Huffy, illiterate men, scared of peas, it's a weird, weird dating world (No22)

[ChaoticismyLife]

Oh, watch...you mentioned flowers

Tell us more...

snape even!

one more. A prolific day! This is Shakespeare sonnet 147.

North is north.

or how about this top with a black skirt which is very flattering....

and i have already got these shoes so if i dont get the other shoes i could wear these

i meant this top

oh. your. GOD those shoes!!! all of them! Rrrrrrr!

i like the dress better tbh. top looks 'OK' but now that i know where its from, i think i'm being a bit snobby about it...

shoes though! shoooooooooooooes!

the shoes are the streep ones. with the t bar strap.

Ok I'm starting to have a bit of a wobble about my date Friday! He has been a bit suggestive, but if I say anything to him he says I was only joking!

The thing is I know I will probably want to sleep with him and I know I shouldn't! And now I'm worrying about what will happen!!

Well if you want to sleep with him, sleep with him. Fill yer boots... I don't believe in this 4th date nonsense...

And the shoes alone would get my knickers off... You will be personally responsible for my lower back problems and the DCs existing solely on smart price baked beans and pot noodles for the foreseeable future (shoe-fund)

well I have heard many times that baked beans are good for you, so I won't feel too guilty about that

The dress is nice, but quite short I wonder if I should get something else??

I don't want to give the wrong impression! Oh maybe I should change to jeans?? But I wanted to look sophisticated as I feel that we are going to upmarket places

Or I could always go back to plain black work style dress! But feel boring in that!!

moving - if you want to sleep with him, then sleep with him :) the ' hold sex back to get a man' thing is bollocks. if a man is only interested in sex, then hes only interested in sex, and i wont matter if you do it on the first or 15th date.....
also - you have to be ok with the fact that if you do sleep with him and he vanishes of the face of the earth - if thats going to make you feel bad, then dont do it.

The filthy texts and then saying he was joking, we all know hes not..... if yoiu arent ok with any of it, or it makes you uncomftable, then its ok to say so, or even cancel/ leave the date... dont feel that you have to go along with anything.

Usually smut prior to a first date is a clear indication of what their intentions are.... not that thats automatically a bad thing, but. just so you know.

Yep Yoga. The IE experiement is fascinating. Loads of men looking for Long term start messaging....says it all.

I have a separate profile on pof set to IE. it has no pics, very little information. It gets far more messages than my real profile which has pictures, bit of information, upbeat etc. I never answer the messages on the fake profile but I'm always surprised at the amount. A few days ago I looked and I had 2 messages on the real one and 74 on the fake one. And the fake one has no pics and no information!!
So I have worked out that for every 2 men who are maybe not looking for just sex, 74 are looking only for sex. That's a significant difference. So regardless of what bollocks they write, the majority want a one off IE. And this is why Sponge, myself etc don't get passed the first date (or even to the first date in my case). Im pretty convinced about that.

ScattySOPlatte

watch/scatty agree entirely with both your posts :) am bloody shattered today as didn't get in til after 11 but football was fab. Great time had by all!

scatty - yep, thats how i view it too. I had hardly any second dates too....
if they are ONLY looking for sex, not sex along with a relationship, then if you sleep with them on the irst date, then you dont hear from them because they have got what they wanted. And if you dont sleep with them on the first date, you dont hear from them because they didnt get what they wanted.

Sponge - second how fab you looked in both your FB pics last night. Really, really lovey. When you feel like dating again, rock that look on some day time dates :)

Well I do want to sleep with him! And I don't want him to disappear after! But I'd rather that happen other then me trying to trap him into a relationship he doesn't want

I wouldn't say he has been smutty more cheeky/ naughty, which I wasn't uncomfortable with but I don't want to feel like that's all he wants!!

Thing is, you have no way of knowing his intentions, whatever he says.

I don't think any of us have ever wanted someone to disappear post shag. But it happens. A lot.

Hence, only doing what YOU want, whatever the outcome.
If you know you will feel bad/ crap/ hurt post sex if you never hear from him again, don't do it. But if you are ok with it being a chance of that happening, shag and enjoy :)

I've never wanted any of mine to disappear - they all have of course (though in respect of several of them I'm thinking in hindsight it was probably a lucky escape!).

Agree you have to do what feels right to you. I hate the fact most men seem to ONLY want me for sex, but I have concluded that's not my fault, that's nothing I do wrong, it's not that I give off an aura of being 'up for it' (despite men telling me that's the case - that's just them projecting what they want onto me!) - and the sad fact is that most men ARE only looking for casual sex rather than a relationship. I really do believe that.

So Moving, if he does only want sex/one-oof encounter then that's all he wants, and however you play it won't change his intention. Likewise if he is looking for more, sleeping with him on a first date won't put him off either.

Watch (and Time) thank you re my photo btw, that was just me straight from work, no effort made! Possibly I need to make less effort (though bearing in mind the above, I still need to find the right sort of man first, who isn't just looking for a conquest!)

off, not oof

I'm starting to feel a bit paranoid that no-one is just after sex with me now!

First coffee bloke definitely was up for it, but only after several more dates (kept going on about dinner, cinema, travelling to the coast for the day etc. so obviously willing to put in a bit of work for it!)

Old friend was more or less offered it on a plate and kept saying "I should really go" before closing the door for more snogging and then saying "I reeeeeaallly should go now" again .

MGB hasn't got time for shagging despite me making it totally clear that should he choose to take me out again he would most definitely be getting some at some point soon. He hasn't been back on POF since, so I've either totally scared him off (I was his first POF date), or he really is so busy that he's given up even pretending to look for a relationship.

If tonight's date doesn't make at least some indication that he might like to shag me I will start to take it a bit personally!

Not being funny, but I am told that I'm very attractive, always make an effort hair/make-up-wise and seem to get on well with people.

Doing trust me, if you had spent 4 years (as I have) meeting nothing but men who simply want one-off sex, and have no interest in ever seeing me again, you would feel very differently!

Doing. OD can really play havoc with your esteem. You must never lose your own esteem otherwise you will go under.
i have also had men just not interested in me. at all. i think what im trying to say and watch said it nicely is that despite what they write and say, we never really know the intentions of these men or even what they write or say does really mean.

I agree entirely with Scatty. That's why I have my own 'rules', to protect myself and my self-esteem, and they take into account that I don't know the other person. I know that if I sleep with someone, if I'm looking for a relationship, they automatically get extra 'potential boyfirend' points for it, which leads to me building up all sorts of romantic dreams in my head, and ultimately disappointment if it doesn't go any further.

On the other hand, if you can snog or sleep with someone without planning the wedding, or deal with the rejection happily, then why not? As long as you know what will make you happy and feel good about yourself, and you act accordingly, you won't go far wrong.

moving, I hope it goes well tomorrow!

Wish me luck, I'm off to try and impress a man. Well two men actually. At the same time.

(Ok, so it's for a job interview but hopefully it will go better than my last few dates)

I know, I need to learn to detach more and I'm already able to see that whatever happens with these men, most of it is not about me personally, its about them, their situation, their agenda etc.

I'm just enjoying finally having a bit of a social life again and the flirting and chatting is doing wonders for my self-esteem, so even with the inevitable rejections, I feel like this will help me to build myself back up into seeing myself as a woman, not just a wife/mum like I've been for so long.

I definitely wouldn't sleep with anyone until we'd been on a few dates (not a moral judgment - stbxh was one of a long line of ONSs who just happened to stick around for 13 years!) as my confidence isn't quite up there yet, but I know it will happen at some point and I'll just have to make sure I pick carefully so that its not the end of the world if it doesn't work out!