Thanks for the nudge AF! I did see this thread when it was first written, and with hindsight ought to have known it was one of these threads, the one that start out as one thing and end up another.
I can't better any of the advice given to you here, but I will tell you that 2 years ago I was in a similar situation, terrified that I'd be left alone by someone who was just so unpredictably vile and or fairly nice to me. I felt at times as if I'd gone mad, I took ADs early on, but realised my panic wasn't irrational and something I could medicate, as there was real fear. In the end I gave up my life as An independent person, so he calmed down and I managed life.
There was the 3yrs in his country, a sentence imposed upon me by him, in almost complete isolation, but constant nasty/nice cycle. I was surrounded by the locals, all abusing their wives/kids, so it was normal, and there was no support.
2 years ago, through MINUTE I knew that what was happening to me was wrong, was not my fault, and that I had to do something about it.
Ex at the same time was threatening to leave, I was petrified, but somehow knew he had to go.
His leaving was physically excruciating, but rapidly, as you are seeing, the benefits of him going are becoming apparent to you.
After a few non-months, where I just put my one foot in front of the other, clinging to the only support in my life (MN), the fog and the darkness really began to lift. Many of those I owe so much to are here on this thread btw, I'll be forever grateful to them for their kindness.
My family all threw me under the bus, couldn't get away from me fast enough. I had no-one in RL.
With MN cheering me on, I read Why Does He Do That, I called WA, but just to give me the strength to call up and book myself onto The Freedom Programme, and eventually I've done counselling.
18m after he left, my life is unrecognisable, I'm no longer agoraphobic, I now have a FT job, am getting by, and actually started to think about dating again at the end of last year. I'm now 5m in to a superbly wonderful and loving relationship with the nicest man I've ever met.
I have days where I pinch myself. It's a far cry from being locked up in a flat with no phone, telly, internet or anything for 10wks, or being hit for asking for my own money back. That was the old me. It'll never happen again.
You're not mad, you're not depressed. You're life is being subjected to emotional terrorism.
You got him out of your home, now all you have to do is keep him out and in a year or so, you could feel like I do. I wish this happiness and freedom for everyone. Living a life of normal is the most wonderful thing there is! I'm like a toddler sometimes, wide-eyed with wonder at how good life CAN really be! I wouldn't be here without MN,of this I'm certain.
I"m not superwoman, I'm just like you, and I'll be here for you, whenever you need to be heard, as will all the others. You've got MN in your corner now love, you can't lose!
((((hugs))))