Why do relationships with MIL and DIL get so difficult after we've had children?

[IA71]

Do you think it is the MIL trying to keep her position as top dog in motherhood? Are they trying to keep the DIL 'in her place' ie below her? What is the point in all these insults and jibes? Should a DIL keep her mouth shut and let the MIL say what she wants just to keep the peace?

When I read about highly toxic MILs here, my heart really bleeds for the poor DILs. I wish I could be the MIL for all of you who are suffering. I have a DIL and a SIL and I adore them and I hope it's reciprocated. We've never had a cross word or an awkward moment in fifteen years with DIL (thirteen with SIL) and they know I'd do anything for them. I just feel so grateful that my kids married such lovely people and that I've now got five amazing little grandchildren. Some of the stories here on MN about ILs are gobsmackingly awful - I do wonder if some of them have mental health or alcohol issues, since it's beyond me that people can act in such a terrible and cruel way to their DILs if they're totally all there.

I am so sorry for those afflicted with horrible ILs - but the advice from other MNs is great.

My MIL was well practised at the insults and jibes loooong before I had DC.