Upset :(

[thekidsmum218]

Hi all.
I'm new to mumsnet so i hope i'm posting in the right place. Here goes..
In August i was 30, normally i dread birthdays but i was really excited about this one. I had been going on about it to my OH all year lol.
He had promised to take me away for the weekend and he said he was going to spoil me. Instead he went on his mates stag weekend a few days before and then on my birthday he seen me for maybe 5 minutes, in his car!
He got me nothing, just a card because he said he had no money. Even though he could afford to go abroad with his mates and he's at the pub every weekend.

He said he was going to make it up to me and he was going to take me out last week, instead he went white water rafting with his mates. He thinks i'm making a big deal out of it but he has really hurt me. His mums birthday is a week after mine and he managed to get her a gift. Am i being daft?

Hully

He sounds awful OP, no wonder you are all over the place - he has left you, you know this don't you? He is spinning you a line so that he can leave you in debt and not take responsibility for his children. He is a fucking worm - please get some legal advice, you deserve so much better than this.

Of course you want to feel special, we all do - but this man is only ever going to make you feel terrible. Find someone who deserves you

I have nothing of any help to add here tbh but couldn't read and not say anything.

my dd's dad was like this, slightly worse, my birthday he didn't even say happy birthday let alone treat me to anything and it wasn't as if he could have forgotten because his birthday was a day before mine!!! anyway my point is I broke up with him a year ago and am now super happy with a lovely man that looks after me and dd extremly well :) I'm better now in every aspect :)

if your fellas not cutting it, cut him off.

I'm really glad you had the strength to kick him out when he made his power play to get you to support him financially. I would advise putting in a claim for maintenance from CSA as he sounds so cowardly and irresponsible it may take some stress away from you.

It sounds as though he is withdrawing affection to punish you now so that you will beg him to come back.

You will be better off without him. Cut him out of your heart.

I don't think i'm strong enough to end the relationship really. To be honest i think he knows this and is playing on this. I think i'm heading towards a breakdown :(
No we're not married, he said he'll only ever marry once and not to me.
Once he did come home with a ring box, got down on one knee and proposed. When i opened the box it was empty. He was just joking and laughed at me.

It sounds like you might be a bit depressed, OP? Is it perhaps worth a chat with your GP about that?

I think he has mentally moved on from the relationship already & is living the life of Riley.

Have you got RL support?

It sounds like your self-esteem & confidence must be rock-bottom to be accepting this from him - I think working on these is the way to go.

I hope you can find a way to valuing yourself more

No, he has to pay towards the kids! They are his children. And you are not bipolar, you are having a normal emotional response to a very stressful situation.
He can't just walk away without paying!

Oxymoron from the moron - no money for maintenance but in pub every night getting drunk.

I suspect you are feeling destroyed because he is trying to destroy you.

Calling you bi-polar is just another way of control, to try and make you feel insane for having feelings. I know this type of man, controlling, manipulative and selfish...Next time he tries to throw at you that you are 'bi-polar' you can tell him he clearly has narcissistic personality disorder... and that he should go to the doctors...

So he's having his cake and eating it, while you run around doing all the hard work, working, child care, housework etc etc.

I'd say you need to properly end this 'relationship' because it doesn't sound loving or healthy. You'd be better off, it's not like you 'have' him now.

He is not committed to you, that much is clear.

Please speak to women's aid website they'll help you get strong enough to leave.

OMG Thekidsmum - please please please get away from this abusive cunt, that is the worse thing i have ever read on here - i could strangle the bastard for you.

The thing is, you ARE strong, you take care of three children, work and clean, you said this - you do this ON YOUR OWN, you are already a single parent, you don't need his extra baggage - i stand by what i said - solicitor, get what is rightfully yours and get him out of your life and out of your children's life, and please don't tell me he is a good dad, he isn't. Hes scum

OP I will get jumped on for being a benefit-basher here, but do you claim benefits whilst this useless arsepiece swans off white water rafting and throwing money that belongs to his kids down his neck at the pub ?

end your relationship (instead of this pretendy separation/dating bollocks), take him to the CSA for child support (I don't give a fuck of he is short of money, he could stop his rah-rah lifestyle for a start), look for a full time job and get your self respect back

this situation is bad for everyone important here, but great for him

After reading you r last post you really need to end this, now!

What a horrible man he is. Don't waste your time with him, please!

Right, I'll tell you this. You ARE strong enough to end this. You will reach inside yourself and pull out every ounce of strength you have, and you will break up with this loser.
And you will do this because, if you have a daughter, you will not want her to think she has to put up with this in a relationship and if you have a son, you don't want to raise him to think you treat women like this.

I am not one for screaming DITCH THE BASTARD IN A BIG DITCH, but he is horrible. Please go to the Drs on Monday and get rid if him. You and the kids really don't need this prat. The proposal and empty box has made me gasp because that's so vile.

If you're not feeling strong do you have a friend you could talk to? Family nearby? Someone that you can show this thread to and ask for RL help? It has ended but I think you need to tell someone else before it becomes real to you. I also think you need to take some sick leave and visit your doctor because stress is a physical as well as mental health issue.

Yes, where is the white-water-rafting money coming from?

Letting you open the box and then laughing at you when it was empty. That is one of the meanest things I've ever heard. and for you

Thanks for listening and taking the time to write to me. It feels so much better getting it out of my system.
I don't really tell my friends or my family how i feel because i'm so ashamed. Well that and the fact that my mum wants to run him over but that's another story lol.
I'm worried that i can't cope on my own, without him in my life.

I agree Pancakeflipper I also gasped at the fake proposal, what disgusting behavior from a so called man :/

My post above at 17:41 seems overly harsh and too direct in the light of your latest input, OP. I am really sorry.

He only makes your life more difficult lovely! When he is really gone you'll feel like a great weight has been lifted I'd bet my home on it! Even if you feel sad you WILL be able to cope, you already are!

Hopefully your mum will do you a favor and go through with that...

Gimme your mums phone number. I'll dispose of the body

Sweetheart, you are already managing without him - let your mum run him over! fuck it, i'll run him over for you!! Talk to your mum, don't be ashamed you have NOTHING to be ashamed of. Now is the time to stand up to this bastard - NO MORE, if you don't do it for you, you do it for your children, they will not thank you for keeping this scumbag in their lives. THEY deserve better!!

I get working tax credits and family allowence. I don't get any other help because i work full time.
@ Chipmonkey- he's started he own business so i think that's where he gets his money from.