I'm about to tell

[solittletimeandsomuchtodo]

Partner of the woman my OH had the affair with!
It's been on my mind for months since I've known and I haven't done anything about it.
He deserves to know and yes honestly it is part of my revenge to her about the whole thing. Not going to lie.
Don't think she should continued her so called charmed life! Without him knowing what has actually been happening.
OH (now ex) had two year affair with her.
We were together for ten years. Two dc.
Grrrrr

personally I wouldn't. You don't need to get revenge against him.

Personally I would tell as I would need to get it out!

But do it with dignity.

Is it really worth upsetting another person to get revenge....i say no it isn't.

The make or break for me would be...

Do they have children?

If not, I would tell.
Ifyes, then I wouldn't.

I think she'll be found/caught out eventually anyway one way or another.

Hope you and your children are coping well .

I think he has a right to know. Just make sure you are where you want to be with ex (ie financially etc before you stir up trouble.... Act in haste repent in leisure)

While the best revenge is getting on with your life the other type is appealing!

I'm sorry OP but I think it's none of your business, and also, it could really backfire against you - do you want even more aggro because I'm certain that';s what you'll get.

I'm sorry this happened to you but trying to even the score in this way is damaging and misplaced.

Please don't - you will probably wish you hadn't. And he might know anyway. And you could look very stupid and bitter.

Let it go. She might have been involved but your OH was the one who chose to betray you. And wrecking her life won't make that go away.

Just a thought but I doubt she is loving a charmed life she is much more likely to be living in constant fear of you telling her DH.

Hmmm, I think actually, if it were me and I asked my grandma for advice, she would say don't tell.

With age comes wisdom.

My gran would say you can't find happiness from someone elses misery. It will feel like a very hollow victory.

Non of her business! Of course its her business the trollop was shagging the father of her kids etc etc. OW made it her business!
I'd tell, I couldn't not, children or no children, the guy has the right to know and make an informed choice about the person he's spending his life with. I'm surprised that others think u shouldn't.
In the same ways I'd want the police to give information on whether I was married to a paedo or a violent person. I'd want to know if I was married to a cheat.

If the affair is still active, he will find out soon. If it's not, then it's up to her to tell him. I was in a similar situation many years ago when my XH deserted me - the OWs husband was unaware what was going on at that stage - and I sooo wanted to contact him (I didn't know him) but decided to resist, & I've never regretted it. Jealousy of her apparently 'charmed life' is not an honourable motive - keep your dignity & the moral high ground! You will feel better & stronger for it.

Op are you sure she hasn't told him already?
I think the fact there has been a few months since you finding out makes a difference as usually it's done in the heat of the moment - was there a reason you didn't tell him straight away?
I'm so sorry you have been put in this position - brighter days are ahead I promise

If I was the partner who didn't yet know and my OH had had an affair with someone for 2 years, I'd want to know. I would have told my ex H bit on the sides BF myself except she got there before me.
Op if you do tell this man let us know how it goes and good luck.

Trollop? Shagging? Okay.

i maintain that their relationship is nothing whatever to do with the OP. It's for them to sort out however they see fit. It's not her responsibility.

Anyway it's just a displacement activity - somewhere to channel the anger OP is clearly still feeling

It's the wrong way to handle it. The wrong place to put it.

It will not solve or resolve anything. She will still feel awful. just in a different way.

In short it'd be like damaging someone's property, in 'revenge', or having trouble with a door that is sticking, so you boot it in (and have to buy a new door). It's not going to help.

the partner has the right to know. rightly or wrongly and for whatever the motive, their life together is built on a pack of lies

If it was me l would want to know, l would think it worse to be lied to thatn the pain of not being told.

Yes but it's still not the OP's business to tell him, even if that's so.

Definitely Doha.

I found out months after the OW's husband and I SO wish he'd told me as he threatened to. It would have saved the DC months of verbal abuse at the hands of their guilt-ridden, conflicted father

BUT don't tell if your only motive is revenge.

Do it with sensitivity, out of empathy for her husband.

'It would have saved the DC months of verbal abuse at the hands of their guilt-ridden, conflicted father'

Look I'm not trying to blame you in any way for his behaviour, but surely the fact your children suffered this isn't the fault of someone unconnected not telling you his secret?

HE should have told you and what's more he shouldn't have treated you all so badly. It has nothingto do with someone else's decision to keep out of your relationship.

I am sorry you went through that though.

The husband does have a right to know; however, he has a right to be told by the woman that cheated on him.

I personally wouldn't be the one to spill the beans. Instead, I'd concentrate on making a new and positive life for myself. It's hard, I know because I've been in your shoes OP, but revenge is a very negative victory. Give some thought to the consequences for your recovery from all this, if you decide to tell all.

I would also try not to think about these people at all any more, if you can avoid it. They are not good for you, and not going to solve anything for you.

Your own life is what you need to focus on, without them in it.

Could you contact the OW and tell her that she she has 24 hours (or some othertime timescale) to tell her DH about the affair as you will be contacting him therafter......

That puts the onus on her---and will scare the shit out of her hahahahaha

I did as you were going to do. Reason is I knew the couple well, and I told the partner within hours of finding out myself.

Honestly? I had a very sick baby and it wasn't my brightest idea. But I'm glad I did it. The OW had cheated on her partner several times, and it all came out after. There were no children and the partner was able to walk away.

Think of the consequences but the OW's husband may not believe you. Be prepared for them wanting to work it out and you not destroying her life (if that's your intention).

Would you still feel better for it?

No-one here can persuade you otherwise and revenge can be all consuming. The bigger thing would be to walk away and build your own life up, but you won't necessarily feel this is the best thing to do at the moment.