able to get pregnant so this was a big shock, but on the +ive side, we now know that she can, so when she and her dp feel it's right, they can try again.

The rest of my life just feels like a car crash atm, if it can go wrong it does.. washing machine and dishwasher both died, I lent a friend my car for a week while I was in hospital and they got two parking tickets which they now don't have the funds to pay for and a whole heap of other stupid crappy things.

Gahhhh next year has to be better doesn't it?

Thanks all of you so much for your support.. I will keep posting here if that's ok xx

OP posts:
NicholasTeakozy · 12/10/2012 13:04

Hi Crispy, sorry to read about your DD's MC and all your other bad news.

So they're making you wait another week? That's a bit rubbish IMO. Still, we're here if you need a virtual hand hold.

DreamingofSummer · 12/10/2012 13:09

Crispy

Thanks for the update. Sending you ongoing support - take care

Lueji · 12/10/2012 13:32

Concentrate on thinking that they will be taking your statement.
That is a good thing, even if it takes time.

On the parking ticket, I'd make it clear to friends that I'd be lending them the money and would expect payment soon.
They were idots. And I wonder if they knew they would probably get a ticket but didn't mind, because you'd be paying it. Hmm

I'm glad your DD is feeling better.
If I'm not mistaken about 1/4 of pregnancies end in miscarriage, unfortunately, but it is always a good sign that she can get pregnant, indeed.

Original poster
CrispyHedgehog · 14/10/2012 18:21

I dunno what's wrong with me, feeling really really low today. I almost wish I wasn't here anymore.

OP posts:
sadbutproud · 14/10/2012 19:30

oh Crispy Sad, it's probably all starting to sink in a bit now and with everything that has happened with your dd too. Do you have a friend that can come over? Maybe a visit to the gp again tomorrow may help?

08457 90 90 90 samaritans number
0808 02 9999 rape crisis centre

don't be alone, keep talking on here

sadbutproud · 14/10/2012 21:11

crispy can you let us know you're ok Smile